The Young Family Farm »

Masthead header

When Things Don’t Make Sense {He Will Quiet You With His Love}

The Lord your God is with you,
He is mighty to save
He will take great delight in you,’
He will quiet you with his love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

This momma hasn’t been posting as much the last few weeks as I’m as transparent as they come–some times to a fault…and if I have a really sweet secret–I just can’t bare to post (although I’ll confess I did pretty good with T’s sweet secret earlier this month)…and if we’re in the valley of hard or sad–it can be hard for me to post too not knowing when, how or if to share at all. But I also recognize that when we share the hard–some may also be comforted when they go through something similar: 2 Corinthians 1:3 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

Richard and I have always wanted a BIG family. (Yes–4 kids is BIG to many…but we were thinking more along the lines of Braddy Bunch…not so much Duggar’s 18 and Counting;). If we could plan it in our own “perfect with a bow” kinda way–we’d have another little biologically and adopt a precious little special needs child as we had started out toward before that tick got me and shared Lyme’s with me last year. During that year, we wondered if momma would EVER be well enough to really carry another…and some times we wondered if I’d be able to physically carry littles at all–and maybe even adopting again would be out of the question. But God was good–and His mercies rained down–and I was completely healed! By the beginning of the summer, I was feeling like I could run a marathon (NOT that I’d ever really do that;). Thank goodness too–because momma needed her extra energy to show a Ukrainian teenage princess we were hosting for the summer a fun time.

We added a whole extra layer to our crazy to our summer–and momma kept a good secret all summer–only sharing the news with close friends and family that our year of praying for momma’s complete healing had been answered abundantly so with the news of a little one soon-to-be…#5 was on the way! The summer trips to the museums and aquariums and parks were really only possible with Sprite and saltine crackers–and the extra hormones on top of the emotional roller coaster we were on made for QUITE the ride for this mom especially (my husband completely rocks too to put up with a hormonal wife of 5 I tell ya!). We shared the news with our closest friends and family–and we began dreaming. Princess T and I went shopping one day and picked out the sweetest frame for the baby’s room that said “Love at First Sight”. Days later, I scooted out for my first doctor’s visit–and I itched to share our news, but in no way wanted the delight of this news to overshadow the miracles that were unfolding as the end of the summer approached–we decided to wait until I was a bit further along. When we found out our 10 week appointment was the same day as T’s court date for her new family–we marveled at the timing of it all and decided we’d make that a day of fun news. And truly–last Thursday was a true reason to celebrate as there was an orphan no more in the world…one that we loved with so much! This was the highlight of our day…because earlier that day–at our 10 week ultrasound our hearts had been broken.

I had gone into the doctor just days earlier before due to some problems, but to our delight we saw our almost 10 week love’s heartbeat beating strong at 164 bmp. But on Thursday morning when we went in, there was no heartbeat. And although I had prepared myself for this–I wasn’t at all prepared for this.

For weeks I had wondered what people might say when they heard we were growing again (why I care what others say I do not know–but I confess that I struggle with this…so if you have an opinion please don’t let me know;). Would they think we are crazy to have so many children…crazy to even try to have another…crazy to even try when we also know we want to adopt? But this was the desire of our hearts–and knowing I’m not getting any younger–so we decided to try…and we were blessed. In these last 10 weeks, the Lord has taught my heart much about FAMILY–about HIS PURPOSE for family–about how HE desires each of us to grow differently at different times. Some will stay small so He can do much through these smaller families in different ways–and others He will want to grow big for different purposes–but all with the same purpose to bring Him much glory. One thing we can never do is compare–but instead keep our eyes on Christ and obediently say “yes” when we hear Him call. After our loss, I also realize that I don’t really care what others might say or what they might have said about us growing this way or that. We are called to love and support one another–and to “rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15)

I had surgery on Friday–and my sweet parents and sister were all so precious to take our littles so we could recover and rest. I wasn’t sure if I would have to have surgery after a long night on Thursday night, but on Friday the ultrasound showed it was still necessary. It was one of the longer days of life, and I know the weeks and months ahead will be that of processing and healing. I feel like in just the last 4 days I have already learned so much…and this is the part that I really want to share…

Loss is loss. You can’t compare your loss to someone else’s or someone else’s loss to yours. Whether or not we had 4 littles or none–this loss is loss. And it hurts. There is nothing anyone can do to take it away. We have to walk through it. Each day will get easier. Although it seemed perfect, and it doesn’t make sense–His ways are higher than my ways. And we have an angel with our Father in heaven. It may make more sense in a year or it may not ever make sense at all to our hearts–but He can be trusted and He is good. He can heal from loss–and He knows loss more than any other on this earth.

