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Longing for Isaac…

This weekend marks exactly 4 months since our 9 month old has been at an orphanage. And I hate to think about him turning 10 months in June…and spending half of his sweet little life in an orphanage as it will be 5 months since he was relinquished. My heart aches—and I just want to say I really appreciate all of your prayers that his birth mom will be healed and that we will pass court on the 24th.

My mind and heart can’t go to the “what ifs” any more. I feel like there is too much at stake…and I told my hubby tonight that I just want Isaac home—and I’m tired of feeling nauseous with the unknowns. I know the Lord is with us–but my mommy heart aches deeply and I’m just ready to have my boy home. I think about that song “Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord”. Today, I’m tired. My heart is heavy. And I think I’m just going to take a few days to let my strength rise…as I wait upon the Lord. Today I feel my heart questioning if this is really going to work out…so many unknowns in every arena…but I have to trust in the Lord and wait on Him.

We were at Hobby Lobby tonight…haven’t been in awhile as I haven’t been in craft mode lately—but I needed some time out with my girl. Laney passed the windchimes, and she begged to buy one for Isaac. I told her no, that we’d let him pick his out. Really though, I felt in my heart that my saying no to her buying one was my lack of faith. My heart didn’t want to open itself anymore–I am trying to protect my heart and it’s longing…and I’m…well, just tired.

May 24th can’t get here soon enough–but I know there must be time for a miracle of healing to happen. Truly, I can’t thank those of you who are with us praying for us and standing with us and beside us enough. I sat in the yard tonight…sun setting and watching Parker and Laney laughing as they jumped through the sprinkler. I thought, “And this is how life could be for them too…if there wasn’t death, poverty, malaria, AIDS…” And then I imagined a little boy…who because of these things…some how got led to our family…and I just LONG.

Thankful my parents came to town this weekend to be with us. Thankful for my husband who feels nauseous with me…making me realize I’m not crazy. Thankful for our 3 healthy children who ask about Isaac every day and love him so much already. Thankful Isaac is in good care. Thankful that we just have 8 more days to wait until our next court date.

melissa - May 15, 2010 - 12:35 am

So hard…Praying for you.

natali - May 15, 2010 - 12:55 am

i just sit here and my heart hurts for you, andrea. praying for you, sweet friend. praying that GOD will give you a peace and wrap His arms around you and let you know that He is there with you and there with Isaac.

Megan - May 15, 2010 - 12:59 am

🙁 I’m sorry Andrea. My heart hurts for you. We will continue to pray!

Shannon - May 15, 2010 - 2:20 am

I’m hurting with you and praying.

Jenny - May 15, 2010 - 7:44 am

this has GOT to be THE MOST difficult wait of all so far… i feel like waiting for a referral is hard, man, this part is going to be worse… praying for the 24th!

Kim Bedzyk - May 15, 2010 - 7:58 am

Hang in there Andrea, he will be SO worth the wait, and this time of wait will soon become a distant memory once you hold him in your arms. Stay busy this week with your sweet little ones.. praying for you and Isaac!

Kristin - May 15, 2010 - 9:12 am

I just posted my own “strength will rise” entry and was thinking of you too. It’s amazing how God uses all of our unique and changing circumstances to show us His everlasting and unchanging Truth and love. He doesn’t grow faint and weary like us. May you feel His presence and know Isaac does too.

rachel overton - May 15, 2010 - 9:43 am

oh sweet friend, i am praying for your heart and know that nauseous feeling all too well. praying for healing for isaac’s mother and praying for little isaac.

Jennifer - May 15, 2010 - 9:44 am

Praying for strength and peace. This last part of the journey is tough! God is good and keep your eyes focused up…don’t look to the left or the right (what could be….). Our daddy God will carry you through this last part…rest in Him!

Rebecca Harley - May 15, 2010 - 11:01 am

dear friend – lifting you all up this weekend. For the peace that passes our understanding. For His arms to envelope you as your arms long to hold Isaac. For his birth mom’s health. Love you
You know my life verse:) you sent it to me through a cd not even knowing – Iasiah 40:31 – your strength WILL be RENEWED. you WILL mount up with WINGS as eagles. you WILL run and NOT grow weary, you WILL walk and NOT faint!

Elle J - May 15, 2010 - 11:53 am

Praying for you, Andrea.

Heather - May 15, 2010 - 2:10 pm

I’m praying for you girl! Keep pressing on!

Dawn - May 15, 2010 - 2:33 pm

Praying……parents hearts are special things….and it is hard if one is missing. PRAYING he won’t be long!!!

Shelley - May 15, 2010 - 3:23 pm

I am praying for you and baby Isaac.

Vanessa - May 15, 2010 - 3:35 pm

Right there with you!!!!

Gini - May 15, 2010 - 10:09 pm

Praying for you guys.

Chrystal - May 16, 2010 - 10:41 pm

.. my heart aches for your family & esp. aches for you, because I can only imagine how difficult the waiting is, but moreover.. the unknown that you are very much feeling. I know in my heart however, that this is just the Lord showing you that Life around us happens. The unknowns, the unexpected… just when we are trailing down on a flat road, the enemey always tends to throw as many speed bumps our way as he can. But it’s just that my friend, a “speed bump”.. sure, we may slow down a bit but that doesn’t mean that we can’t get on the other side of that bump. And YOU WILL! We serve a MIGHTY God that will always provail. He wants that precious little baby in your arms as much as YOU do. He has shown His face & His hand all through this… don’t lose sight of that. As hard as this is, do not allow the enemy to defeat you.. even for a second. Stand strong & KNOW that God is RIGHT HERE with you, every step of the way. The protecting of your heart is unstandable, but Andrea.. God is growing your heart even MORE so during this time of waiting.. and this time of the unknowns… like you had said before, if He just made this easy it doesn’t testify to how our God moved MOUNTAINS to bring little Isaac home… JUST AS HE WILL. As hard as it is, sometimes we have to let go of the “human clock”, and allow God to work in His timing…His sweet, perfect timing. Isaac’s birth mommy needs prayers for healing.. she is getting them, now.. by who KNOWS how many people..thanks to YOU and YOUR obidence to our Heavenly Father. Just like the way He has used His people, of which some you don’t even know, to lift up your family and your sweet Isaac. He has used YOU and His people to lift up that poor woman who has not only gave up her son for a better life because she felt she had no other choice, but is now fighting a sickness that needs prayers for healing. I know I am repeatedive, but Andrea.. I truly feel this in my heart. Please continue to seek our Heavenly Father for strength.. for peace.. for trust.. for hope.. for contentment.. and anything else that you need, friend. I know you will, and I will br praying for the same things. I pray that the Holy Spirit will fill you so much with love and comfort that you will wake up tommorow with a new sense of renewal of TRUST and HOPE. It’s so hard for us sometimes, our human hearts can only take so much, but that’s why He is there to carry us through. Everything is going to be okay. God is growing your heart even MORE SO for that precious baby during this time of waiting, as if you thought that couldn’t happen. 🙂 EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY. I am praying for you friend.. continue to seek His face so He will strengthen your heart, mind, and spirit.

“My soul finds rest in God alone, my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Psalm 62:1-2

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

PRAYING FOR YOU!!!!!!!! ((hugs))

missy - May 17, 2010 - 1:16 am

praying that your strength will continue to rise as you wait upon him. actually no, not YOUR strength, but HIS strength in you that i have seen time and time again. may you feel him hold you close and feel him give you the strength you need each day. the strength to long while still living right where you are.