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Counting the cost…

Counting the Cost of the Journey from Tapestry on Vimeo.

Richard and I are slowly but surely getting things checked off our home study–we’re getting there…and this time–it has taken longer…because this time…we know what the cost really looks like.

This time–I’m surrendering more to Him…my fears…the unknowns…the hard stuff–because I know what it looks like on a much different level.

There is a cost. And the costs, for us, are really much too long to list here.

We had to learn how to parent differently. (Trust me–it has to be different for healing to happen.) We had to figure out how to continue in the same parenting strategies with our older kids while appearing to at first be very lenient for months on end with a new one who came home very scared and unsure of the new smells, people, environment. There was a cost in putting my other children to bed at night and giving that sacred, sweet time to my husband. There was a cost in the opinions of the outside world…others who knew nothing about international adoption…hurtful things being said by even people we loved. There were so many costs…many of which we had no idea that we would be making.

Our first adoption journey was so miraculous as we raced through every step and my heart KNEW I had a son that needed to come home…who needed his momma to rock him…and I couldn’t WAIT to get him home. This second journey is amazing because I know the cost on a different level. And just as my son was worth and is worth the cost…so is she.

How wise it is for us to do like Dr. Purvis’s challenges us to do when considering growing our family through adoption. Sure there are costs any time you grow your family, but I must be honest and say the costs are quite different in bringing home a 1 year old, 3 year old or even 13 year old from an institutionalized setting verses a wee, tiny one.

I will tell you–as you prepare…as you read…as you dive into books like some of my favorites on helping littles heal like “The Connected Child” or “Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child”–you will bit by bit be more prepared for the costs ahead. Each and every one…which I must tell you–IS SO WORTH IT!!!

Y’all don’t forget the Created for Care retreat sign up is THIS Thursday, September 1st beginning at 12:01am EST. The registration fee is $165 (must be paid at the time of registration through Paypal) and covers all of your food for the weekend, retreat materials and your t-shirt. For families that are unsure if they will be traveling that weekend–we will be able to give refunds until December 27th–1 month before the retreat. After that time, you can simply sell your spot to a friend or someone on the retreat wait list. More details to come. Visit for more:)

Naomi - August 31, 2011 - 9:48 am

What a great video and post! I hope you don’t mind but I posted it on my blog too. I am also in the same place as you, counting the cost the second time around. We adopted a girl from China in 2009 and are now starting an adoption to Uganda for a boy. I am so much more aware of all the difficulties than can arise.

Thank you for sharing!

Lauren - August 31, 2011 - 10:22 am

wish I could go to ALL the breakout sessions! How will I ever choose??? oh the dilemna! haha

Kristi - August 31, 2011 - 8:20 pm

We recently had to count the costs of our adoption plans and found the cost too high. I have a hard time accepting that it’s okay–even right–to say “no” to adopting this child we had hoped was to be our son. This video is another encouraging confirmation that we made the right decision for our family at this time–even if it breaks our heart!

So glad I found this tonight. Thanks!

Lisa - September 1, 2011 - 11:43 am

Hi Andrea, I have thought for ages that I wanted to let you know how your blog – well, YOU – have encouraged me so much in the Lord. Especially in regards to adoption. You have made me realise so much what I wasn’t really seeing about so many little ones and their plight, and you have been as real as you can in cyberspace about the difficulties you’ve all had. Anyway, I wanted to encourage you tonight that it’s through reading your blog (rarely commenting tho’ sorry!) that DH and I have prayed about and are now seeking to add to our family through adoption too. May your family continue to be know the shelter of His presence as you wait and count the cost for your dear little Chinese girl.