Time and space help heal. We have a lot of noise at our house–and it was so important for us to have a few days of quiet in order to rest, reflect and recover. When you go through something difficult, I encourage you to reach out to family (and friends if family is not able) and to ask for help. (My sweet family didn’t give me a choice–thank you!). How I needed this time to rest, read and just process. And snuggling up on the couch to watch movies back to back actually was pretty amazing too. While you might think you NEED to be around noise to help you through–take advantage of quiet for rest, reflection and recovery.

Don’t expect everyone to understand (so don’t get your feelings hurt easily–hard to do with hormones changing so quickly right?)–but also don’t be surprised when some supernaturally do understand–either because their hearts understand loss to some degree or they have been there before too. Don’t expect anyone to do anything or say anything that will make you feel better (even your spouse)–but instead expect the Lord to be the one to comfort you. He is enough and He is able. In the quite, listen to your favorite worship music. Spend time in the Psalms. And if you are on the other end–know you do not have to say anything other than “I’m so sorry“. That’s it. There is SO MUCH POWER, LOVE and FEELING in those words. (I hope I remember this for the future!) You don’t have to tell them God has a plan (they totally know this–but they happen to be at a point in the plan that kinda stinks). “I’m so sorry” says so much–and you can’t say it enough…so if you run out of things to say–say that again. I will also admit that hearing a dear friend who has been there tell you that they bet their angel is playing with your angel is pretty sweet and comforting–to think one day you will get to meet this little one and celebrate with him/her. I in no way confess to knowing what heaven is like–but it’s pretty sweet to imagine even little ones who aren’t born yet being there. (If you have a different opinion on this–please don’t tell me–I’d rather keep dreaming for the rest of my days until I get there on this one. Thank you:).

You are in this together. It can be easy for moms who are the ones experiencing the body changes, hormone roller coaster, surgery and recovery to feel lonely or as if they are the only one hurting. Remember that your sweet spouse would have also died for this little one–so if you are able to allow OTHERS to help you with children in your home if you already have them–LET THEM so you can reconnect, recover and grieve with your spouse TOGETHER. Those who had been celebrating and dreaming with you–sisters, brothers, grandparents, friends and family who were already loving this little one big in their hearts will also be grieving quietly beside you. Know that you are NOT alone. You are in this with not only your immediate family–but also many who love you and whose mind you, your family and your little one have not left.

Last but not least–the morning of the surgery as I was getting ready to leave I checked my email and one of my dearest friends who has also experienced this loss sent me these most precious verses. A devotional had taken each apart that were so fitting–but I don’t want to plagiarize;)…so I’m expanding on each of them on my own instead…

The Lord your God is with you,
He is mighty to save
He will take great delight in you,’
He will quiet you with his love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

When “hard” comes–carry these verses close with you. Remember that the Lord your God is with you. When you are feeling sad, lonely, confused, upset…the Lord your God is with you.

He is mighty to save. I truly believe He saves little ones like these from death–and He truly is good. The best plan for the sake of these who have a heartbeat but little chance for survival–is to head on up to heaven and be with Him. Our dreams change–but we must know and believe that His dreams for each of our children…even those we will not meet on this Earth…are so much greater than we could ever imagine.

He will take great delight in you. So rest. Rest in Him. You have done nothing wrong. Just rest in His presence and allow Him to restore your soul. You might not can see it yet–but He truly is taking delight in you as you rest in Him.

He will quiet you with His love. Although your nerves may be tense, pain may be near, cramps may tug and pull for awhile, sadness comes when you see someone passing on the street where you dreamed you might be…as those emotions come–give those daily to Him. He will quiet all of these feelings and emotions…and even your fears…with His great big love.

He will rejoice over you with singing. Each day is new…each day will bring more peace–and as you walk toward Him resting and waiting on Him–He will rejoice over you with singing. Truthfully–He will rejoice over you with singing LONG before that even. He will sing joy into your heart as you come to Him…and I truly believe He will also teach your little one singing in heaven.

