When you know you are ABSOLUTELY His…

My parents came in town this weekend so Richard and I could get away. We wanted to get away–just to have a day to pray together for this momma to be 100% again. This mom has some serious fog-brain tonight which makes it so hard to think of words–so I’m going to do my best to write this down…because I’m believing the Lord is going to heal me completely–and I want to REMEMBER all that He has done…even in the hard parts.

I’m almost done with this crazy GI detox for my internal medicine doc–and I’m taking more supplements and cleansing drinks than I thought humanly possible. I’ve gotten so many great doctor referrals from all over the country that treat Lyme’s–everything from natural treatment to I could be hooked up with a picc line and IVs tomorrow if that was the route we chose to take. So many ways to treat this disease AND it mimics so many different diseases that the medical community has nicknamed Lyme’s “The Great Deceiver”…all I can say is GREAT;)…I get the disease with that coin. Sounds familiar doesn’t it? I really think this battle I’m in is more than just a disease. I think I must be a real threat as God has big plans for my life–and I’m determined to reach for the cloak of my King and His name to be renown through EVEN THIS.

We just know we have to continue taking steps forward–being proactive. Every day for me it is so different. One day I’ll have fog brain so bad that I can hardly concentrate to talk. Some days my only problems are extreme fatigue with blurred vision (thankfully just in one eye–so if you put a pirate patch on you’re good to go;) Alright–so I don’t actually wear a pirate patch–but in good humor I’ve been tempted. And then some days–I feel pretty good…like my body must be fighting this thing itself–until WAHM…a day like today–when a bus hits.

Richard and I really needed a day to pray…to seek God’s direction in how we want to treat this, which doctors to continue to see or new ones to fly across the country to visit. We needed to be STILL. Because we also know the Lord can just heal me completely…at any moment He wants…so we need to WAIT ON HIM.

We took off for a close by monastery located in Conyers, Georgia…with acres of land…peace and quite…

Isn’t it beautiful?

We spent most of our day in the church. The Chalks–a dear couple who we have grown to love who has been right beside us all the way joined us to pray with us.

Inside the church…

Rich went to the balcony to pray while I stayed by myself (it’s best that the two of us are separated where silence is observed…we just make eye contact and burst into laughter…especially if we are SUPPOSED to be quiet:).

The winds were rushing around the windows…and it sounded like rushing waters.

RUSHING WATERS…I wrote in my journal.

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the Lord directs His love, at night His song is with me–a prayer to the God of my life. I say to my Rock, “Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?” My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, “Where is your God?” Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalms 42:7-11

He was leading me through the scriptures…He is good.

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters I will be with you and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, Your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior, I give you Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, “Give them up!” and to the south, “Do not hold them back!” Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth–everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”

I felt this was a promise from my King. Reminding me…that we one day will bring our children from the east. BUT–let me remind myself this is NOT the end all.

No.

It is His glory that is.

And if this…this hard part is for His glory…then–let His will be done.

Do you have something hard in your life right now that is really HARD to say this about…but one you feel you are ready to begin to step out…and say THY WILL BE DONE for?

Because for us–adopting again is NOT the end all. I want to adopt again…because I want a big family, I love children and we feel called to adopt. I want to be well. I want to have my energy back. BUT even this…EVEN THIS…is not the end all. It is His glory.

In Isaiah 55:11-13 the Lord gives a promise to us as we seek to send His Word out…

“It is the same with my word.
I send it out, and it always produces fruit.
It will accomplish all I want it to,
and it will prosper everywhere I send it.
You will live in joy and peace.
The mountains and hills will burst into song,
and the trees of the field will clap their hands!
Where once there were thorns, cypress trees will grow.
Where nettles grew, myrtles will sprout up.
These events will bring great honor to the LORD’s name;
they will be an everlasting sign of his power and love.”

The Lord has a PURPOSE for the thorn bush and the briers.

He has a plan for the pain.

In the place of the thorn bush will be a pine. And the briars will be replace with a myrtle.

This will be for HIS renown. An everlasting sign which will not be distorted.

Did you know that the Lord’s purposes for YOU are good…they are BIG! And some times the hard parts…are just part of the beautiful story He is writing for you.

As I was in the shower this morning (the ONLY place I get quite these days and hence where I have most of my revelations…nice I know, right?!), I thought about ALL THE WHAT IFS. What if I don’t get better? What if this doesn’t turn out the way I want? What if this develops into neurological Lyme and I lose my mind? What if? What if? What if? Then, I felt the Spirit question my heart, “Do you believe I can heal you?” I answered, “ABSOLUTELY.”

I smiled and thought, “Absolutely…because I am yours. And I believe you will heal me.”

And I really do.

And thinking of the word absolutely in my mind made me smile–and think of His goodness and faithfulness in my past.

ABSOLUTELY reminds me of the conversation I had that day with the international pediatrician in regards to our son’s referral. It was awful. As we looked over all the details of my sweet boy’s physical health–she rattled off that word OVER and OVER and OVER. It felt like a knife in my heart.

“Might he never sit? ABSOLUTELY. Might he never walk? ABSOLUTELY. Will he potentially have severe brain damage? ABSOLUTELY. The list went on. AND…it was painful. I knew in my heart–HE WAS MY SON. How DARE her talk about him that way. Because I knew in my heart the Lord was going to do something BIG. I KNEW it. I BELIEVED it. SURE–it might look different than I wanted it to–but HE WAS MINE.

After she finished her rattling and completed it with her recommendation for us to turn down the referral given our young children at home–I said, “Doctor, I appreciate your opinions and time–but is this boy is my son? ABSOLUTELY. Please sign what you have to sign and fax it as soon as possible to our agency so we can move forward.”

I knew he was MINE.

Today–I can be tempted to think or fall into the pattern of that old doctor. What if this happens? What if that happens? What if? What if? What if? You might very well be struggling with this temptation too.

And it’s really your choice what voice you listen to.

The WHAT IFS or WHAT IS TRUE ABOUT WHO HE IS.

What you must know–is that you have a Father in heaven that is LOUDER than the “what if’s”. He who called you if FAITHFUL. Consider and remember His acts of faithfulness in your past–and hold TIGHT to His call on your life for your future. He who called us to fight for our son–is my heavenly Father who cares for and will fight for me. And for you.

Because you have a Father in heaven that is shouting LOUDER than the What Ifs, “I appreciate your opinions and time and recognizing the what ifs–but is this PRECIOUS GIRL my daughter? Absolutely. She is mine. And I have a good, pleasing and perfect will for her life. Despite the hard right now–I will not leave her. The waters will rush over–the winds will blow in the storm–they will not sweet over her or crush her–for I AM the Lord her God, and I will carry her through this. She can trust me–because SHE IS MINE.”

I really do believe the Lord is going to see me through these hard days–and I really believe He will completely heal me in a way that only He receives the glory. I believe He can do this in your life too…in any area you are reaching to touch His cloak and see a miracle. I am excited and thankful for all that He will do–and I wait in expectation for His goodness to rain down. How thankful I am for the friends and family He has given me to love us through this not easy time–and how thankful I am that He even leads me through writing it down in this post…so one day I can remember and celebrate–even this.

Blessings to you this day…as you cling to the One who called you and trust Your Father over all the what ifs too.

Andrea