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April 23, 2012

Home-made Almond Butter

Sooo…my little sister just left today. She was in town visiting from Asheville, NC–and she is Miss Organic…so she was quite impressed I’d say with my almond butter skills;). Seriously–she left one night and had a date with herself at Wholefoods swooning over the size of the store up the street. She returned with a big container of almond butter–she was super impressed with the nut pressing machine there. I told her that was NOTHING…and her big sister could take the machine on and would top their almond butter;). She put me to the test–and I was crackin’ her up–so she got out the video and entertained me with a little infomercial on how to make it. SO enjoyed your visit KT!!!

Here’s her video of me making almond butter–with no makeup…hair slicked back…ready to get the job done on a Sunday night way, way too late to be doing such a workout:)

If you want to try this at home–you just need a churn or sorts. I bought mine in Zambia Africa while hanging out with Wiphan. You just spread out your nuts on a cookie sheet (almonds, peanuts, cashew–whatever…you can even combine nuts to make a yummy cashew almond butter) and roast on 350 degrees for about 15 minutes. You can grind up in a food processor OR if you want to be old school like me (because it’s way more fun–AND a better workout) you can put them in a churn and go to town. I keep mine plain, but if you like you can add vanilla, honey, salt, agave nectar…experiment and have fun!

ENJOY!

Wanted to give a shout out THANKS to Jen Pighini, Bobbi Wilson, Kathey Beymer and Molly Hellmuth for their contributions toward Tetyana’s travel from the Ukraine! THANK YOU! Thank you for being a part of the ministry at New Horizons and joining us in loving orphans in Ukraine! With the 31 Gifts Fundraiser my friend Tammy hosted added in–we have almost $350 toward her travel!!! We’ll be making the final payments in a few weeks for her travel–and we are very excited to open our hearts and home this summer to this precious 15 year old girl! You can read more about this on a post from last week! Thank you Jen, Bobbi, Kathey and Molly for joining us…you ladies are now a part of this special journey and we are so thankful to have others walking this with us and praying along side us!

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April 22, 2012

the power of a night light…

I thought I’d treat my 2 oldest to night lights a couple of weeks ago. And I just love seeing how they use them…how different these two are.

My little girl…goes to sleep almost every night with a book in hand…I have to remember to turn her night light off for her. It’s already time to buy a new bulb due to a night or two of my forgetting. Love walking by her room and seeing her take in just ONE more story before she begins to dream…

And I just have to shake my head and smile at how he uses his…

LOVE these two…and how unique they are!

She’s got her nose in the books.

He can build anything with Legos–and can maneuver a ball like no mans business on the field (and this is what this momma is watching bright and early EVERY Saturday morning…)

And after soccer–it’s baseball. I said we’d NEVER do 2 sports for 1 child–BUT when you homeschool you have more margin and we’ve had lots more margin for practices and such this year. Rico Suave always coaches–and we have the COOLEST bat-boy you’ve ever seen. Here’s coach and bat-boy after the game…

I could just GOBBLE him right up!

I TRIED to convince Isaac we needed ANOTHER batboy or soccer helper–but Isaac said he wants to sit by momma and that he has lots of work to catch up on…

After church today we went to Stone Mountain Park–will have to post some of that fun…and share my home-made almond butter action with you too…made some tonight with a churn and got a little arm workout in the process. YUMMO.

Blessings to you all!!!

Andrea

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April 20, 2012

best friends are forever…

It should be noted that our “Dinner with the Dentons” has changed from Tuesday to Thursday nights so Jack and Parker can participate in their baseball practices without rushed dinner plans to follow:). We are going strong on our weekly dinner commitment with our dear friends who really have become family through this commitment. (Never underestimate what the Lord might want to do with the neighbors next door. What began 8 years ago as formal ring-the-door-bell introductions, ‘we should do dinner some time’ and do you happen to have a cup of sugar we could borrow–has definitely turned into something that will carry us through more than we ever imagined.) Rain or shine–dinner is on…once a week together…breaking bread together once a weeknight for 4 years. Wow. Cool, huh??? For 4 years we’ve had dinner together once a week…

And these kids–because of this commitment are really growing up together…becoming the best of friends…

There hasn’t been a DAY that these children haven’t known one another. The Dentons were our neighbors many a year ago. We moved in next door to them when I was 6 months pregnant with Parker.

We’ve really been through so much together. Every pregnancy…every birth…and just about every scraped knee or scar any of us could tell you the story behind it.

