The Young Family Farm »

I haven’t been able to blog the last couple of days–because honestly I haven’t known what to say or how much of any of our last 2 days I would want to document. They have been very stressful, and some of the more difficult days of my 8 years of parenting. And parenting a teenager from a different country who has never had boundaries or parents…looks much different than any of the crazy I ever gave my parents back in the day. (Daddy–please don’t remind me that this might be close;).

Saturday started our hard–and Sunday was the hardest. During our day on Saturday, we had the opportunity to spend the day with a lot of Russian speaking friends. Every friend our sweet girl shared one-on-one with who spoke Russian got different information from our chatter box who likes to share A LOT with others who speak Russian. And much of it…wasn’t exactly what we expected or wanted to hear. We learned some pretty hard things. Things that surprised us. Things that would actually make her ineligible to even be here…like she was older than she really was–that she really wasn’t an orphan–that she just came in an extra spot–that she lived in a trade school and this was really vacation for her. There was a lot more–and we had to call and share these with the organization. That was Saturday.

At church on Sunday, our sweet girl had a melt down. She didn’t want to smile at all–and she politely rolled her eyes at all my friends (if you can do that politely that is;). She shared that she didn’t want to be here any more and she really wasn’t having so much fun. She wanted to do more fun things every day. We weren’t what she wanted. She needed Russian friends who understood her. And that last request we were able to pull off–because we needed it too…and we were able to send her off for the day with precious friends who have a daughter that speaks Russian. God provided. It was perfect! Good for her and good for us. AND she returned from the day with a Christy Nockels cd which she LOVES. (Very thankful).

I was sitting in our home–really frustrated. Frustrated that we signed up to host a child from an orphanage and we had a child that had a family who thought she was on vacation. A little one who has been shouting orders at me. Fussing at my children. Making lots of demands. Wearing this momma plum out. Standing at the door when I go potty (I say her name when I’m using the potty to see if she is right there and I get a “DA!” right back every time. 5 inches away from me when I brush my teeth. “AN-DRA-AH! JUICE!” “AN-DRA-AH!!! HMMMMMM!” Hmmm—for her means–come watch my charade right now—I need something. I had a babysitter come today from 9am to 4pm and told her to only focus on my 4 littles so I could give our sweet girl 100% of me to keep the Sunday crazy from happening again today.

With our sitter here, I was able to take her to get a MP3 player–download all the songs she wanted. I found all 30 song lyrics online. Printed them off. 3 hold punched them. Put them in a binder. Drove across town to meet a precious friend who had some clothes just for T. Got her ice cream–before lunch:) Made her lunch. “AN-DRA-AH! JUICE! AN-DRA-AH!!! HMMM!!!!” I asked her if she’d like to learn to make cookies with me and Laney?? “NO!” Okay:). And while we made cookies she chopped up Roman noodles sending them flying all over the kitchen…then tomatoes flying every where…but since she told us she was a chef in culinary school–I let her go at it…but really…as I watched I could tell…she probably wasn’t in culinary school. Watching her told me…this sweet girl was really an orphan. And there were many things she dreamed about…and I had to wonder…what was really true.

Richard came home and the kitchen was a mess. I told him our chef hadn’t had time to clean up, but could he deliver the next juice;)? Needless to say, the last couple of days have been really hard. And then it was confirmed. Our sweet girl really is how old we thought she was. She really is 15. (BUT–what teenager doesn’t want to be 16 or 17? I know I fibbed about that one!) And everything else said–really…were things she wishes WERE true. There were LOTS OF THINGS told that were made up–things that had us shaking our heads and even wondering what we got ourselves into. I love her too much to write them–just trust me…you’d be shaking your head too. And this–this is just what orphans do. They hope. They dream. They want to believe it so, SO, SOOOO badly…that some times they say it…and just for a moment they get to pretend. She wasn’t trying to be naughty. She wasn’t trying to hurt us or hurt the program. She was just trying to be normal. To fit in. To get to pretend for a day her life was something else. I get that.

Unfortunately, her getting in trouble for not being honest with her translator didn’t give us any brownie points as she knew we had asked questions and shared our confusion with people over her. But now…now I knew–that our sweet girl really and truly just needed what she didn’t know she needed…and I wasn’t going to stop giving it to her.