For me–I stepped back and saw this new life and all that had happened in our summer as truly a beautiful thing. When something changed, it really didn’t make sense–and honestly, it still doesn’t quite yet for this momma’s heart. But if I skip over the hard parts and only share the pieces that seem to perfectly fit–the tapestry He is weaving is not as nearly as beautiful. Right now, it feels as if a piece of our quilt has been unstitched a bit–but day by day I know He will carefully seem the pieces together with the threads of faith, hope and love–the greatest of these being love. This is forever part of our story–part of our lives–and part of our hearts. He is using this to shape us even now–and I’m quite sure this loss will continue to shape us in the years ahead. This is part of who we become–and I would have liked it to have a different ending–but I also know that His ways are higher than ours–and I have to believe that it’s part of His plan…and one day I will step back and see the many pieces all together…and I know in my heart–that it will be beautiful.

Blessings from this momma’s heart…


Stephanie - September 4, 2012 - 11:38 am

I am so sorry for your loss. I will hold you and your family in prayer. Comfort, peace, and strength to you!

Amy K - September 4, 2012 - 11:39 am

So sorry for your loss Andrea. Praying for you guys as you go through these tough days. Thanks for sharing the hard right along with the good in your life!

Jessica - September 4, 2012 - 11:42 am

We’ve experienced this loss as well and during these times that are so hard to understand, I lean on the verse shared at C4C “He makes all things beautiful in His time.” So, sorry for this heartbreaking loss.

Jeanne - September 4, 2012 - 11:47 am

Oh, Andrea I’m so sorry to hear this news – It’s one that so many of us go through, yet no one talks about. Sending love & prayers to the entire Young family. xoxo

Kiley - September 4, 2012 - 11:47 am


I’m sooooo sorry to hear this! Unfortunately, you are not alone. Last year, we lost two babies both pregnancies ended at 12 weeks. The first, I miscarried at home. What a long and painful night that was (and still needed a D&C a few weeks later). The second I had a D&C.

Please take care of yourself, rest, eat well. And yes, time will help.

Praying for you!

Kari - September 4, 2012 - 11:50 am

I only know you through the words you write in this blog. You have touched and inspired my heart so many times. I’ve experienced your loss, surgery and all. I am so sorry, and I will be praying for you physical recovery and for God to heal your heart.

Mary Ellen Ponder - September 4, 2012 - 11:51 am


Praying for you today. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your heart. Your passion and understanding of our God is inspiring. Our God is a personal God who celebrates with us, and hurts with us as well.

Mary Ellen

Stacy - September 4, 2012 - 12:48 pm

I’m so sorry! Weeping with you.

daniellem02 - September 4, 2012 - 1:07 pm

So sorry for your loss-we went through the same exact thing three weeks ago. We went in for an ultrasound, and there was no heartbeat. We were shocked. I still felt SO pregnant and there were no signs of a problem before this. I had a D&C two Fridays ago. I don’t know about you, but all I could think was how lucky I am to have our son (he is almost 2). As much as it hurt, I felt so grateful to be able to immerse myself in his care to distract myself. So many women have to leave the hospital and go home to an empty house. Please know that I am praying for you.

Corinne - September 4, 2012 - 1:46 pm

I am so sorry Andrea! Praying! Blessings, Corinne

Lauren Casper - September 4, 2012 - 2:03 pm

I got nothing but tears right now. I’ve been praying for you daily since you shared the news… and picturing our loves together in that sandbox. I love you!

Alison - September 4, 2012 - 2:04 pm

Oh, Andrea. I am so, so sorry for the loss of your precious baby. I can’t even imagine the heartbreak. I will be praying for you that the Lord will wrap His arms of peace, comfort and hope around you as you heal.

kelly johnson - September 4, 2012 - 2:15 pm

Oh Andrea, I am truly, truly sorry for your loss. Take time to heal and cling to that beautiful truth you posted…happens to be my favorite verse. I have two angel babies that I’m sure would love a playmate. Praying for you and your family!

missy - September 4, 2012 - 2:36 pm

praying for you, dear one. though i don’t know YOUR pain, i do know the pain of losing a little one at 10 weeks. my heart breaks for you and your open-handed, open-hearted family. i will pray for the physical and emotional healing that you need as you rest in Him.