On the night I ran out of the house to have Laney…in the wee hours of the night–Dent came to sleep on the couch and care for Parker (he even joined us at the hospital later when he fell down the steps with him! Thankfully–all was well!) I almost caused Jett to have her firstborn on the highway because I convinced her to WAIT until she KNEW he was coming…because she surely didn’t want them to send her home. She got there in time (thank the Lord!) but she had to have a natural birth because there wasn’t time for an epidural. (That’s what friends are for…to make our lives a little more exciting, right?!)

We’ve held up one another through hardship…through health problems…praying for pregnancies…grieving a miscarriage. We took them through our crazy adoption wait–and they’ve gone down the crazy cocoon and adjustment home time with us. And all the while…when all the kitchen talk, coffee, adults sharing over dinner…these kids–have become a band of brothers and sisters that can’t be broken…

We not only love one another’s children–but we’re close enough to wipe noses, change diapers…and know who likes their sandwich cut this way or that (not that we’d ACTUALLY go to such lengths;). We correct and guide one another’s children as if they were our own. Four years ago, we both moved–so although these kids don’t go to the same school…the same church or live in the same neighborhood…our weekly commitment to doing life together by simply breaking bread together once a week rain or shine–has led to even deeper sweeter and long-lasting friendships and memories.

And I love that this bunch will all be able to look at one another and say, “There’s never a day that I didn’t know you…”

Thankful for friends who are really family…who you can tag-team and make vacation cheaper by going together…and ones you are close enough with to come in the living room in the morning with no makeup, bed head and coffee–and ask them to not talk to you yet while you wake up–and they laugh;). Thankful for friends you can call at the last minute and ask for help when you need it–and they love you so much to help you–and vice versa. Thankful for friends children you love so much…when they fall–your heart hurts just as if they were your own…and you run to them without realizing that they aren’t yours–but they might as well be–so you run anyway. Thankful for the miracle of friendship–and how we really need one another…and how the Lord provides for us the most precious friends in the most perfect seasons.

Blessings to you this weekend!

Andrea

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Melissa in KY - April 21, 2012 - 8:06 am

You’re so blessed to have friends like that and so are the kids. We only have one 6 yr old daughter (due to apparent infertility)and I hate that she doesn’t have any friends/family like this. We have friends of course, just none that we see frequently and have children around her age. I’m praying that this changes soon!

April 19, 2012

{New Horizons Summer Hosting}

Just a couple of weeks ago–this was totally NOT on our radar. We had typical summer plans in the works–Richard will go to Zambia to do ministry work with Wiphan. The kids will go to Vacation Bible School and a sports camp here and there. And maybe we’d take a few little day trips on a last minute splurge.

Then I remembered learning about New Horizons for Children last year. Every year during the summer and Christmas holiday, New Horizons for Children brings over approximately 200 orphans living in orphanages in Lativia, Ukraine and Russia. Many of the children who are hosted are later adopted by their host families or families who got to know them and felt a connection to them while they were here. For some though, they are considered “host only” because they are aging out of the system OR they have a living birth parent who is unable to care for them but hasn’t consented to adoption. For many–this summer will be their first and possibly only experience in a family.

At first I thought this seemed a little cruel…meet a family–fall in love–and then you go back. I thought we would sponsor a child who was younger…so the chances of them being adopted were higher. But as we looked over the pictures, we actually feel in love with a girl who will age out of the system WHILE she is in our home–meaning when she returns to the Ukraine…she will no longer be able to be adopted and she will very likely be on her own. While I don’t know exactly why the Lord put this on our hearts, I have a feeling that this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship for our family to this sweet girl.

Meet–Tetyana…

I can’t WAIT for her to arrive! And I feel like I’m a doting mom and want to brag on her already. While she IS able to be adopted right now–in order to be adopted she would need a family who is already home-study ready filing for their USCIS and starting the process now. So while it looks unlikely that she will be adopted (pray the Lord will bring a family or even move in our own hearts if it is His will!) She is AMAZING. She loves poetry–and recites in contests. She loves folk dance–and competes competitively through her school. She loves to cook–and for years has worked with the cooks in the kitchen at the orphanage…a little apprentice…making ravioli from scratch! AND…she loves to embroider and her embroidery has won awards!!!

She is so talented–and she truly does have such a hopeful future ahead of her!

YET–the statistics for orphans who age out of the system in this part of the world are not good.