In the middle of all of this–this morning I walked up to her room and put my ear to her door and heard her singing. We got in the car and I asked her if she wanted to bring her cd. I turned up the music on our outing this morning–REALLY loud–rolled down the windows–and we jammed out singing Christy Nockels together. As I listened to her sing–knowing she doesn’t understand a WORD of English–I prayed. Lord–as she memorizes these lyrics–I pray that THIS summer she will also begin to understand what these words MEAN in her heart. I had my sunglasses on…so she couldn’t see me wiping away my tears as I hoped and prayed this. The Lord encouraged my heart–and then I came home for the “AN-DRA-AH!!!!” And something inside of me started to change.

I realize today how much I stink. I see HARD situations and I want someone ELSE to do them. I hear about really hard things…and I say that is NOT for me–I have my 4 babies to love on…maybe ONE day I will do that–but it wouldn’t be fair to them…not now…someone else can do that now. This time though–I can’t and I won’t run from the hard…because I said yes to whatever the summer brings–and I am going to love through it. As hard as the last couple of days have been–over and over I have felt the presence of the Holy Spirit–it has not been me–but Him giving me guidance and strength. Trust me, I have failed. But the Lord has nudged me to not give up. And I’m falling in love with this sweet girl.

She cooks and leaves noodles all over the carpet…dirty dishes at the table…and never puts things in the dishwasher. She braids Laney’s hair and gets it so knotted up that I’m afraid I’ll have to shave it off. She shouts at the kids and tells them “NO!” She shouts my name making demands 24-7. I can’t go to the toilet in privacy…which isn’t that new–but quite new to have a 15 year old outside my door. And really–the Lord is asking me to see what HE sees. To see beyond that. To see a girl who is getting to play in the kitchen for the first time with a momma. Who is getting to play with a little sister’s hair…with unlimited hair bands and bows. Who wants to win a momma’s approval by keeping the other kids in line. Who is still much like a little girl…wanting to stand outside a momma’s door waiting to be with her again…who just wants to be near.

These last few days have NOT been easy. But I can tell you that Jesus loves the orphan because this is NOT me loving right now. This is not easy and it is not natural–but it is pretty amazing. And I sense the Lord all over it.

She was ignoring me this evening…and I knew she needed more of me. I let her have some space. Then she came to ask if she could paint Laney’s nails. HUGE STEP. We’ve had some boundaries crossed–and she and Laney have to ask me before they do things. She sought me out and asked if she could paint Loo’s nails. Absolutely. Thank you so much for asking! I went out to join them and watch. And then…sweet girl let the chatter box begin. She got out google translate and had some personal questions for me. And finally–a wall came down.

And in google translate–she asked me how I got my children. How I carried Isaac.

Ahhhh…totally understand. She wondered if I was faithful to Richard. I asked her if she meant did I carry Isaac in my belly? She thought I had been unfaithful with a black man. And she finally got brave enough to ask!

THIS is one hard thing about New Horizons rule to NEVER say the adoption word. They do not want the kids to get their hopes up and think families are going to adopt them or find families to adopt them as this is just a hosting program. Many orphanage must shut down in the summer and the kids don’t have any where to go so programs like New Horizons find host families for them during these times which not only keep them safe but also allow the kids to experience family and the love of Christ. Soooo…NO using the word adoption. I knew this one was going to be tricky. And some how I knew I needed to remind her in this answer–how much I loved her.

My google translate went like this:

Parker was born 1 year after Richard and I got married. He was my first miracle. Laney was born just 1 year after Parker and she was another miracle. We tried for Frank for a long time because I wanted more children very badly. In that time the Lord showed us there were other ways to have a family and we started praying about bringing home a child that needed a family. While we were praying I found out I would have another baby in my belly–that was Frank. Another miracle! After Frank was born–we knew God had another child for us. This child would not come from my belly. We found out about a little boy in Africa that was very sick that needed a family and that was Isaac. I went across the world and brought him home when he was 1 year old. We went to the hospital a lot until he was better. He is my 4th miracle. All my children I love unconditionally. There is nothing they can do to make me stop loving them. They are all miracles. I want to tell you now about another miracle. Her name is Tetyana and God brought her to spend the summer with us. There is nothing she can do to make me stop loving her. Just like my other 4 miracles–they can be naughty–and I still love them. Tetyana can pout. Tetyana can have a tantrum and pitch a fit. Tetyana can be mean and naughty. But I still love her. There is nothing she can ever do that will make me stop loving her. She is a miracle–and I love her.

She jumped up and arms went around my neck. “THANK YOU! THANK YOU!”

I told her how Frank was being naughty and I needed to go put my naughty boy night night. She laughed and told me to go–she was okay to wait and stay right there without me. I left and put the children down. I came back and we filled up a bowl full of cherries and sat on the back porch eating them together…not saying a word. No words were needed. A break through had happened. She knew she was loved unconditionally by us. And tomorrow…when the fit or pout happens…I will love her any way.