Sara - September 4, 2012 - 3:11 pm

I was so sad today to read about your precious little one. “He will quiet you with his love…” Thank you for the reminder. I think you are a quicker learned than I am… Praying for you and your family today.

Melissa Bergman - September 4, 2012 - 3:31 pm

I am so very sorry for your loss! I will pray for you and your family. Please know that your beautiful posts and sincere honesty help teach all of us.

Ashley - September 4, 2012 - 5:07 pm

We will be praying for your family! We to have been down this road! Nothing, but God and Jesus, and the Holy Ghost can bring you peace!

Alex Flowe - September 4, 2012 - 5:17 pm

I am so sorry, I can’t imagine how hard this is. Your words and your heart are so beautiful and inspiring. Keep leaning on Him

Tiffany - September 4, 2012 - 5:38 pm

Thank you for sharing…well said…from one hurting mama to another. I am so very sorry though Andrea… (And just for the record, I don’t think you are crazy.) 🙂

La - September 4, 2012 - 6:09 pm

I am so sorry

This is hard. Your words are beautiful.

Karen Twombly - September 4, 2012 - 7:06 pm

I AM so sorry…and I have been through this loss… I was comforted when God whispered that he understood as he did not spare his own Son but delivered him up for us all. I look forward to that sweet reunion when God will wipe every tear and there will be no more sickness, no more death, no more pain and our family will be together.
Our own Jesus, knowing he was about to raise Lazarus, wept when he heard of his friend’s death. I know he understand our mourning.
Praying for you now!

Lauren - September 4, 2012 - 8:18 pm

So sorry, Andrea. I lost my first little love very early, and at the time was not at a place in my walk that I felt brave enough to share with anyone (other than my husband). Thank you for sharing in the midst of the pain, and for the sweet reminder of God’s goodness. Heaven becomes sweeter and sweeter the older I get. Love to you and your family.

Leah - September 4, 2012 - 8:19 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. I’ve also learned along my journey that loss is loss, and we can’t attempt to quantify and compare it. Loss hurts. End of story. I also believe that your baby is in heaven with God and that you will meet again someday. Thinking of you and your family.

natalie cooper - September 4, 2012 - 9:26 pm

as a fellow miscarriage survivor (and infertility survivor), i “get” what you’re going through. and even though it’s been 2.5 years since we lost our child, well, i still think about them. it still hurts.
praying for you and your family during this time-

Melissa R. - September 4, 2012 - 9:31 pm

I also only know you through this blog but you and your words have been a source of encouragement for me many times and have helped open my eyes to the beauty of adoption. I am so sad to hear of this loss for you and your family. You will be in my prayers and I look forward to seeing how God moves in your family in this next season because I know He will indeed move.

Beth - September 4, 2012 - 9:40 pm

Oh Andrea, I am so sorry for your loss. I am coming up on the three year mark of our own loss. While I appreciated everyone’s words, there were no words like His words that could have gotten me through it. My situation was very very similar to yours. Praying for you.

marci - September 4, 2012 - 9:54 pm

My heart is broken for you . Truly broken. Your sweet one was called Home ! You have a special angel guiding you and all the little ones. Oh, so sorry ! Hugs, love and Pax!

Zanna - September 4, 2012 - 10:09 pm

Oh, Andrea. I am so very sorry. Praying for the Lord to comfort you.

Elle J - September 4, 2012 - 10:29 pm

I am breaking with you. I am so sorry. Praying for you, your entire family, and closest of friends. I love you. {HUGS}

Jovie - September 4, 2012 - 10:43 pm

WOW!God uses pain to touch others. Thank you for posting this. It is a subject that is hard to share. I am sorry for your loss.

Kim - September 4, 2012 - 11:28 pm

Oh sweet friend, I am SO sorry. Lifting you up in prayer now. Hope you are comforted by the precious truth of my all time favorite verse … “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” Love & Blessings, Kim

Christy - September 5, 2012 - 6:38 am

I’m so sorry, Andrea. I have a little angel playing with yours too. As hard as it is to go through, it’s been such a ministry since to be able to encourage others with when they go through these things. We are never alone. (Remember Matt Redman – “Never Once”?) He is Faithful. Praying for you and your heart that I’m sure is breaking.

