Not always easy. And tonight is one of those—not easy…tired of waiting…this was fun but I’m ready for my baby now moments;). Slowly we have been creaping up on on our agency’s waitlist. We are unofficially #12 on the boys list…getting much closer to single digits—and I’m just getting anxious and ready. Bare with me friends while I just put myself back in the right place…with scripture.
Philippians 4:6…Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Psalms 139:23-24… Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way of everlasting.
“I am waiting for the Lord, my soul is waiting for Him, and my hope is in His Word.” Psalms 130:5
“Jehovah is pleased with those fearing Him, with those waiting for His kindness.” Psalms 147:11
“When I was waiting quietly for the Lord, His heart was turned to me, and He gave ear to my cry.” Psalms 40:1
“Now may the God who gives comfort and strength in waiting make you of the same mind with one another in harmony with Christ Jesus…” Romans 15:5
“Love is never tired of waiting.”1 Corinthians 13:4
“So that you may not be slow in heart, but may take as your example those to whom God has given their heritage, because of their faith and their long waiting.” Hebrews 6:12
Momma’s heart is longing tonight. And just like I couldn’t sleep often when I was pregnant with your siblings…tonight is one of those nights as I wait on you. It’s a miracle I guess that the Lord does in a momma’s heart! One night–I’ll be sitting on this same yellow couch…in the same still, quiet only YOU will be upstairs sleeping with the rest. I will be able to walk in your room too…pat you on the back as you sleep…and some times even rock you in the middle of the night. Your daddy and I dreamed tonight what you would look like…he wondered if you’d have curly hair and I laughed saying I bet you would. Then I imagine you running through our home…joining the chaos of our crazy little crew…and how my heart never knew it was missing anything until the Lord put that same mommy longing in my heart as he did for each of your siblings. YET…I must tell you–I have longed for you like no other. A momma shouldn’t confess things like that. But I must tell you—that is just how special you are!!! Again, another miracle in this momma’s heart. I was always patient in my 9 months of waiting because I knew it was best for them to stay the full term and when God had ’em ready–they’d come. I’m having a much harder time believing the same for you—as you’ve probably already been born. So, now this momma wants you home. I remember when I had to leave your brother at the hospital after he was born because he had respiratory problems. He had to stay in the NICU and although his stay was a short 5 days—they were the longest 5 days of my life. I felt like my heart was across town in the NICU…and really—it was just horrible. So, that’s the best description I’ve got for how I feel now. Only it’s been much longer than 5 days—and you are across the world. AND MY HEART ACHES. It’s around the world–and there’s absolutely nothing this momma can do to get you any faster…believe I did all the fancy feet work I could in record time;). BUT I have to remember. The Lord knew when the best time was for your siblings to come into our world—and He also knows the best time for YOU. My heart is being stretched—but I have to believe that it’s not the right time…YET. Your daddy assured me tonight not to fret because in a few months you would be in my arms–and I told him not to say such things because my heart can’t take it. Yep–you are one loved little bird alright. And I’m longing for the day I fly across the world and bring you home once and for all.
“Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young–a place near your altar, O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.” Psalm 84:3