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Kids Perspectives on Interracial Marriage…

Some days, I think one of the best gifts I’m giving my interracial family–is an interracial family.

I’m thankful how they see one another–as siblings, friends and brothers and sisters in Christ.

I’m sure some–even some reading this blog don’t dig it. And that’s okay. You can close out my blog with the little “x” in the top corner and mosey on to a site you do like:) I’m cool with that.

My kids are growing up seeing race differently. It’s just natural when your siblings are different races and you fall in love with each other on different levels. You still see color because apples are still red and oranges are orange, but you know that really we are all made by God with similar DNA and hearts but with different pigments and hair. (Yes–it’s harder for my kids and the comments they get–but they are better and stronger because of it.) I’ve heard that kids who grow up with siblings of different races are more likely to also marry interracially. Which for us–oh my…we just want our children to find spouse’s that love the Lord, love them and who are willing to stick together through thick and thin. There are seasons of thick and then we have to go through in our little family–and they are growing up seeing the world differently.

Studies show your cultural background in fact does effect how you perceive interracial marriage.

And I was reminded this today.

A precious tween shocked me when out of the blue he came up to me and said, “I could never marry _____ because he’s Asian. I could never marry ____ because he’s black.”

My mommy heart CRUSHED for a moment and took a breath.


I forget the world sees each other differently–and some how our kids often do too.

YET–I’m thankful.

Thankful that later when I sat my kids down and asked them questions that led to could you see yourself marrying someone of this race or that cultural background–that they looked at me like that was the most ridiculous question they have ever heard.

Having an interracial family–has it’s hard times when people say things that take you back and it’s no doubt the hardest on our children of a different race who don’t have parents that look like them–and it doesn’t master if it’s a kid or an adult who says the hard them to them or to us…because there are little sprinkles of truth from their hearts in every statement that flows from their mouth. Matthew 15:18 says “But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.” (Does it really hurt your feelings LESS if a kid calls you fat? Just saying. It still makes you want to bop the kid over the head with a newspaper and say, “Didn’t your momma teach you how to use the brain the good Lord gave you?”)


Today I was also thankful to hear my oldest child’s response to probing questions about interracial marriage. My almost 10 year old’s exact words, “Mom–are you kidding? Why would that even matter?”

But for many awesome kids–because they are STILL awesome kids–it does matter. They are raised by awesome parents. In awesome homes. With what they might think is lots of diversity around them…because they sit next to a child who is Asian and they kick a soccer ball with a kid who’s black. I’m not really sure if I’d call that being raised around diversity–but for some it’s their definition. There is a difference between being exposed to diversity and diversity being a part of your life. And my kids–it’s a part of their life. Family is a gift. And the hearts of our kids hearts are being shaped to see hearts more than anything else as they fall deeply in love, as they are bonded, as they would do anything in the world for their siblings–who may or may not look anything like them on the outside–but day by day their hearts seem to sing the same song.

I sat there today and listened to all the reasons why the different races are unattractive from the mouth of tween that looked like me–and it made me realize that if you do not have a beautiful interracial family–you might have to work a little harder as a parent to teach your children how to really SEE. Because this isn’t a race issue–or what you are attracted to issue–but it’s a HEART issue. We need to teach our children through life experience to understand…to know…to really SEE hearts.

And not every child or adult will get it.

And bless their hearts when they don’t. But they are the one’s choosing to not really live–missing out on many sweet relationship as instead they walk through life with people that look exactly like them.

But as a momma–I just wish they knew not to say their racist opinions about interracial friendships, relationships or future marriages to a momma of an interracial family—especially in front of her kids…who are listening…who hear…who might be hurt…whose hearts I will have to mend and rebuild later.

We should be able to marry—to befriend—to love and see deeply all races, shapes and sizes. And when our children say they can’t…instead of creating more diverse situations for them maybe we need to focus on their heart–because sitting next to another Japanese or Chinese or black or Hispanic child probably won’t change a thing. We have to teach them how to see hearts…for their sake…for their future spouse choices…for their future marriages—and it starts while they are young.

I’m so thankful I married my friend. He pursued me for months–and I thought of him as a friend…and through our friendship I saw his heart. And his heart was what won me. His heart is what grew our family…that looks so beautiful and perfect to me. How thankful I am my momma taught me to see the heart above all else. And to marry someone with a beautiful heart. The handsome part is just extra that is after effect of his being the hands and feed of Jesus daily to me.

And as for prepping your kids who are still growing and learning and discovering…

If you are not an interracial family–it might be enlightening for you to sit down and ask your kids questions to see what they might say. After all, it would be better for them to say it to you so you can also see your child’s heart giving you the opportunity to talk about race together rather than say it to a proud mom of an interracial family. It’s okay for our children to have opinions–even if there is truth to it for him/her/you–some things are better kept to ourselves especially if they are surface issues instead of the heart.

LOVE this Cheerios commercial…

Meg - February 20, 2014 - 8:08 am

Excellently written.

Abby - February 21, 2014 - 6:55 am

I absolutely love this post!!!

Crystal Als - February 26, 2014 - 3:25 pm

My family is interracial (I’m white,husbands black)and we have the most adorable little caramel babies. I often laugh at the snide comments and looks we both get when we are out but I know that my children will grow up loving and accepting ALL kids not just the kids that match their skin tones.

Kelly - March 19, 2014 - 3:17 pm

Andrea, I love this.