Bobi bobbitt - September 5, 2012 - 8:24 am

I am so very sorry for your loss, sweet friend. Praying for you!

Megan - September 5, 2012 - 12:34 pm

So sorry for the loss of your sweet baby. I can’t imagine. Praying that God’s love truly will quiet and satisfy you as you grieve.

Becca Harley - September 5, 2012 - 12:52 pm

sweet friend – I am so sorry. We are praying for you all

Leilanni - September 5, 2012 - 3:03 pm

Oh, Andrea. I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet one. We, too, have experienced this loss and my heart aches for you and your family. One of the best things somebody told me during that time was to “grieve well” – feel what you need to feel without apology and bring it to the Lord. Praying for you.

Sonya - September 5, 2012 - 3:57 pm

I am so, so sorry…..

Amanda - September 5, 2012 - 5:16 pm

I’m very sorry to hear your joy turned to sorrow and about your loss. I thank God for his presence in your household and pray that his loving arms be wrapped tightly around you and your family.

Julie Hand - September 5, 2012 - 5:56 pm

I am so sorry!! Lots of prayers and hugs are being sent your way.

Gini - September 5, 2012 - 8:25 pm

Praying for you! I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing your story…

Anne Marie - September 5, 2012 - 9:57 pm

Hey friend-I am so, so sorry to hear about your loss. When Ryan was 2, we lost a baby at 13 weeks after finding out he had Trisomy 13 and I had a D&C.  It is so hard. Loved this post and I can relate to it all so well. I clung to the words AND song “Mighty to Save.” I can remember just crying until I had no more tears while listening to that song. Just want you to know I am praying for you during this time.

Steph - September 5, 2012 - 10:32 pm

I was sad watching kindergarteners head off for their first days last week, only to realize that some of that sadness was because our Asher would have been with them, had he made it to that 10th week mark and beyond. May God redeem your loss in the way that He knows how – the BEST way.

Karen - September 6, 2012 - 9:05 am

Andrea, I am so very sorry for your loss. My last miscarriage was at 10 weeks. It is so heartbreaking. Love and prayers for you and your family.

Nikki - September 6, 2012 - 9:32 am

Oh Andrea. Much love to you and yours. We have two little angels in heaven as well… and they have changed our lives profoundly. We are interceding on your behalf, that God will heal, that He will show you somehow even a tiny bit of the “why” in His perfect timing.

Deena - September 6, 2012 - 9:33 am

Praying for you Andrea…I have been through a similar loss and your words are so true “loss is loss” and “people don’t always understand”. Please know that you are being lifted in prayer and that you have countless people thinking of you and praying for your heart’s recovery.

Beth Bailey - September 6, 2012 - 10:16 am

I am so sorry. Thank you for being so open with your story. Much comfort and many blessings your way.

Catherine Besk - September 6, 2012 - 5:01 pm

Sending you love and prayers for healing. I’m so very sorry for your loss.

Lari - September 7, 2012 - 2:45 am

Oh Andrea…I’m so sorry. I’ve been there. Will be praying for you.

Dawn Wright - September 7, 2012 - 4:19 pm

Your words are so very true…..loss is loss. No words can comfort, but know that PRAYER IS COVERING YOU!

Having experienced loss twice with precious little lives that we loved so very much……I am sorry because the grief is soo strong, the loss is very real, the pain is very deep.


keely - September 9, 2012 - 8:37 am

Andrea, you have been on my heart the last few days, now i know why. i know there are no words to say despite the fact that i have stood in the shoes of miscarriage 4 times. my heart is sad for you and know that i will be praying with heartfelt passion as you walk the coming days. your post was truly amazing, there is no way i could have processed and written something so beautiful, especially in the midst of the loss.

Jacqueline - September 11, 2012 - 3:12 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. We lost 2 babies early in pregnancy in our journey to give our son a sibling. It was absolutely gut wrenching, and you’re right, taking time to yourself to just be and grieve and heal is so essential. I will be sending my love and prayers your way.

Elizabeth Smith - September 22, 2012 - 11:22 pm

A- I am JUST reading this tonight! I am so sorry for your loss. Praying for your physical and emotional healing. xoxo-