I had no idea what parenting a 15 year old was like. Adding the language barrier and 15 years of being your own parent to that…and you have a couple of really hard days while we try to understand one another. We’ve had one break through–and that doesn’t mean tomorrow or the next day will be easy at all. But for once in my life I’m so thankful I didn’t see THIS hard situation and wish someone ELSE was doing it. It is hard for me. Hard for Richard. Hard for the kids. And you know what–it’s hard for our T. And some how–we are going to get through all of it. Singing Christy Nockels…just like today. Me and my girl…the windows down…music up loud…(imagine us singing this today if you can…knowing she don’t understand yet…but Lord willing…maybe she will…)

Already All I Need

Asking where You are, Lord. Wondering where You’ve been. Is like standing in a hurricane, trying to find the wind. And hoping for Your mercy to meet me where I am. Is forgetting that Your thoughts for me, outnumber the sand. You filled the sun with morning light. You bid the moon to lead the night. You clothe the lilies bright and beautiful. You’re already all I need. Already everything that I could hope for. You’re already all I need. You’ve already set me free. Already making me. More like You. You’re already all I need. Jesus, You’re already all I need. Walking through this life without Your freedom in my heart. Is like holding onto shackles that You have torn apart. So remind me of Your promises. And all that You have done. In this world I will have trouble. But You have overcome. And every gift that I receive. You determine just for me. But nothing I desire compares with You. In Your fullness. You’re my all in all. In Your healing. I’m forever made whole. In Your freedom. Your love overflows. And carries me. You carry me.

There are just 2 things I will say…

1. Age appropriate.

When you bring a 15 year old who has lived without parents, boundaries and love for 15 years–you should expect the behavior of a little/big one who has lived without this for 15 years.

2. Momma said there’d be days like this…so–stuff your face with chocolate.

I am up after midnight…stuffing my face–with a really big piece of chocolate cake. It’s been earned today. And I don’t care if I sick in a minute…it is melt in your mouth DELISH–and in between typing…I’m stuffing my face–oh my…it is SO good. (Alpine Bakery’s flour less chocolate cake–oh my heavens…you are so wrong–but you are so, so right.)

I will just say–I have felt the Lord’s goodness and presence today…and for that I am so thankful. I truly sense the Holy Spirit’s presence today in a real way–and I am so humbled that He would remind me in worship that He is with me. The Lord provided a respite family that was needed in a last minute miraculous way today–and I am so thankful. The timing was absolutely perfect. We had Bible study planned for our house so we got to spend time with our core Bible study group—much needed rest and it was good. AND sweet T got to go be with two girls her age for the afternoon with another family connected to New Horizons. It was just what she needed too–and I’m just amazed at how the Lord provided today!

I’m learning so much right now…so much. Things are not always going to be the way we want them to. Things aren’t always going to be easy. His plans might look quite different than what we imagined, hoped or expected. This life is not about me or my plans–or what I imagine, hope or expect. Love no matter what. If a child hasn’t been given an abundance of love, they may not know they even need it or want it–give it to them anyway…over and over and over.

I wish I could share more about our day–but tomorrow is a new one…and I’m going to look ahead instead. And I need to finish this piece of cake. I’m so not kidding. And then–I need to crash…because tomorrow is a new day–and it’s going to be a good one!

Sooo…today we started our day by heading over to my dear friend Susan Hillis’s home. (That is AFTER we had our now usual–scrambled eggs and toast!) Susan is my dear friend who speaks fluent Russian–so I knew we’d get knee deep today spending the day really getting to know one another. AND we were planning to literally get wet by taking the kids to the creek behind their house and swimming country-style. It was SUCH fun skipping rocks with the kids, getting mud between our toes and sharing our hearts.

The really cool thing is several of Susan’s kids joined us AND Beth Templeton’s daughter–cool because they were all adopted from Russia and speak fluent Russian. SO–spending the day all together and having them all share their hearts…we had the opportunity that many host families don’t always have and we learned a lifetime about our sweet girl as they all shared their hearts. It was good. It was hard. And much of it–this momma’s heart just has to process. It was heavy. Much of it confusing even for me. Yet in a lot of it came some clarity on what our role may be in our sweet girl’s life. It might look different than we thought. But regardless we are here. And we are so honored and thankful that the Lord chose us to love her this summer.

We had SO MUCH fun being with Susan. We shared all the fun we had already learned–and Susan ran right upstairs to get her piano for us so T could play!