According to How to Help Orphans states: “In Ukraine and Russia 10% -15% of children who age out of an orphanage commit suicide before age 18, 60% of the girls are lured into prostitution, 70% of the boys become hardened criminals. Another Russian study reported that of the 15,000 orphans aging out of state-run institutions every year, 10% committed suicide, 5,000 were unemployed, 6,000 were homeless and 3,000 were in prison within three years.”

This is the opposite of hopeful…with amazing gifts in embroidery, cooking, dancing and poetry…forgotten. I really believe the Lord has a plan for these children–and while the Lord doesn’t always make sense…while we have 4 kids 7 and under–we are going to change up our summer plans and bring home this precious 15 year old girl…who I know is going to probably radically rock our worlds once again.

Thank you to everyone who participated in the 31 Gifts Fundraiser! We raised almost $200 toward Tetyana’s travel!!! Thank you for joining us in helping us bring her to America to be in our home and experience family through ours. We are going to have a fun little yard-sale next month to go toward these unexpected summer plans and expenses. We have A LOT of stocking up to do before she arrives–and I’m thankful we will be able to send her home with everything we get for her as she will be able to take it home and keep some of it-and also share it with others in her same circumstances too.

There ARE a couple of ways you can help in summer hosting–there are a couple of ways to get involved and help orphans in this program with us…

1. New Horizons STILL NEEDS families who are willing to host a child! The travel expenses, Visa costs, etc is right at $3,000. It’s NOT too late to host! And you can fill out an application and host 1 child or a sibling group for THIS summer! Visit the New Horizons website here for more information: http://www.newhorizonsforchildren.org/

2. If this isn’t your summer to host, we would love to invite you to come alongside our family! The cost of travel alone is $3,000 for each child to come. The experience they have with family and the fruit that comes from it–are priceless. New Horizons has set up a site for families so anyone who wants to be a part can make donations to the host child’s travel through them–and because New Horizons is a non-profit any donation is 100% tax-deductible! If you would like to make a donation for Tetyana’s travel directly that is also tax-deductible, you can do that by CLICKING ON THIS LINK.

3. You can pray for us as we prepare to bring Tetyana to our home this summer. I know it will be very different having and entertaining a teenager, but I’m so excited to get to know this precious girl and can’t wait for her to be a part of our family this summer! I know there will be many challenges with language barriers and even caring for a new one during our summer–so please add us to your prayer list and that the Lord would be with us! We would love to have you join us by being a prayer warrior/partner in loving and ministering to this precious child with us!

4. Pray specifically that if it is the Lord’s will for Tetyana–because she will be 16 THIS July–please pray that if it is the Lord’s will for her to be a permanent part of a family here that a miracle would happen as the ball needs to be rolling for something to happen before she turns 16 in July. Pray if this doesn’t happen–that our hands would be forever open to be willing to be used however and whenever to care for this sweet one. Thank you.

And thank you to those of you who join us in serving her. Truly–we are the body of Christ.

Serving Together,

Andrea Young

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Deena - April 19, 2012 - 10:45 am

What a wonderful program! Good luck as you bring Tetyana to the U.S. My sister-in-law is Ukrainian and I just passed your blog on to her. She lives in Wisconsin (like me) but speaks fluent Ukrainian (?) and would be an excellent person to offer support or encouragement to Tetyana if you ever need someone for her to talk to. I send her a link to your blog, so hopefully you will hear from her.
***you and I met at the “spa” at the retreat…you may not remember, you were VERY relaxed when we met 😉

amanda nash - April 22, 2012 - 10:22 pm

I am praying for this journey!! So many others i know are joining me in prayer and beleiving for this amazing young woman!! blessings to you!

Sara - April 24, 2012 - 8:48 pm

Praying for a miracle. I’m so glad you’re doing this!

April 17, 2012

“Mommy. I love you.”

Yesterday, I had a mommy moment.

I tried to explain it to Rico Suave. I think he got it…but I really think it was a mommy moment…and I’m not sure anyone else would understand unless you are or have been right where we are.

Our youngest has been going through what I call a little power struggle since the day we met for some time now. It starts when he wakes up–and it seems to last until he goes to bed. If it hadn’t been for the insight and teaching I learned through Empowered to Connect, I might have just wanted to put my foot down and show him who rules the roost.

I get emails from parents starting the adoption process who are frustrated as they have started the home study journey and their coordinator has begun sharing with them that they may have to make some changes to their parenting strategies with children who have experience hard changes. Well-meaning parents want to do the SAME thing they have with all of their children without realizing what trauma to even 10 month old does to the brain. Babies, toddlers and older children who have experienced trauma or caregiver change can create a lack of trust and fear of using their voice that presents itself as a power struggle–and personally as a parent–my first reaction is often the wrong one–to stand firm on what I want because I want to show the child I am the parent INSTEAD of stepping back to see what is really happening.

