To say my heart has been on a roller coaster these last few weeks is an understatement. So much revealed…so many things to pray about–and ultimately…Richard and I feel the Lord directing us in the direction He led us to 6 months ago. China. It’s hard for this momma to discern exactly what we are supposed to do some times–especially after holding little ones who are orphans in across the world just a few weeks ago. The Lord knows my heart–and this isn’t the first time I have told Him, “What you want Lord, just show me and we will do it.”
Several months ago we were praying about an AMAZING special needs girl who our hearts deeply wanted to say, “yes” to. This roller coaster with Zambia–for now anyway–was a bit easier as I prayed if she was ours–that she would simply be adoptable. And she is not. (Right now) But months ago–as we were challenged to pray about bringing home a little girl who we still pray for (and truthfully our hearts haven’t closed the door to), I feel we were able to learn more about ourselves and how to discern if it may be His will for our family.
We took off to have some time of family couseling. It helped the counselor already knew mine and Rico’s personality–but the bottom line and surprising thing we realized was when she said this: The Lord has changed your hearts. Now you have a heart like His. You have the spirit of adoption within you–and from what I see in both of you…where an orphan is concerned, you will always say, “Yes.”
I sat there having a little revelation. I have never been in a position thus far to say NO because our last adoption we were on a waitlist because that was how the Ethiopia program worked with our agency. BUT…with the China Waiting Child / Special Needs Program, there are more than 2,500 children ALREADY waiting…and to think we would always say yes–well, is impossible.
SO, we love this little one already…but we just aren’t sure.
Have you been praying for her consistently? Of course you love her.
Then where does that leave us?
To say no.
WHAT?! That’s really not what I wanted to hear. But…we definitely don’t feel a YES, YES, YES either…
Then say no. And see if the Lord brings her back to you again. See if you CAN say no to this precious one. Advocate for her–and see how the Lord moves in your heart.
We didn’t say no because we “couldn’t”…because we could–and so much of us wanted to. But ultimately–we did not have peace and joy to say yes at the time. I am thankful we took several days to pray–and as the weeks have passed, I have cooresponded with different moms across the U.S. who are considering bringing home this little girl. (She is amazing…and we are still praying for her.)
Hearing the news that the sweet little one in Zambia is “unadoptable” broke my heart…and my first instint was to fight for her…but for now we are to remain in the program He started us in…full of unknowns…full of paperwork…and full of new everything for us…BUT where our little girl I know must be.
So, our journey continues–once again China bound. We’ll peak at the waiting child list as the Lord prompts us to…so I guess you just never know when we’ll have a little girl to announce:). My heart is excited…it is joyful…and I even can’t wait to go see precious Memory again next time I’m in Zambia to tell her how loved she is. And if the Lord wants to bring her or precious “J” in China back to us in some way some day…then we’ll open that door when we get to it. The real challenge is HEARING through the new HEART…having the spirit of adoption and WANTING to say YES and care for each one…but knowing that some times God has you just right where you are because…because well–the ones in your care might just need you a little bit more right now. HE is enough and will care for our daughter until He reveals her to us and we bring her home. And after that…He will still be enough.
Thank you for praying for us on this journey…and I really can’t wait to see what our family looks like a year from now!!!
A little weekend shout out…
1. Check out this AMAZING fundraiser to help bring home my friend Lara’s sweet little boy from Uganda: A ROCKIN Camera and Lens if you win!!! BUT better than winning–you get to help bring home an amazing little boy!!! Please keep this family in your prayers as they get closer to travel and court!
2. This is a MUST check out: Adoption Families for Famine Relief A group of adoption families put together a fund and ways to offer help and relief to the Horn of Africa during this terrible famine they are facing. This is where our sweet son is from, and this is just an awful, terrible time for so many…currently 800,000 children may die. Will you consider doing a family fast–and donating the money you would have spent on a night out to one of the organizations on this website for the sake of the children in this famine? Our precious son weighed under 6 pounds at 6 months–and if it were not for relief organizations coming in and training the orphanage…OH my heart.
They even have some really cool items you can purchase for a suggested donation. My kids would LOVE these matching discs…
3. For those of you who like to dress for a cause (“Change the World with What You Wear” is one of my mottos:)…consider helping the Wayman family fundraise to bring home their little one home from Africa. They have a sweet tee and you can purchase it here in their ETSY shop: Wayman Family Shop