I was QUITE certain that Beethoven was about to break loose. She started banging away on the piano–and I *do* mean banging. She LOVED it…but I think we need to have lessons before we do that again. I do not think the calluses are from piano playing:) Not sure if we will ever figure that one out–but it’s not from piano practice. Susan so kindly offered for us to take her keyboard home. I thought it was best though for her to keep it for now:)

THEN we had lunch together. Oh my heart seeing these in pecking order at lunch…

And if you are a Created for Care retreat momma–you know Susan makes the most of every opportunity to teach the children the meaning behind her children’s paintings…

Such a sweet and amazing momma! If you haven’t met Susan she has 10 amazing children…really 11–as 1 precious son is with Jesus. Six of her crew are adopted from Russia, and it was such a gift being with them today!!!

Many wouldn’t learn what we learned today for YEARS with the language barrier–so we definitely went more than toe deep and dove right in as T had so much she WANTED to share. Sweet girl talks 90 to nothing–and she had A LOT to say! I mean, can you imagine living with a family who you can’t communicate with and having this opportunity to share?? She definitely took advantage of it. I feel much of her story needs to stay tucked in my heart–so much none of us or our children will never be able to even grasp. We also learned that she is pretty certain she is already 16 and will be 17 this summer. Many times kiddos in orphanages don’t even know how old they are–so we are going to try and find this out for sure because we have a birthday to celebrate next month. Can’t wait to give her a party that makes her feel special and loved!!!

We got home from Susan’s at about 3pm. Momma was WIPED. I typed in google translate that everyone needed a rest:). And momma CRASHED! I think Isaac and I were the only ones that really napped, but sweet girl was brave enough to go in her room and rest (she is usually 5 inches from my hip–so this was good!)

THEN after nap time, Susan called to check in on us and we had a great conversation…all 3 of us and even got to pray together. It was so sweet and special!!!

I made a Russian potato dumpling dish for dinner + biscuits + green beans + chicken fingers for anyone not brave enough to try it. NO one wanted the Russian dish–our Ukraine princess included. I tried:-)! THEN…we loaded up to go the New Horizons welcome party at Roswell spray ground! All of the families hosting through New Horizons in our area were there–and it was really good for the children to get to just PLAY and at the same time for T to see some of her friends from the orphanage! Laney and Parker had a blast running through the water arch…

Is Frankie baby NOT the most precious thing?! Oh…I could just gobble him right UP!

Here’s Rico Suave, Me and princess T!

She was introducing us to her friends as “her family” and she was on CLOUD 9 getting to see all those she traveled with!

She LOOOOVES the kids and has a hug-a-meter that wants constant touch with them! They love T too–and although I was worried at first fearing she might not like being in a home with young children for the summer–you can see God’s perfect hand in it and His love for her as it’s what makes her tick and how she thrives!

We got home WAY past normal bed time. It took me 45 minutes to get Laney’s hair out of the 16 hair rubber bands T had put her hair in playing with it. Oh my. That wasn’t pretty. Then I saw T unstock her purse. She went to the frig and started unloading Caprisun’s from her purse into the fridge. Apparently she loves Caprisun’s and they were at the party tonight. She stocked up as we were leaving I guess;). (My apologies to whoever’s cooler that was!) Looks like Caprisun’s will now be on our grocery list.

I have MORE thoughts and emotions and feelings than I have in months on this whole journey today–but I’m truly still processing today. One thing I know about myself is I like for everything to make sense. I like to understand WHY things are the way they are–and then to fly in like supermom and do my best to kiss it, make it better and tie a bow around it and make it pretty. My role this summer isn’t to do that…and that makes me really, really, REALLY far out of my comfort zone. I’m supposed to be available to love outside of my comfort zone–and not to fix anything but rather love through it. I’m supposed to die to myself…a lot–and pour love out into all 5 of these precious children under my roof. Some days there will be adventures–and some days…we will just sit right here…playing games, picking berries, telling stories of God’s faithfulness in the past and reminding them how much they are loved today by us and by Him. And that will be enough.

I’m learning how important it is for our children to KNOW–to really know how much they are loved. Each of them–need to know this and they have this longing to be told…and I’m seeing this even in my little ones in this time.

It was another wonderful (good, but hard) day. I just went upstairs to make sure all were asleep, and T had gone to bed with the light on. I went in and woke her to make sure it was okay to turn off the light–and as big as you might think a 16 or 17 year old should be…it can be scary for some in her shoes…and she smiled and said yes–the light can go off. I ran my fingers through her hair and kissed her forehead goodnight. Thankful for another beautiful day.