Watch this video by Dr.Purvis on voice…

As an adoptive mommy, I have to step back and really listen to MY CHILD. The world will tell you what you need to do–and unfortunately there are few parenting books that address how to help a child heal rather than how to make him behave, be quiet and sleep through the night. You have to really tune the world out–some times even extended family who don’t get it. I have had the MOST hurtful (truly awful) things said to me by family about our adoption, how I talk about adoption and the choices we make in helping our child heal. The best advice I can give is this: LOVE YOUR CHILD. TUNE THE WORLD OUT–ESPECIALLY CRAZY PEOPLE…FORGIVE THEM AND LOVE THEM (so not be discouraged when you have family say wacky stuff to you–we all have them!)–I have learned that some can’t help that they are crazy or cruel…many of these were the ones who were hurt or experienced their own trauma as children and are still searching for a voice–so they want to make sure you and everyone else hears theirs. Hear their voice and love them…although it can be really hard. AND then…do what you are called to–INSTEAD–LISTEN TO THE LORD. FOLLOW HIM. And LOVE YOUR CHILD OUT OF HIS LOVE tossing all advice and books aside.

LOVE YOUR CHILD OUT OF HIS LOVE.

LOVE YOUR CHILD OUT OF HIS LOVE.

LOVE YOUR CHILD OUT OF HIS LOVE.

Every day is an opportunity for me to give my child voice and to build trust. We still struggle hourly with food issues and trust. EVERY single hour. I often get woken at 3am–now I know it is simple to see if I will come. And I do. Truly, it is so different that what this mommy knew before–and it is good, hard and refining…and eye opening. And more good than the other.

Yesterday, we were having an “almost 3 year old moment” (because 3 has always been harder than 2 in our house)…and it was centered around food having just had snack. I know it shouldn’t have frustrated me–but when it seems it’s every hour of every day…some days it does make me cross eyed. I ran my little bugaboo upstairs to give him some other choices in play rather than food–and to be honest, I wasn’t being authentic or sincere. I felt tired and very fake offering the choices…there wasn’t love in my voice–just fatigue. I laid him down to change his diaper and our eyes met–and he smiled at me…and my heart melted.

I asked him to forgive me for being tired–for being unauthentic–for not always knowing what to do…for not always being the best mommy. Not knowing if he was understanding any thing I was saying–he kept his eyes on mine and smiled. He got up and ran to the door to go play with the other children…and I sat there on his nursery floor with my hands over my eyes asking for strength and wisdom in parenting in a new way that is new territory for this mom. There are still new behaviors I’ve never seen…yet each day…there is more wholeness in my babe’s heart and I see more and more trust and less and less fear.

“Mommy.”

I looked up to see my babe peaking in the door way. “What is it baby?”

“I love you.”

He said it first.

I’ve said it a MILLION times..and he has smiled. But yesterday…he said it first.

In the last year and a half, I’ve seen some really hard and yucky places in my heart and as a mommy I’ve often struggled quietly with the unexpected and new territory. Yesterday was a reminder for me to continue to trust the Lord in this journey…to love as He loves…and to step back and be creative in seeing things in a new light…to not trust in my own strength or what I have experienced or think I now from parenting in the past–but to be open to learning new ways from those who have gone on this journey before me–and most importantly listening to my child and following the Lord’s lead in how to love him best. The rewards and fruit may take years to come–but when they do come…on their own and with authenticity–how great they are.

“Mommy…I love you.” I pray I never forget that tone…the sweetness…the realness–said from a place of trust and love. Help me Lord to do the right thing each day in my parenting and to love each of my children deeply out of YOUR love and not my own. Amen!

May He guide each of you as you love your children deeply today…

Andrea

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Shelly Roberts - April 17, 2012 - 11:19 am

LOVE this. I so get it. May we ALL trust the Father to help us walk this journey. He is such a faithful teacher. I am so thankful.

beth - April 17, 2012 - 11:27 am

This is so true! I can still remember where I was and what I was doing when my oldest attachment resistant child gave me a real hug. Not a “I need to control the situation” hug…but a real genuine “I’m glad you are my mommy” kind of hug. That 3 seconds of real has carried me through 3 years of difficult. I keep it in my back pocket and meditate on it on a heavy day. Glad you are “treasuring these things in your heart.”

