Richard asked me yesterday when I was going to pull out the Christmas decorations-and without thinking, “When my son is home” came out of my mouth.
“Ang. We’re still gonna have Christmas,” he said laughing under his breath.
I know. I know. I KNOW.
And you’ll all be proud to know I actually sucked it up and went to the basement and pulled out box after box today and began to decorate at which Rico Suave commented, “Oh good. You are wallowing around any more about the little guy,”–to which I replied, “No. I’m simply decorating. While I wallow. Merry Christmas to you.”
The waiting–the waiting for your child…when you have those pictures…and the videos…knowing they are THERE while you are HERE…it’s just plain hard. (Still wanna be my friend? Cause I don’t sound like a very fun friend to have this holiday do I? NOT TO MENTION I have the cold of the century–so I’m also walking around in PJ pants with a box of tissues. Lovely, right? You’re tempted to unfriend me, aren’t you?)
Today I thought way too much about WHERE my sweet boy is…WHO is holding him…WHAT is happening…and my momma heart let fear seep in. I have to believe–right now–that HE is enough. He is always enough. But in my weakness–in my absence to be His hands of love to this boy–He is stronger. As a mom, I have to believe and trust in this.
Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
We are praying God’s strength over our sweet boy–that He will watch over him and protect him. I will never forget praying this over our Isaac when months passed by as he was in an orphanage in Ethiopia. I continuously prayed that GOD would be his caregiver–that the Holy Spirit would be ever present. And you wanna know something crazy? He was.
On more than one occasion, I asked traveling moms to please check on my Isaac for me. Neither of these moms knew one another and both came at different times. When they returned home–they BOTH had the same response about my little guy. They BOTH told me that it was the most amazing thing they had ever experienced–but they actually sensed the Holy Spirit around my Isaac. They shared this NOT KNOWING this had been my daily prayer. Be with him Jesus. You are enough. Hold him. Sing to him. Let him feel Your presence. One mom even sent me video of Isaac, and the video was shaking terribly the entire time. She told me later she was so overwhelmed by the presence of the Lord around him that she couldn’t keep her hand still to video–she just truly sensed the Lord’s presence around my Isaac in a way she had never experienced on this earth. “Andrea, the Holy Spirit is WITH your son. I felt it.” HE IS ENOUGH. HE IS ABLE. HE IS REAL. HE CAN DO THIS!
And if He is enough, able, real and can do this for our children around the world–then He can also do this for our children upstairs…sleeping in their beds…for our children off at school or at practice when they are out of our care…HE IS ENOUGH, ABLE, REAL AND CAN DO THIS for ALL of our children—and for us too.
He is enough for me.
Can you just say that to yourself???
He is ENOUGH for me.
He is all I need.
I have to find myself in Him alone–and rest in Him…trusting that He is enough.
I can leave my worry at the cross of Jesus–and let Him carry the yoke for me. He is enough.
As moms we can easily catch ourselves stressing about school decisions, activities, influences, their futures…but HE IS ENOUGH. There is really nothing greater that I can do for them than to TEACH THEM THIS. To show them…to take them to the cross with me.
And it’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to want things to be made right…for that child to be home…for peace to be made where there isn’t…to wiggle in the wait…to struggle with loneliness…
Because isn’t that what Christmas is really? Learning that He is enough. And learning to wait in real ways for Him.
Christmas wasn’t about decorating…or playing the Christmas music or going to the parties–or fretting because you weren’t invited to any this year. No–Christmas was really a lot of waiting. A lot of rejection…full of unknowns and what seemed like a really unfair journey for a King. A king that would be enough for each and every one of us…
Mary waited for her son to come knowing in her heart what was to come of such a Savior…
The world waited with expectation…many probably embarrassed when they discovered how their awaited Savior so humbly came…
As I process tonight what was to come…what must have been going on in Mary’s heart…how truly amazing my Savior is and how He is really enough—all the things that weigh heavy on my mommy heart begin to disappear.
He really is enough.
Enough for my son waiting…
And enough for waiting me.
Lord Jesus–we thank you for your coming–for your choosing to come for us…for loving us…pursuing us…and adopting us as your children. Thank you. Be with our children Lord. Will you rain down your presence on them–and just surround them with your presence and protection. I ask specifically tonight for children in orphanages and on the streets without moms and dads to care for them and watch over them…will You be enough for them this season? Please protect them–whisper truths of who You are and who they are in their ears…put hope in their hearts and strength in their spirits. We trust You Lord and rest in You. Amen.