We started our day today by cracking LOTS of eggs. I felt pretty certain eggs are in international breakfast hit–and sure enough…pulled those bad boys out and saw a huge smile and a head shaking up and down. Score! Eggs and chocolate covered strawberries (Thank you Boyce family for surprising us with this package of chocolate covered strawberries! She loved them…and Frankie baby gave us goo-goo eyes which sent those yummy strawberries on the house for all the kiddos. Happy campers indeed!)

8:30am. Now what? Sweet girl motioned she wanted to go swimming. Um. Momma is all about swimming. But NOT before coffee. I called a momma who has hosted a couple of times to ask for translation help–and she reminded me about google translate. She also reminded me that I needed to stick with BLAND foods because this is what is typical in Ukraine. I got off the phone-and we grabbed my computer and we had the FUNNIEST hour playing on google translate. I told her all about us. All about Richard–confirmed that he is not scary (most of these kiddos aren’t too sure about men) and then–in my true crazy fashion I had to make sure laugh saying funny redonkulous things. The girl has a sense of humor. I asked her about the calluses all over her hands–and we finally figured out they are from playing the piano. Hmmmm…now this momma is going to have to find a friend with a piano…wonder what her little fingers can do!

We made it until 10am hanging out and then we hit the pool. SWEET THING dropped her jaw and stood in disbelief when she walked through the gate of our neighborhood pool. Many of these kids go to camps in the summer but they swim in muddy creeks–and they haven’t seen such clean water. She just stood there saying in an accent over and over, “Wow. Wow. Wooow. Wooooooow. Wow.” Thankfully, no one else was there–so we had it all to ourselves as she adjusts to all this newness. Then–SHE JUMPED RIGHT IN! I wasn’t sure if I was about to pull off some Baywatch–I was ready…but by golly–she can swim! Our summer JUST got easier! This momma was confident taking 4 kids to the pool–but 5 was a whole new level…especially if were to have another non-swimmer. We stayed there until 12:30pm, and Laney and Tetyana especially had such fun playing together. They can’t understand a word of each other–but it’s amazing to watch the love of children cross language barriers.

Frank and Isaac STILL don’t understand that she can’t understand a word they say. Isaac will ask her the same question a MILLION times and then follow it up with, “HEY! Hey! You hear me???” And she just laughs–and then we all laugh…and then he starts again. Frank follows T around the house asking questions–and correcting her. “Why do you say TINKYOU–you mean THANK you. You so silly Tetyana” and “Hey Tetyana–don’t you wanna play nerf gun with me. Hey–why aren’t you answering me?? Hey…wanna play?” And this goes on over and over. THEN–I run to google translate and ALL day today I’ve translated for the kids between the kids.

We hit up Barker’s Red Hots for lunch. I know this was totally questionable–but the lady at the store yesterday told me hotdogs and sausage were usually a hit for all–so I took my chances. AND…she LOVED it. Yay! We had the staff there staring at us though as I did charades…and an older couple gawked at us a bit. Momma bear ALMOST came out. If you ever see a mom doing charades and an older child shaking her head–all the while 4 kids are running around them both in circles…instead of giving her the stink eye because she is ruining your hotdog eating moment–give her a hug…she is probably doing the best she can and worn slap out. AND you just might be blessed by it too! When we were done eating—we all had too many french fries to throw away. Momma doesn’t like to waste food–and I was pretty sure it would be hard for her to see me through all that away too…SOOO…we packed it up and made a little fun out of it. I did a charade for “goat” (envision this please–it was awesome sauce)–and we drove around the corner to a goat farm and fed the goats the rest of our fries. SHE LOVED IT…

We hopped out of the van and the HUGE crowd of goats flocked immediately for us. She took off running down the side of the fence–I thought she was scared at first. BUT…I couldn’t help but hold my breath when I saw what she was doing. She had her hands full of fries and she was running to a little goat that was all by herself that had gotten left out of the crowd and wasn’t getting any fries from the children. I stood there smiling…and proud of her—compassion for the least of these. Such a beautiful picture…and for a moment–I melted.

We hoped in the car to come home, and we got out the cross-stitching. I was CERTAIN she was a pro at this since her “bio” online with New Horizons said that she wins awards for her embroidery. Um. She hadn’t touched cross-stitching before–so the next few hours were spent teaching her to cross stitch–and with the help of Google translate (yet again!) I had the joy of explaining what the design with the phrase “With God All Things Are Possible” meant. Not sure if it made sense–but it was still sweet trying to explain it.