Beth Templeton - April 17, 2012 - 11:27 am

Oh my– what a significant breakthrough! That was one GOOD mommy moment for sure Andrea. The fruit of your constant love being poured out, even when you felt like your weren’t being authentic. But you were being consistent in what was True, and that is something pretty valuable! I can’t tell you how many times we have seen breakthrough after we asked for forgiveness of our children– such a powerful thing. Loved this post!

Elizabeth - April 17, 2012 - 11:30 am

When I tell Eliza “I love you”- she often says, “okay”-
I long for these words to spill out of her mouth and I pray that one day they will. Thanks for constantly encouraging all of us!

Deena - April 17, 2012 - 12:57 pm

Thank you so much for sharing this Andrea! I totally understand the “yucky places” of the heart! It can be so hard to connect when we don’t feel the bond is as strong as we imagined it would be. As adoptive moms, we also feel pressure to be thankful and feel totally blessed by the child we brought home, even when their behavior doesn’t feel like a blessing. Thanks for your honesty. I was at the C4C retreat last month, and my friends and I had a fabulous time. The one thing we wish we could have had, was a session to discuss attachment from the parents’ side. I was thrilled to talk with and hear many women express their challenges with bonding and adjustment at the retreat. By far, this was the most valuable part of the retreat for me. It is so nice to hear that I am not alone in this area! Thanks again for all of your hard work to put on such an awesome conference!

Kari - April 17, 2012 - 1:14 pm

I came to your blog today via SixtyFeet’s Cupcake Kids blog, and I am so happy to have found it! Our family is starting the process to adopt an older child from Uganda and I’ve already had a relative react to the news in the most hurtful way imaginable. The level of vitriol was totally unexpected and completely broke my heart. But after a weekend of processing, I, too, realized the same thing you said here–my job is to follow God’s direction for MY household and love the children He’s led me to love. And that’s it. 🙂 Thank you SO much for the Empowered to Connect link–I had no idea that existed. Blessings to you and your family!

Alison - April 17, 2012 - 1:15 pm

WOW!!! What a precious, God-given moment!

Katie F - April 17, 2012 - 3:09 pm

Brought me to tears. Jesus is so real, so alive, and so actively helping His children even in the hardest of times. May the Lord continue to give you wisdom for each moment. He is faithful!!!

jennifer - April 17, 2012 - 8:28 pm

I so hear what you are saying! Thank you for putting words to it — words that I have found difficult to put together and explain.

Katie - April 17, 2012 - 8:29 pm

Thank you so much for sharing this. So thankful for your example of faithfulness!

Ashley - April 18, 2012 - 11:23 am

How do you speak to a friend who hasn’t adopted, about parenting your adopted child differently?
And when you see a young mother of a newly adopted toddler ignoring all the research and parenting purely by a ‘biblical’ parenting book not taking much note of the child’s adoptive history how do you (if at all?) gently explore with her why parenting THIS precious child is different to her biological child?

Kristin - April 18, 2012 - 2:12 pm

As I sit here with tears streaming down my face I want to thank you once again for your words in this post. To just know someone out there is going through the exact same thing as me and my little 21 month old son is huge. I needed to read this and be reminded of all of these truths. My little guy from day one has wanted his way. It’s only getting worse the older he gets. We adopted him at 9 months. The screaming, the hitting, the tantrums are all too much some days…most days. The food issues…I had no idea this was an issue for others with adoptive toddlers. I’m not a part of a huge adoption community like you are. He wants to eat all the time but only things like crackers. He says “more cracker” probaby a thousand times a day at the top of his lungs. How do I find the balance? I can’t give him crackers all day long. I needed to be refueled today. This post gives me the encourgement I need to carry on throughout this day. Thank you. What a great reminder! What a sweet reminder of just how much God loves us. The words “I love you” are huge! Thanks for sharing….I totally get it!

Traci Collier - April 18, 2012 - 3:00 pm

Thank you for sharing that! I really needed to hear it. We recently adopted two girls from Russia and like you I am struggling with a mysterious health issue that wipes me out. My four children really get the short end of the stick some days. Adding the bazar behaviors that the trauma the girls have experienced….well, somedays I just wonder what God was thinking when he picked me. It is never fun to see the deep, dark pockets of our hearts. Mine have been a real surprise to me. I keep reminding myself that I am being refined by the fire. Sometimes the fire really, really hurts! Thanks for being so transparent. It is such an encouragement to others.