Today was a hard day. That’s about all I can say as I hold back tears. I had passing thoughts through out my day reminding me that…
1. God called us to this.
2. It will be worth it. (because obedience is always better than worse case scenerio)
Our day started off crazy—it involved stool samples, labs, 2 older kids wrestling / my 20 month old struggling with his new place and a precious new one that needs his momma to hold him most of the day. I woke up at 11:30pm after crashing at 8pm with Isaac in my arms in our bed…looked over at my precious hubby in the hallway folding clothes and said, “Could you lay here for awhile with him…I think I haven’t had a shower in a few days.” (He sleeps GREAT as long as someone is beside him.) Our bonding is happening…but there is definitely a cost.
Frank is struggling. I’m bouncing him on one hip and every opportunity I have with Isaac happy in a jumpy or napping, I’m holding Frank and smoothering him with kisses. And then…I find myself saying to the older ones a gazillon times a day, “Quiet voices please—you’re scaring the baby.” Where upon they lower their voices, giggle and eventually just get crazier. The cocooning phase for the older ones is making them a bit delirious I’m afraid. And tonight–I am simply reminded of the costs in knowing and following the Lord. And I hold back tears–while I type this.
And I tell myself—It. Will. Be. Worth. It.
Tonight, I find my encouragement from Philippians 3. Confession—I think I may have been too confident that *I* could do this. But that is confidence in my flesh. And I can’t. I need to know Jesus deeper and clint to His strength. Not sure where each of you are—but I hope this encourages you as well. Be encouraged by Philippians with me–and trust with me that the hard days of following Jesus can be counted as loss:
No Confidence in the Flesh
Finally, my brothers, rejoice in the Lord! It is no trouble for me to write the same things to you again, and it is a safeguard for you.
Watch out for those dogs, those men who do evil, those mutilators of the flesh. For it is we who are the circumcision, we who worship by the Spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh— though I myself have reasons for such confidence.
If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless.
But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
Pressing on Toward the Goal
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.
So much goodness in these verses. I get to count the hard parts as loss of knowing Jesus more. Today I felt Him carrying me. Today I cried out to Him and He was present. It wasn’t me loving my children and keeping my cool—but it was the Holy Spirit and His power. And tomorrow—I will need Him again. In this process, I pray I am transformed to look more like Him and to have a heart more like His. I’m thankful my citizenship is in heaven, and that I get to press on to the goal that He has called me to. And I realize—many of you are right there with me…whether you are adopting or not, waiting, struggling with the hardness of your current calling…it looks different for us all–but we can be sure that if life is too easy—we just might be missing our calling because one thing we are promised is that following Him will never be easy. So…as you follow Him—will you press on with me?
Each day–is a new day.
I’m confident that tomorrow He will guide me and be my strength again. Oh my…did I just write that? Check out the power in scripture!
Truly, I don’t know how people do life without Jesus. Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus! Isn’t it amazing how He changes your heart from being tired—to being excited and hopeful for what tomorrow brings?! Wow…the power of the Holy Spirit. On a “wow, God is faithful note”, I was reminded today how far our little guy has come…really, I am reminded of that daily…but today–it came by a phone call. Our agency caseworker saw a picture of Isaac on my blog and she honestly couldn’t believe it was the same child we were referred just 4 months ago. You wouldn’t believe the work that God has done…really–it is UNBELIEVABLE (how I love serving an unbelievable God who does the unfathomable!) and we are so thankful. It is an answer to prayer that he is sitting before his 1st birthday which will come next month. He just started sitting—and I am amazed and thankful! Another good thing God has done…and we are so glad! In our babe’s referral—all we got was “he smiles…not holding his head up…BUT we see God’s power and grace in his face”. And we knew—he was our son! I am so thankful for you Isaac Temesgen. Isaac “he smiles” and Temesgen “Thank you God!”…such a fitting name for such a miracle! WE LOVE YOU SWEET SON!
Thank you for your prayers, your words of encouragement, and for trusting the Lord with me. May He “wow” you today as you trust deeper each day in Him. May you be reminded in difficult days that they are to be counted loss as you follow Him and to press on to the prize and goal He has called you to. Tomorrow is a new day…and I’m excited to get to spend it with 4 of my favorite littles:). Have a great day!