This morning I started my day sitting out on the front porch. Richard had taken the big kids to their hybrid school they attend on Mondays and Wednesdays…my mornings to rest (–or rather…home catchup…laundry, meal planning, cleaning and reading). I sat on the porch drinking by coffee–with Blankie (aka Jazz…the cat whom I am terribly allergic to–but oddly love). Watching Isaac and Frank ride bikes together. Two boys…two precious ones we longed for. Tried for. Fought for. They are so worth it.
Again we wait. For another love. We have longed for. Tried for. And fought for. I can’t wait for our Zeke to come home.
Much has happened in this year of waiting. And much will happen in the year ahead. I can feel big change on the horizon…and we just wait on the Lord’s timing. When He says go we’ll go. When He says stay, we’ll stay. One thing I love though–is how in sync the desires and calls are in both my heart and my husband’s heart. Both feeling a big step of faith on the horizon.
Such truth in this post and in her words…”Locked in a toxic relationship or career or ambition or community, the levels of unhealth and spiritual pollution can murder everything tender and Christlike in us, and a watching world is not always privy to those private kill shots. It can destroy our hope, optimism, gentleness. We can lose our heart and lose our way. And here is the key: we can pour an endless amount of energy into the chasm, and it will never matter.”
This post goes so beautifully honestly with where we are. I am learning right now what He is calling us to continue to fight for–and other things He is saying, “Your time here is done. You ran well. But now, I want to use you some where else.”
We have felt this beautiful release–this welcome to something new…yet new is always so scary to me…a step of faith is…well, SUCH A STEP OF FAITH for me.
Yet the call of our family–to continue to grow right now through adoption remains. Several things have been in the news/online lately about international adoption/Christians adopting–being very critical of motives, ethics, etc. I think it’s imperative for those called to grow through adoption to do their agency homework and to make sure every aspect is ethical of their adoption. International adoption is at an all time low and fewer families are adopting now more than ever–and despite the rise in critical articles on adoption–I will not give up advocating for precious children in our foster care system, in orphanages, with special needs, kids aging out who need families to love, adore, pray with and invest in them. This–to me–is worth fighting for.
After reading Hatmaker’s article this morning–I ran across this video of some pretty cool folks at Blueprint Church here Atlanta–a church our church helped start in it’s first days. Such a beautiful family–one that is quite different–but so beautiful. As this sweet dad read the verses from Ezekiel–I couldn’t help the tears from running down my cheeks…
Growing our family right now in the midst of change and crazy and homeschool and fatigue doesn’t really make perfect sense to me. It IS worth fighting for–this I do know. I do know that His strength is made perfect in my weakness. When I watch videos of my sweet son over and over…when I look at his MRIs and EKGs…I can some times sense fear creeping in—“Is this going to be harder than I can imagine? Will this sweet one be with us forever?” And the answers to both of these could quite possibly be yes. But this I know the Lord has called us to–THIS I know He is preparing us for–THIS I know no matter the challenges is worth fighting for.
And then I ask “Will I be enough for him?” Um–probably not. But Jesus will be. He will be enough for me. He will be enough for him. And we will be family. Together. Stepping out in faith as a family…with each other and with Him. We will all always have some watching…reading…talking–some being critical and analyzing what we do, what we write or how we live–those who just plant little toxic seeds every where they go. Sad wouldn’t it be to live like this? Some of you reading may read just to take me or others apart–and I would challenge you to be life givers…who are used to make things come alive as you live rather than cripple or suffocate. I want to live daily looking for ways to bless others…to make them smile, laugh and give blessings. Do you find yourself giving more blessings to those you interact with or being more critical? Do you find yourself surrounded by blessing givers or critical/curse givers?
I’m not even sure anyone ever reads this–and I think this may be one of my more random posts ever…JUST processing–and thinking–and writing out loud:).
Today I will be a blessing giver. I will continue to prepare to bring home our 5th sweet one…calling to check on Laney and Parker’s passports…finish some travel paperwork and put a few “Z” monogrammed initials on some shirts for our sweet boy. And then at 12:30…picking up the littles for a day full of pouring in to the littles that are so worth our investment and love. What a joy this calling is! Tiring yes…but so, so worth it!
Did this blog even make any sense?? Kinda fun for this writing mommy to write one that is all over the place:) I’m living on the edge people;) Y’all have a great day!