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I can trust and worship in the wait…because He is on my side {whom shall i fear?}

We had our conference call about travel with our agency’s travel coordinator yesterday. LOVE her. Didn’t love the news we got. It looks like May travel is impossible. His birthday month. Our hope. Our prayer. BUT–between the week of China’s national trade show AND their 4 day break for Labor Day–they are seeing May consulate dates already fill up. So, the chances of us being assigned a May date at this point are slim.

Mommy gulp.

I sat there. In his nursery. On the other end of the phone. Totally taking in the adjustment in my mommy heart. And I told her I totally understood this–but this mommy was going to (she needed to for now)…pray for a May miracle–even if it means getting a consulate date the first week of June just so we can start our journey and JUST MAYBE have him in our arms even the LAST day of May. Still praying.

My heart longs to hold him.

To start the process of bonding…and getting to know each other. This–itself…this longing…unbearable longing–is a miracle.

I sat there and rocked in his nursery after getting off the phone.

Reflecting on how far we have come…and no doubt how we have felt His hand and grace amongst the setbacks and roadblocks. The battle has been felt…as every family fighting for a child has felt…whether it’s been an illness or through foster care or adopting or even seeing your teenager come to Christ through an impossible situation. There is no doubt a battle when it comes to bringing children into the fold.

The enemy would want us to just see the obstacles and to be overwhelmed. Our obstacles no doubt have come this journey…

…this mommy getting bit by a tick and getting Lyme and having to put our China adoption on hold…

…the SAME month we found our sweet boy–and we picked up our adoption (after mommy being healed!)–our oldest child was diagnosed with Dyslexia (which now thankfully we know he doesn’t have this!) We had him evaluated by a reading specialist who told us he had dyslexia and there was ONE spot open in her program that had 100% success and there was ONE spot open–but we needed to pay the $5,000 up front. GULP. We’d have to pull that from our adoption fund and trust the Lord to replenish it for the sake of our oldest. There is nothing a mommy won’t do for her child. We were supposed to have 40 lessons. We only got 8–and then we found ourselves in an unexpected shocking place…where we had only gotten 8 lessons and communication was cut off. The specialist took our money–stopped answering emails…and wouldn’t allow us to finish the remaining 32 lessons OR refund our money for the remaining lessons. We were out the adoption savings AND lost all our lessons. Money we needed to either use to pay our dossier adoption fee with OR simply to be able to use it to pay another tutor. This is a crazy amount to lose any time–but an impossibly crazy one to lose during an adoption. I would have to do the tutoring instead–and continue to trust the Lord to restore what the locusts had taken. (Hoping and praying we can get this back in order to use this at the end of our adoption for travel or the orphanage fee! And for another tutor for our little guy!)

…as we began to plan for travel–our little Loo bear was bit by a venomous spider (just 4 weeks ago). MANY trips to the ER and doctor…and finally we are seeing healing. The SAME thing happened just 3 years ago to Laney (only it was MRSA) as we prepared to travel to pick up Isaac in Ethiopia!

The enemy was no doubt a part of each of these things. YET the Lord is BIGGER.

As His children–we have nothing to fear.

Of course the Lord didn’t want me to be bitten by a tick and contract Lyme.

Of course the Lord didn’t want someone to run with our money, to hurt our oldest in not being able to get help…of course the Lord would want believers to work things out in integrity, honesty and love. Of course this was not His way.

Of course the Lord didn’t want our Loo to be bitten by a spider.

But I tell you–someone else did.

The battle is real.


And today…as I drove the littles to carpool. I was reminded that.

Imagine this.

The enemy today–reminding me of these things that have brought disappointment on our journey.

Soaking in the truth we might not be able to travel until June. (This ONE…not an act of the enemy…but just rather how the cookie crumbles! China is doing everything they can as fast as they can…our agency is too!) Just taking in that it might be a bit longer. Holding back tears in my longing.

And then–Chris Tomlin’s song comes on.



And I look in the rearview mirror…and see THIS.


Look at this kid.

My precious son.

A son we fought for.

At age one–he could only hold up his head and smile. ISAAC…”he smiles”.

And he also sits, stands, walks, runs, talks…and declares His truth through scripture every day. Just yesterday when he asked to go to Sonic and I told him we were having lunch at home he told me, “Mommy, love is patient. Love is kind! Did you hear DAT mommy?? LOVE IS KIND!”

The Lord has this.

And He also has every obstacle that has come our way. I don’t have to carry it…or worry with it. He has it all. And I can totally trust Him!!! I can trust in His provision. I can trust in His timing. I can trust in His healing. I can trust…I can trust…I can trust…and—you can too!

When we are following Jesus–we can expect battles to come our way. And we can also expect Him to take them…His angels to fight for us…and one by one to see His faithfulness at the finish line.

Trusting in His faithfulness! Trusting in His promises! And in the mean time–as we wait…we will worship–we will trust–we will prepare for His goodness ahead!

Jeanine - April 17, 2013 - 1:07 pm

Yes, sister! Yes! With all five of our adoptions the battle has raged and we rejoiced because we knew we were running God’s race, not our own! Keep up that good fight and your eyes fixed on Jesus! The victory has already been won and your boy will come home exactly when God planned all along!

Leese - April 17, 2013 - 6:25 pm

Thanks for the update (as much as I know it’s not the news you were praying for or wanting to be updating with) and for sharing your heart and where you’re at in processing and responding to it.

Praying, believing, and trusting with you still!

lakasha - April 19, 2013 - 3:24 pm

How can our heart lay in the same place? It amazes me. Of course we are praying for a flight out end of May as well. OUR miracle on top of that, God provides us the rest of our plane ticket money and orphanage donation to have when we leave. I TRUST IN HIM!!! He has perfect timing. But my mommy heart cries at night for her to be in my arms too.
We volenteered at Thrid Day concert last night for world vision. a sweet friend of my Ashley (that happens to be an adoption social worker)AND follows your blog too!! Told me last about the set backs and holidays. It made my heart slow down. She was sharing about you getting ready to travel and I say ” your not talk about Andrea Young are you” She screamed yes! Such a small and supported adoption world.
Know as you comfort me knowing that I am not facing this alone neither are you. God is so much bigger than countries, and laws and holidays and theives, and illness and bugs. As big as 100 million fatherless children to as small as Andrea and LaKasha ‘s hearts. Hold steady mamma…. He is sending us!! LOVE YOU