Rich came home early from work–and we played kickball in the backyard (it’s HOT in Georgia people…this mom REALLY needed a nap–but there’s no nappin’ going on right now for me I’m afraid). Rico bravely cooked tacos–and I was quite certain she wouldn’t eat Mexican–but with google translate I explained what it was and she was game to try it! AND…she loved it! Double YAY! We decided to pack it up and head to PUTT PUTT for a family fun night!

I ran upstairs to freshen up–and sweet Frank came up and asked if Tetyana could stay longer. I explained that she WAS staying ALL summer. Frank asked, “But momma–I want her to stay longer. Can she ask her daddy?” I got on my knees and told him that not everybody has a daddy. And he looked at me and said, “She can borrow mine!” SWEET BOY. I tell you–this stuff isn’t easy…it isn’t easy for our kids…or me…it’s change–and while it is amazing–it is hard–but in the hard–my kids are changed. I am thankful.

Sweet T ran up the stairs about that time and did a jogging motion and did her hands like a question. I THOUGHT she was asking “Are we going now??” So I shook my head YES! Then…she TOOK OFF and ran RIGHT out the door. Oh my glory. I shouted at Richard to chase her and bring her back but she had hopped on my BIKE and had taken off down the street. Richard went after her like he was trying to score a winning touchdown–and THANKFULLY he got her attention BEFORE she left the neighborhood! Oh my. Fully noted that I will not say YES in the future if I’m not 100% sure on the charade. Whew! Close one.

We loaded on up for putt-putt…in 105 degree Georgia weather at this point…not sure what we were thinking to play putt putt on such a HOT night…BUT she had such fun!

And Isaac, as always, entertained us with his own rules of the game…

We got home later–and all my littles are tucked in bed and now sleeping. Tonight was a bit harder…for me. Everyone needs more–a LOT more of mommy–right now. There is really no time for myself…and I’m learning in this time to just die to myself. There were tears shed by some of my loves as I tucked them in as everyone needed to express how they missed the normal attention I am always able to give. I laid down with each of my loves and sang over them…the only song that came to my mind tonight was “Give Me Jesus”…you can have all of this world–but give me Jesus.

There is just NO WAY that there is enough of me–but I am thankful that there is enough of HIM. Our sweet girl will turn 16 at the end of July and she ages out of the system—and we are praying for God’s will over her. Explaining this part to little ones is hard–that we want to pour ourselves out in love and it won’t always be easy. Part of my heart wants to be family for her–but part of my heart knows we must always wait on Him and trust that He has a perfect plan that we can’t see yet. His plans are perfect–and some times our hearts want to know the end before He is ready for us to. If we aren’t THAT family–I’m praying He provides one OR He shows us exactly what His plan is. The program New Horizons is set up to allow these sweet ones to experience a loving family for the summer and know His love—and I have no doubt that this will be accomplished this summer. My heart though…it always wants every child to have MORE. I think I’m going to just keep singing “Give Me Jesus” and pouring His love into these precious children all summer…all 5 of them—and in that I can trust Him to guide. I told Rich how thankful I was to get a clear bill of health last week from Lyme disease–but I think I’m more tired now than I’ve been in awhile. Trusting in His strength and for His will be done.

I was reminded tonight as I read an excerpt from Katie Davis’s book–a precious girl in her 20’s who has given her life toward loving orphans in Uganda: “Sometimes working in a Third World Country makes me feel like I am emptying the ocean with an eyedropper. And just when I have about half a cup full of water it rains:: more orphaned children from the north migrate to where I live, more abandoned and dead babies are found, more people are infected with HIV. It is enough to discourage even the most passionate and enthusiastic person……love is the reason I just keep filling up my little eyedropper, keep filling it up and emptying my ocean one drop at a time. I’m not here to eliminate poverty, to eradicate disease, to put a stop to people abandoning babies. I’m just here to love.” I don’t know what the Lord’s will is…but I do know that I, too, am just here to love. So–that is what I will do. Find my rest in Him–and love.

And in between–I’ll be thankful we have plenty of eggs, hot dogs around the corner and google translate at my fingertips.

my heart is full–and it has been…an exhausting, beautiful, hilarious, wonderful and overwhelmingly good day. You know what it feels like after you have a baby? I’ve heard people say: “If you could bottle up that emotion and sell it, you’d be a millionaire.” Oh my. Put another bottle on the market for sale…because today–today was another one of those days–a day full of moments and memories I hope we never forget.

