This weekend marks exactly 4 months since our 9 month old has been at an orphanage. And I hate to think about him turning 10 months in June…and spending half of his sweet little life in an orphanage as it will be 5 months since he was relinquished. My heart aches—and I just want to say I really appreciate all of your prayers that his birth mom will be healed and that we will pass court on the 24th.
My mind and heart can’t go to the “what ifs” any more. I feel like there is too much at stake…and I told my hubby tonight that I just want Isaac home—and I’m tired of feeling nauseous with the unknowns. I know the Lord is with us–but my mommy heart aches deeply and I’m just ready to have my boy home. I think about that song “Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord”. Today, I’m tired. My heart is heavy. And I think I’m just going to take a few days to let my strength rise…as I wait upon the Lord. Today I feel my heart questioning if this is really going to work out…so many unknowns in every arena…but I have to trust in the Lord and wait on Him.
We were at Hobby Lobby tonight…haven’t been in awhile as I haven’t been in craft mode lately—but I needed some time out with my girl. Laney passed the windchimes, and she begged to buy one for Isaac. I told her no, that we’d let him pick his out. Really though, I felt in my heart that my saying no to her buying one was my lack of faith. My heart didn’t want to open itself anymore–I am trying to protect my heart and it’s longing…and I’m…well, just tired.
May 24th can’t get here soon enough–but I know there must be time for a miracle of healing to happen. Truly, I can’t thank those of you who are with us praying for us and standing with us and beside us enough. I sat in the yard tonight…sun setting and watching Parker and Laney laughing as they jumped through the sprinkler. I thought, “And this is how life could be for them too…if there wasn’t death, poverty, malaria, AIDS…” And then I imagined a little boy…who because of these things…some how got led to our family…and I just LONG.
Thankful my parents came to town this weekend to be with us. Thankful for my husband who feels nauseous with me…making me realize I’m not crazy. Thankful for our 3 healthy children who ask about Isaac every day and love him so much already. Thankful Isaac is in good care. Thankful that we just have 8 more days to wait until our next court date.