The Young Family Farm »

Andrea- this is so incredibly beautiful. I can’t tell you how much these words touched my heart. I appreciate your honesty and sincerity and for sharing this amazing song too.

beautiful. all of it.

As someone who also agrees that thost agency trainings are a joke and who loves ETC, THANK YOU for this post 🙂

Andrea, this is so timely as I have been mulling over many of the same thoughts you share here. We are only 6 mths in to a domestic adoption from foster care and already it looks almost nothing like what I imagined. 2 of the siblings aren’t with us and there are days when I look at my bio kids and pray for God to protect their hearts and give them understanding of the situations beyond their young years. I find myself surrendering almost daily to God after I have selfishly tried to “fix” their problems or behaviors through tough discipline instead of stepping back and looking and praying to see what the root cause is. The flesh in me sighs at the truth that 12 years of hurt and damage will likely take as long to heal, but we cling to the truth that His mercies are new every morning…thank you for writing what I couldn’t put into words…I will be sharing with family who don’t understand why we “put up” with the things we do. God bless you in your journey… i hope to be able to attend a CFC conference one day 😉

Thank You! Thank You!

Andrea,
I have followed your blog since before your little one aome home. I have often thought it is great she is sharing the good things, but I knew there had to be some tough times too. I am glad you are now sharing that. For you see, I have two adopted daughters as well as a biological daughter who has also had to adjust to having adopted siblings. The first child I adopted was 9. All of my parenting skills were immediately challenged. And no matter how much I tried to love her and discipline with care, she pushed me away. It was two years before I felt like she really trusted me, but even today 7 years later, we still have “adoption issues” that have to be dealt with. But, I know she loves me and is bonded as a forever part of our family.

The second child I adopted was almost 12. She had been through 10 foster homes. I knew from experience that it was going to be a tough transition and even harder because she was so hurt. She was 100 times tougher than my other daughter. She screamed, she cussed, she threw things, she pushed us all away, she was suspended from school 4 times in six months. Through it all I was patient, and loving, and praying with her and for her to accept us as family. I sought out help for both of us and for all of us as a family. She refused to participate. I told her no matter how hard she pushed, I would always love her. Then, my second daughter came to me and told how she was being abused physically, mentally, and sexually by this little girl. I pushed to have her placed in a mental health facility so she could get the help she needed. She was there for 9 months. She refused to come home and threatened some pretty horrific things if she were forced. A judge finally decided that it was not in my other children’s best interest to take her back into our home.

She has been out of my home for three years now. There is a piece of my heart that will always be broken for the little girl who couldn’t accept family. Legally she is still my daughter, but last month she petitioned the court to change her name back to her biological name. The judge asked her why she wanted the change. And her answer was because they hurt me by wanting to love me, I don’t want to be loved. Breaks my heart. And, yes, I still love her with all my heart.

You are right adoption is not for the faint of heart. It can and does often end well. My first adopted daughter is now 16 and I can’t imagine life without her.

Thank you for sharing your truths. People need to be prepared for it when they say yes. That child will always have a biological family no matter how young they are when adopted. My daughter was horrifically abused and still, she wants to make contact with her dad (mom was murdered in a drug deal gone bad) because “he has probably changed by now”.

Sorry to be so wordy. It is just not often that folks write about the more challenging side of adoption. It is a journey of many ups and downs, but one that is worth taking. I would do it again in a heart beat, but right now my girls just don’t feel like they can go through it again.
God Bless,
Annie

#1..LOVE that song. one of my faves. I have sang it many many times crying out to God.

#2..thanks for sharing the real story. so many times I have looked at blogs/fb updates and wondered “what is wrong with us?” because it didn’t look like what everyone else was sharing. I was exhausted and feeling so alone many times. and oh the guilt of not having oooey gooey feelings in the beginning with one of them.

thanks for sharing your heart.

Thank you so much for sharing this. I saw the link on a friend’s facebook page. I have ‘always wanted to adopt’, though I know the challenges are immense. Reading your post made me wonder what you would say to someone who was where you were before this journey began for you?

Thank you for your honesty and sincerity. These are the words our family needed to hear today. He alone is faithful. Praise the LORD!

Andrea, I really appreciate for your honesty. As we wait to pick up our little girl from China, I have been trying to prepare my heart for just how difficult, humbling, rewarding, crazy, yet beautiful our life with our daughter will be. I’m thankful for the example of godly mothers and families who have walked this path before us. It is such a blessing to have “met” you online although I wish I could ask you so much in person! Praise our Father who has adopted us out of lonely, desolate places, and set our feet upon the rock, and praise Him for allowing us to do the same for these little ones.