The Young Family Farm »

Masthead header

Called to Walk by Faith…

I haven’t written very much about what is REALLY going on with me–but I feel today…on this sweet day of Sabbath…I am being asked to share. Walk by faith…

Every week, I visit random doctors for this ailment or that. One says maybe it’s the beginning stages of MS. Another confirms through blood work Lyme’s disease. My eye doctors send me up a tier each month to another specialist–even tomorrow morning at 7:30 (the best time for stay-at-home mommies to get in so they can be back home in time to start the day…changing diapers, fixing breakfast–and in my case–teaching homeschool to my two older ones while the younger two play Thomas.)

Every week, I feel like I lose more vision in my right eye…I’m more and more fatigued…I feel like I struggle with remembering things…and some days I’m challenged to pronounce words and I have to concentrate to express myself (so forgive me if this blog post makes no sense–but I hope it does:). I’ve always felt called to write–and my heart still wants to write a book–and I have to smile thinking maybe it’ll be a children’s book instead of the novel my heart has always longed to write. Still…I hold on–believing. I am called to walk by faith.

Last March, the Lord laid on our hearts the call to adopt a special needs little girl from China. I still believe that will happen. Walk by faith.

As we stepped out in faith, completed loads of paperwork, finished our home study…we dreamed of a BIG family. Richard asked me if I was SURE we were also done having children biologically. I laughed…winked at my man…and said, “Nope. I’m not sure;).”

These longings and hopes–they are still in my heart.

But for now, they are put to rest…just in a slumber. We are at peace. Yet, every now and again–when Laney says, “Momma, can I put this dress away that doesn’t fit me any more for my little sister?” or when I fold up the 18 month jammies that no longer fit Isaac…I feel it…the struggle between walking, trusting and believing and fear of accepting broken dreams…things that we were sure were promises and even calls from our sweet heavenly Father.

Have you ever experienced this?

Are you there now?

It’s the struggle between being called to walk by faith and fear of the future if things do not change the way I want them to.

2 Corinthians 5:7 “We live by faith, not by sight.”

And for us–we are walking by faith because we have seen and experienced His faithfulness on this journey.

Every step of the way, the Lord has provided…a new doctor–another person going through this same thing to shed light and encouragement. While every doctor seems to have a different plague for me to hear–there has been some light shed in it. Recently I found a new doctor who comes highly recommended…who thinks she can help me…but of course she doesn’t take our insurance. So–walking by faith here is emptying our adoption savings–trusting He will provide again–and spending $2,000 in just 2 visits in 2 weeks with many more on the horizon. But she is helping me strengthen my immune and GI system which have both been compromised–and I see bits of the puzzle being put back together. I heart though–wants it all at once.

I told Richard I want to reach out…and touch His coat…and be healed.

The God who performed miracles is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Don’t you love this story…

Mark 5:25-35

“A large crowd followed and pressed around Jesus. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.

At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?”

“You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?’ ”

But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”

I have faith He CAN and WILL heal me. I really believe He will. But while I wait–I will just put one foot in front of the other and follow Him. I will go to the doctors He gives me guidance to go to–and on weeks He tells me to wait–I will wait. While this might sound crazy to many, I sense His presence and know He is enough and He is caring for me.

Today I can just see out of my left eye. I got glasses last July–and tomorrow I’ll need new ones as the blurriness grows. I’ll make decisions based on reality and what is true today–but I will also press into to Jesus. I will continue to reach for His cloak and in faith believe I can be healed–by Him alone.

Last night, I lay in bed unable to sleep. I felt I was battling so much more than unknowns…but there was a spiritual battle in all of this as well. I lay there hearing lies, “This is your new life…you’ll never be the same again…people are going to just think you are crazy as your memory goes…you have no future because you are going to get sicker and sicker and sicker…” Lie after lie–I whispered truth in my heart. THE LORD, MY GOD, IS WTH ME. HE IS ENOUGH. IN MY WEAKNESS HE IS STRONG. And I felt His Spirit calling me to CLING to Him and walk by faith. To trust Him. TO BELIEVE I COULD BE HEALED…and THAT I WILL BE HEALED.

