As I sit here in my QUIET house (thank you momma for taking the older 3!)…with classical music softly playing and my 11 month old baby napping–I am taken back by the transformation work of the Lord.
I stand over Isaac Temesgen’s bed watching him sleep–getting him to sleep was no easy task this morning. Feeding. Rocking. Singing. Shushing. More singing. I love you Lord…and I lift my voice…to worship You–O my soul–rejoice…take pride my King…in what you hear–may it be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear… He starts to squirm, and I sing more and hold him tighter. He isn’t used to be held during naps. He starts to wake–so I give in to putting him in his crib as I stay close by as he can no longer rest being held so snuggly.
I lay him down, and he startles. Then he cries. He isn’t comfortable here yet–and isn’t sure what he wants or needs. I put the bottle back in his mouth and (mental picture here please…) then I lean completely over the crib with my feet almost in the air and put my cheek against his…and begin to shush and sing again..I love you Lord…and I lift my voice…softer than before this time. And his eyes begin to roll back and close again. Then he coos. But just as he drifts off–he raises his hand to embrace my face…to make sure I’m still there. And I am.
My feet are still in the air–and my abdomen is beginning to ache leaning over the crib so he can feel my cheeks against his. His sweet little hands rub now and again against my cheek. He begins to breath deeply–and his arms go limp. I stand over his crib watching him sleep for what seems forever–ready to dive back over again should he check to see if I’m still here. Although the monitor is on full blast downstairs, and I can sprint back to his crib in 3.5 seconds…I want to stay for awhile so he knows in an instant…I. Am. Not. Going. Anywhere. You. Are. Here. To. Stay. You. Are. Safe.
And once again–this morning, I am reminded of how the Savior loves us, pursues us, and cares for us…His children.
In my first days as a believer almost 15 years ago–I doubted His goodness and although I wanted to believe He would always be there and would always care for me…I just doubted. I questioned. I felt insecure. I even felt really lonely not yet knowing and connecting with other believers…I didn’t understand yet what it meant to have a family in the body of Christ.
As I stand over the crib and watch my son sleep–I am reminded of myself…being transformed from orphan to His child. He is ALWAYS there. He LOVES me. And in the first days of knowing Him–He carried me and was so patient with me. As I have grown, He has allowed me to walk and even some times fall. BUT–I am sure…so SURE…that He is MORE than 3.5 seconds away. He is RIGHT there…always leaning over with His cheek pressed to mine…longing for me to sing back worship to Him…even with Him.
And for Isaac Temesgen–it, too, will take time. To know I’m here. To know what family is. To know we aren’t going any where–and he isn’t either. To know our love. To trust us. And it won’t always be cute, fun or easy. And slowly fear will be transformed into belief and understanding. And He will know a family’s love–and rest…and one day he will not raise his little hand to be sure I am RIGHT there–because he’ll just know I am…and all he has to do is cry out.
For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” Romans 8:14-16
Adoption on this Earth and adoption to our King are both so beautiful. And really–just make…SO. MUCH. SENSE. There is brokenness. There is hurt. There is pain. BUT. There is hope. There is healing. AND. There will be JOY. And purpose. All. Through. His. Power.
So thankful for all He is teaching me as I follow Him in adoption…both here and in the heavenly realm. Our God is great. And worthy to be praised.