So–I’m going to do my best to document them. For me. For my kids. For her. And if you make it to the end of this…I hope you stand at the end just a smidgen as blessed as my heart feels right now. Overflowing. My cup runneth over.

We lounged around all morning as we thought our day would be wearing, and I’m so glad we did. We scooted to Target at noon to grab a poster to make a welcome sign and headed back to decorate it and have lunch. My sweet friend Kimberly Chalk came over to keep Isaac while he napped as T’s arrival flight was smack dab in the middle of nap time. We took off to the airport–and in true Young fashion…we were running late AND got stuck in Hot-lanta traffic. We scooted in to the airport on 2 wheels–and just in time, we met Tetyana for the first time…

So there we stood after giving big hugs–realizing that sweet girl really spoke ZERO English…and of course we speak ZERO Russian. We stood there just smiling at each other. I decided to awkwardly just reintroduce ourselves over and over:). I figure repetition would help her get our names faster–and then she’d know at least a few English words–our names–at least she’d know whose name to shout out when she needed something:). I didn’t know how to introduce me or Richard–so I just said our names once and then just kept repeating the kids names over and over. And then—we were off. She was watching us all VERY closely. I saw her look at Richard to see his holding Parker and Frank’s hands. I had Laney’s hand–and she scooted REALLY close to me as we walked–so I grabbed her hand…and she kept looking at me and smiling as we walked. We got to our van–in 102 degree Atlanta weather–and she jumped in the front seat (thankful for this because most of these kiddos have never ridden in cars and I did NOT want her to get sick on the 45 minute ride home).

I could tell she hadn’t had the luxury of showering in a long time–so Richard and I decided we’d scoot home and then they could run get a few things at the market. I crazily attempted to log into google translator on my phone and proceeded to ask her “yes” or “no” questions: Are you hot? Are you hungry? Are you thirsty? Are you tired? Are you happy? The happy question made her laugh and smile REALLY BIG. Oh sweet girl. She was thirsty–and I knew even getting something to drink in a new country is questionable–so I told Richard where a Russian market was and we decided to swing by real quick.

Just T and I went into the market-and thankfully the lady who speaks fluent Russian was there. I told her to tell Tetyana to get whatever drinks she might like to keep at our house and whatever snacks she wanted. Sweet girl couldn’t do it. Too much for her. She grabbed a TINY little snack bag of crackers and clutched it in her arms. Deep breath. I had the lady explain that *I WANTED* to do this for her–and I would be so happy if she wanted to get some snacks. She grabbed JUST ONE MORE TINY bag. I took her by the hand and started picking up things asking “yes? no?” And the fun began. We left with pear juice, 8 bags of the tiny snacks she started with, 2 big bags of pasta and a big bag of crackers. That’s all she can handle today. And that’s…exactly what she ate for dinner:)

She is so much TINIER than I imagined. I knew she would be arriving with only the clothes on her back–and those would need to be washed when we got home. So–when we got home–we went to her new closet that had several things I had bought ahead for her–ALL WAY TOO BIG for her tiny frame. We ran to my closet to see if I had anything that wouldn’t fall off her. ONE shirt. One that would be glued on me was PERFECT. I gave her some shorts that barely stayed on her tiny figure–and we headed to her bathroom. SO FUNNY. I sat on the edge of her tub and taught her what hot and cold was on the knob, how the shower worked, how to use shampoo and conditioner (she didn’t know what #2 was–#1 is shampoo and #2 is conditioner…I labeled them 1 and 2 so she’d know which to do first and second). I taught her how to lock her door–where the towels were…and I left her to shower and put on the clothes we had found to work.

I think she loved the shower as it was about 20 minutes long–and then I heard her shouting so I RACED up the stairs to find her jumping up and down in her new outfit with delight…IT WORKED and she was happy! I got her towels and outfit and took everything to the wash and she stayed 5 inches close by just as she has been since we met…I’m the safe net for now. I showed her the washing machine and dryer and how they were safe to put the clothes in and we’d get them back in the end…and we washed everything she brought. I was so proud of her as we learned in our training that this can be a hard first step–so we are building trust already! SO THANKFUL.

THEN we did what we now do best–charades! I tried my best to ask her if she wanted to sleep, eat or drive (car motion) to exchange the BIG clothes for TINY clothes. I think she understood me as I jumped around her room with the clothes doing charades:) She wanted to find clothes to fit her–so off we went. AND THIS WAS AWESOME! Seriously–it could have gone many ways but it was a really, really–my side hurts from laughing so hard today–fun adventure! And Laney and Frank tagged along for the fun.