I got up and went downstairs and began to pray. I took my supplements for my GI and sleep problems that join the list of issues I am striving to run the race with and press through. Then I felt Him guide me to go to my computer type something in the search engine. The first article that came up was enough to encourage my heart in the calling I feel He is
calling me to walk in…

To trust in HIM.

To wait on HIM.

To listen for Him to tell me what the next step is.

To walk by faith AND NOT BY SIGHT (I’m losing that anyway…so I better walk by faith right;)?!

I started this blog 2 years ago to document our adoption journey. God shined and showed off all through our adoption journey. If you don’t believe me–read this blog from beginning to end. I love how He laid the name ISAAC on our hearts–which means “to smile”…and what do you know the ONLY thing checked on our boy’s referral paperwork that HE COULD DO was “smile”. He was 8 months at referral–and couldn’t lift his head, he couldn’t sit and he couldn’t even eat anything other than the special formula UNICEF provided. We knew he was ours. The international pediatrician told us that the problems looked to great and she didn’t recommend us to accept His referral. YET the Lord gave us peace. We knew in our hearts Isaac…this boy who only smiles was to be ours…and we walked by faith AND NOT BY SIGHT. Praise God that we did! Praise God that He has healed our boy! Praise God that our problems with him now are just normal sharing and listening like any 2 year old boy! Glory be to God in the highest. We heard His call and followed. Despite what the world said–we listened to our Creator…because He is good. And ultimately His desire is to heal and bless His children He so dearly loves.

Last night–I felt the Lord whisper to my heart–to BELIEVE. To trust and believe I will be healed. This blog is no longer just about adoption–but about following Him…walking by faith…and trusting God is who He says He is and that He will do all He says He will do.

I believe we WILL adopt a little girl from China one day. I even believe it’s possible one day for me to have another baby. While doctors and the world might look in and say we are crazy…or that’s impossible–I have to tell them that I serve a God who makes the impossible possible and is able to do all things. I have nothing to prove–I don’t want the impossible just because it’s impossible. I want the impossible because I feel He is calling us to it. We will wait on Him, and REST in HIS PEACE.

Luke 1:36-37
“Now indeed, Elizabeth your relative has also conceived a son in her old age; and this is now the sixth month for her who was called barren. 37 For with God nothing will be impossible.”

Matthew 19:26
“But Jesus looked at them and said to them, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

The next practical steps for us is to decide if we are going to stick with the naturopath doctor who has been treating me since November, go with this new internal med doctor here who thinks she can help me (as we deplete the adoption fund–that I know He will refund in His time) OR to head to a new doctor in Florida who will take a more aggressive route with putting a pic line in and doing IV antibiotics with mommy probably getting really sick before she gets better.

I will not live in fear but wait on Him to lead me. And I won’t lie to you and tell you that I haven’t had fears since this new journey began because it actually started in fear. My calling my daddy crying–telling him I was scared how this all might turn out. I caught myself praying with my children for mommy to be healed–and then I realized I needed to teach my kids not for mommy to be healed (for this cup to be taken from me)–but instead for HIS WILL TO BE DONE. That is how Jesus taught us to pray. That is the example He set. The lessons we are learning as a family…will change us forever…as we are learning to trust in Him in new ways together and to walk by faith and not by sight.

We are holding hands now believing in His healing power–and reaching for His coat. I will press into Jesus…nearer and nearer…trusting in His perfect timing…and His will to be done.

And I will lift my hands in worship while I wait on His promises to be filled…believing ONE day I will be completely healed. And this story–it will be a testimony to His healing power.

He who has called you will not forget you–His timing is perfect. Will you trust Him and believe Him with me? If there are things in your life you feel He has called you too–and you are longing to be restored so His promises can be fulfilled…take a minute to sit before Him…to listen to this song…and step out in faith with me…trusting Him in a deeper way…

emily - February 19, 2012 - 2:42 pm

Thank you for your honesty and boldness in writing what you are walking through. I love knowing how to pray specifically for you, friend.
He is the healer!


