How do you get water to boil? You stare at it of course;). No. We all know not to stare at water waiting to boil. I have tried the same thing during our adoption wait. Each month, I would hold my cell phone in hand waiting for it to ring. I’d check my email–I confess some times a gazillon times a minute. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. (iphone access to constant email…not helping.) I even gave our agency a special ringtone. And some how…my hubby never said it but his facial expressions often did…”JUST CHILLLLL OUT.”
Hey…but some things have worked to his favor. Like–the nervous energy has turned productive…like when I built him that flower garden when he was in Africa in March. But MY how the Lord has even taught me things through that. I would sit out in those brown chairs just looking at the mulch.
“Rich…do you think any of them will bloom?”
“Dunno. Maybe. Hope so.”
“I mean, I planted like 200 of them. I gave ’em plant food. Surely one will bloom. Don’t ya think?”
“Sure. Hope so. But staring at them won’t help.”
Ugh. Well, why not? Just won’t. I know that. And I felt the Lord speaking to my heart as the first teeny sprouts came up. OK, you all are going to think I’m wacked…but while we waited on a court date I’d run down and look to see if there was a bloom. I kept telling Richard I just bet they’d bloom on the day we got a court date. But…not so much. We got a courtdate BEFORE they bloomed. And a few days later—a bloom came up. All in God’s timing.
Oh my daughter. Why do you worry? Do you see how I clothe the flowers? They do not labor or spin…Oh, you have little faith. Do not let your heart worry. Seek first my kingdom.
Amazing how our Creator is the ONLY One who can make this flower blossom…Amazing that if I showed you two pictures of Isaac–one the day he entered Hannah’s Hope and one from a week ago–that you wouldn’t know it was even the same baby! The God who is growing these flowers in my backyard is the same God who is growing and strengthening my son across the world. AMAZING. SO…why do I have so little faith?
Do I appear to have it together and look like I’m smooth riding? Don’t let me fool you. 2.25 days;) until our court date…woke up this morning and I honestly felt like I was going to puke. I had to sit up and say out loud, “Help me trust you Lord.”
I must trust in the Lord. He has been too good to me. He has shown me His hand so much in our journey. I asked Him last night, “Lord, do you really want to hear the same prayer 500 times? Am I driving you crazy?”
My heart has never felt this much longing. I’ve searched my heart, asked Him to reveal sin in my life…confessed it, asked for forgiveness. And then I hear Him speak to my heart…MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT. TRUST ME.
I held Frank tonight and was rocking him…singing “his hymn” to him that I’ve sung for the 18 months he has been in this world and the 9 months in my womb. I LONGED FOR THIS BABY…my Frank…I just longed for. Of course I’m just as in love with my others—and those surprise pregnancies joys in themselves…but there is something powerful in the longing that happens and seeing His grace in the gift.
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now I’m found;
Was blind but now I see.
Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved.
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believed.
Thro’ many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come.
‘Tis grace that brought me safe thus far,
and grace will lead me home.
When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise,
Than when we first begun.
His head laying on my shoulder as I sang and one tiny hand wrapped around my back…I could feel his little fingers gently loving…rubbing back and forth. My heart melted. My third baby. God’s grace resting on my shoulder. I cradled him down so I could look into his eyes. Binky in his mouth staring back at me…he giggled and his little binky almost fell out until he gripped it with his tiny baby teeth smiling. I giggled back and…began to tear up. My heart felt a bit of pain knowing in a few months this quietness with Frank must be shared. And my heart longs to share it. But some will be lost. Each of my children have made a sacrifice for one another—except Frank. And now…it is his turn. I felt my prayer changing. The Lord’s ways are higher than my ways. His timing is always perfect. Holding Frank I realized only the Lord knows when is best…and even my heart can’t be trusted. Hear this…I LONG TO PASS COURT ON THURSDAY…but the Lord knows the best timing for Isaac, for Frank…for all of us. THY. WILL. BE. DONE.
The butterflies in my stomach rest…for now;). Thy will be done.
Such power when we can finally pray that prayer. And Lord–forgive me for my lack of faith. How I want to trust You…with all of my children. Thy will be done.
I’m going to do my BEST not to carry my phone around…to “stare at water” or “my lillies”…and to trust in the Lord in new ways for things my heart deeply longs for.
And just to make you smile at some real life things this weekend…for some much needed laughter and comic relief;)…
I had to promise Richard that Frank will no longer wear things like this…OK…I know the bubble at 18 months is taking it overboard. Honestly, I put him in it just because I love watching my hubby cringe. OK…see, I’m showing you all kinds of character flaws I have;) Seriously, I’m done with the bubbles. He made me promised Isaac wouldn’t wear this. If you like it, find it on ebay next week;). Sorry Southern Gigi’s and Nana’s…we’re done with the bubbles. (And if you are wondering what is going on in that pic…Laney is my little MOMMA and she was insisting that Frank had something on his foot! LOVE this little momma and boy will I need her help in the years ahead!)
And then TODAY (Monday)…I was greatfully distracted from Thursday’s wait by another PRECIOUS AGCI mommy who came in town! Betsy came up and brought just one of her boys (she has 3)…the older 2 were in school. Betsy and her family are on the girl list in the 20’s and the sibling list in the teens. I can’t WAIT to watch their journey unfold! Here’s the adoption mommas hanging at the park…
Her littlest guy…he is going to be the BEST big brother. He is too sweet, too cute and too fun!Thank you Betsy for coming to see us! I had such fun meeting you and your little guy…and can’t wait to see what happens for your precious family in the months ahead! Praying for ya’ll!
2 more days…resting and trusting in the Lord—so thankful to be on this journey with you all. Thank you for praying for our family and for our Isaac. Please keep Isaac’s continued progress and health in your prayers. I was so encouraged to hear my friend Betsy say how healthy he looked when she saw his pictures today! He has come a long way and I’m just ready to have this happy, cutie finally home!