Dawn Wright - February 19, 2012 - 2:43 pm

PRAYING for you dear friend! Having FAITH!!! KNOWING GOD will lead you in HIS PATH!!!

Love hearing your heart. It helps me know how to pray for you more specifically!!!

Joy portis - February 19, 2012 - 2:45 pm

Love you sweet friend! Praying and trusting with you in the Lord”s healing and perfect plan for you and your family! Thank you for sharing the journey with us! What a priveledge it is to pray with and for you!

Sara Bouman - February 19, 2012 - 2:54 pm

Andrea, I am praying for you. And I appreciate this post. It deeply encouraged me.

Julie Bennett - February 19, 2012 - 3:16 pm

Andrea, thank you again for your testimony of abiding in HIM! As Dawn stated, I’m thankful to be able to pray so specifically for you. I was just listening to some of the speakers from the Orphan Summit IV. I just finished John Piper’s session on “What Does It Mean to Live by Faith in the Service of the Fatherless?” before reading this post. He states:

In that moment of trusting Jesus alone, you are justified, you are forgiven, you are totally accepted by God, you are adopted into his eternal family, you are loved, you are secure forever. And all of that by grace alone, through faith alone, on the basis of Christ alone, to the glory of God alone. So that, from that moment on, everything you do you do in this faith. Everything you do from that moment on, you do in the confidence that you are accepted, you are justified, and God is 100% on your side—not in order to be accepted or be justified or to get God to be 100% on your side. That is, from that moment on, you live by faith. Nothing you do from that moment on creates or earns God’s commitment to be 100% for you and never against you. That has been settled by faith alone in Christ alone.
As you I know you know Andrea, HE’S 100% WITH YOU!!

Kim - February 19, 2012 - 4:01 pm

Beautiful! Thank you for reminding that His timing is perfect in all things. I needed to be reminded today to walk with FAITH and not by sight. God CAN do all things, nothing is impossible with you. Keep walking out your faith, for God loves a heart who is faithful. You have a beautiful testimony of God’s grace.

Beth in Atlanta - February 19, 2012 - 4:03 pm

Oh, Andrea. Thank you for sharing your heart. I am praying for you.

When I wake up in the middle of the night frightened or anxious, these are the verses I say (often outloud and rather emphatically). They are my ‘take that’ sword thrust to the voices that are dragging me down. “I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer. My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge. The Lord is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised and I am saved from my enemies!” Ps 18:1-3
A couple of things I especially love about these verses – they tell me that He is my rock, He is the fortress built upon that rock AND He is my deliverer inside that fortress on that rock! 🙂 I also learned that ‘horn of salvation’ indicates a symbol of power. So when it says that He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, it is telling me that He is both my offense and by defense.

Continue to lean hard into Him. And tell Him all about it. Don’t hold anything back. He loves you so tenderly and passionately and He has such plans for you.

Staci - February 19, 2012 - 4:23 pm

Standing by you in faith and praying in agreement with you for wisdom, direction, and obedience to God’s direction.

Anna - February 19, 2012 - 5:46 pm

I meant to message you the other day that your blog is like Pinterest for me…I get lost in your story and before I know it I have spent over an hour reading on your blog and I am filled up on your words and blessed with the inspiration and light God sends through you. 🙂 I am sorry to hear about the medical complications you are dealing with. You are so incredibly strong. I will pray for you and I do have faith and trust in him that he will heal you.

Kaylyn - February 19, 2012 - 8:36 pm

Oh, sweet friend, In KNOW he will heal you, I know that He is working your heart to be more like His, that you BELIEVE he will heal you, it is so beautiful!!

Lara - February 19, 2012 - 9:48 pm

Oh, Andrea. Keep on reaching for His coat, sister. He loves you so dearly.

Tiffini - February 19, 2012 - 10:34 pm

Thank you for being real and honest. You are in an excruciatingly hard place, but you are giving glory to God in the midst of it. I’m praying for you.

Lisa - February 20, 2012 - 7:37 am

Andrea, doing my quiet time this morning after reading your post and I couldn’t help but think of you when reading my scripture for today. Psalm 34:4 “I sought the Lord, and He heard me and delivered me from all my fears.” Praying for the Holy Spirit to wash over you and immerse you in peace.

Meliss Barnett - February 20, 2012 - 11:09 am

Hi Andrea !
I have read your blog since we began our Adoption Journey from Ethiopia .Both of our Sons are home now (one in Dec and then our second Son in Jan ).I posted Before on your blog about My 15 yr old Daughter having Lyme.She is Chronic and very sick and will be getting a picc line soon. Many of the symptoms you Describe in your Blog are things my Daughter has as well. I would love to talk more with you more about finding a Lyme Literate Dr. near you and some other crutial things about getting on the road to recovery and the controversary with Lyme . Also go to HULU and watch Under Our Skin Documentary it will explain ALOT !! My Email is can even talk by phone Jesus will Guide you every step of the way Andrea !! You will be in my Prayers.

Morgan - February 20, 2012 - 3:12 pm

I read this the other day, and meditate on it all the time, especially when the Devil tempts me with worrying about tomorrow:

“We have an earthly reality, but I am going to stake my heart and emotions on the truths and promises in God’s Word.”

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21

Sandi - February 20, 2012 - 4:08 pm

My sister in law is a teacher & was experiencing similar neurological symptoms. It turned out to be Moya Moya. Thankfully after having revascularization brain surgery at MD Anderson her speach, neurological & vision problems have returned to normal. At one point she couldn’t even pray but that’s where others interceded for her & through prayer she was healed. Praying for answers & for miraculous healing for you!

Jenn - February 20, 2012 - 5:23 pm


Thank you for this incredibly honest and encouraging post. You will be in my prayers.

marci - February 20, 2012 - 9:05 pm

Oh, Andrea, I am so ,so sad for your not feeling aok. I know being a momma is exhausting …I just know that hatever you have will pass. You are beautiful and wonderful and God has so many greta plans for you . Heal Sister ! Allow God’s sweet whispher keep fear from ypu . If my medical family can be of any ‘words of help ” please call us. W e know that He has you in the palm of His Hand. I will include you in my Rosary prayer. Blessings and Pax,m

Kati - February 20, 2012 - 9:57 pm

Andrea, thank you for opening up your heart to us. I have never commented before, but felt the need to share a song with you. God has been speaking through it, to me, over the last few days. It is Give me faith by Elevation Church. The words are so powerful – give me faith to trust what you say, that you’re good and your love is great, I’m broken inside, I give you my life – I may be weak, you’re spirit strong in me, my flesh may fail, my God you never will. I am praying God will purposefully lead you to your next step. Love.

abby - February 20, 2012 - 11:48 pm

praying for you, sweet andrea. thank you.

Steph - February 21, 2012 - 8:44 am

Fighting fear with FAITH. God’s been speaking that to us, too. Thank you for being part of the confirmation!

Sara - February 21, 2012 - 8:25 pm

Amen and amen. Believe, sister, believe. You ARE writing a book – it iis “written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts,” for now anyway. (2 Corinthians 3:3) You are writing for all of us, but most of all you are writing on the hearts of your children as they watch you journey through this trial all while dancing with the King.

Lindsey - February 22, 2012 - 7:49 am

Andrea, thank you for sharing your heart. It’s truly beautiful and it’s evident that the Lord has a mighty work He’s doing in your life. I just wanted to share that I was diagnosed with MS when I was 18, 9 1/2 years ago. If that is indeed what is happening in your body, I would love to help you walk through that if you receive an MS diagnosis. The good thing about MS is that the fatigue and symptoms come and go… you don’t have to live this way all the time. In fact, since switching my medication 6 years ago, I have been free of ANY exacerbation! Praise God! I sat at your table at C4C one night… I’m one of the twin moms at the table where there were like 5 of us, haha!

Whether you have MS or not, it’s certainly very similar and I know that God has allowed this in your life for a very real purpose. I have never experienced His provision for me quite like I have through MS. He has made Himself so tangible and near to me through it. He truly IS our Healer! He has been so sweet to me through it.

Praying that you find a sure diagnosis soon. Thank you for sharing your sweet heart!