She kept looking at how I wear my sunglasses on my head–and she was smiling. I could tell she wanted to do what I was doing–so we went to the sunglasses first. She tried on every last pair on those spinning shelves giggling with delight as she played in the mirror. I wanted to direct her as I do my littles to the cheapest–and at first I did…but as I heard her giggling more and more…I let that go–and I decided it was okay to leave the $9.99 spinner and play at the $12.99 and $16.99 spinner. Rico Suave and I are cheap people–so this was good for me. I stood there watching her…and decided I didn’t care. This girl could have whatever pair she wanted. I love the ones she got by the way:)

Then we headed to the shoes. The ones she came in will not work–so she was flip flopping around the store all day in my flip flops–so we definitely had to get a pair of shoes to get us by. She likes SPARKLEY!!! She got the EXACT pair I had but in gold instead of silver. Gold sparkly flip flops. Still giggling and I even caught her jump with delight over these $9 flip flops. Laney stood there laughing too–and even Frank was delighted!

Being 102 degrees–I knew we’d probably take her swimming this weekend. Should I even GO THERE?? I mean–shopping for a swimsuit for teenager is ONE thing…but shopping with a teenager who doesn’t speak a word of English?? Please Lord–don’t ask me to do THIS right now. THIS can wait until next week right??? SO–we skipped the swimsuits…for NOW.

We went and got a few personal things–which was hilarious with charades. My apologies to anyone at Target who saw me acting out in the ladies undergarment section. I think T and I really bonded there as Laney and Frank stood uncertain of why I was laughing SO HARD. Oh my…just trust me–this was hilarious.

I thought we’d just pick up 1 or 2 shirts and a pair of shorts. I didn’t want to overwhelm her. Just something to get us through the weekend. BUT sweet girl got really excited and the girl LOVES hot pink. So–she squealed seeing hot pink things–and being the mom I am…I grabbed every last one and we marched to the dressing room. I had to explain we could only take 6 things back at a time which was frustrating for her as she thought I wasn’t going to let her try on the other things–but we eventually got there. Our little fashion show began with Frank and Laney eating a bag of potato chips…and we had several others watching us–and as a few moms inquired about what our deal was with charades and the language barrier…I think a few hearts were touched.

I wish I could package her little squeals today when she put on a shirt she liked or a dress that she thought was perfect. And then–I knew we really should get a swimsuit…WHILE we were at it. Oh my. This was hilarious. EVERY single one I pulled out–she did NOT like saying they were TOO big (because they were so covering). BUT after quite a few–we managed and agreed on the perfect one. Frank and Laney each earned Bubblicious for their patience–and off we went! And oh my…her gratitude just precious. She was so thankful and couldn’t believe she got several shirts, shorts, a swimsuit, a coverup, sunglasses and flip flops. She just couldn’t believe it. Sweet girl. Laney didn’t quite realize why she was so thankful…but watching Laney’s face and eyes…I think she understood just a little.

We walked to the van–all 4 of us…hand in hand. She adores the children…giving them hugs and kisses all the way. We got home and Rich had cooked her pasta for her and chicken for the rest of us. She wants just pasta right now–and when I’m in a different country I do the same thing! We played outside–and enjoyed the night together with the babies entertaining us. And finally it was bed time. She wanted to play with some of the things my friends had given her–bead making for tonight…and I stood in the doorframe watching her and Laney sit side by side on her bed making beads together…

Laney was DYING to sleep in her room tonight–but I explained she needs some room to really rest after such a long journey…and there’d be plenty of time for slumbering. She shooed me away for the first time and did charades to tell me she knew I needed to go bath and rock the babies. Selfless sweetheart…so off I went–the girls continued beading while I rocked Isaac and then tucked Frank in bed. I sang all their goodnight songs–and I went to her room to tell her goodnight…

And she hugged me. The tightest hug this mom has ever received from a little one. I thought she was crying at first–and I looked back to see her laughing. JOY. Sweet joy. And I wondered how many times in her 15 years has she wondered what this might be like…to be in a home…to be tucked in…to have a momma hug you goodnight. And I took a deep breath–told myself not to cry…and hugged her back for as long as she wanted.

Today has been a full day…full of emotions–and I sit here now typing…wiped out–but only typing because these are things I never want to forget. To think I was ever fearful of bringing home an older child–and a teenager…well, that just sounded scary. The only thing scary about this–is the thought of her not being here after 5 weeks and what a future across the world might look like for a dainty, sweet, dear and precious little thing just like her. My heart strings are being pulled in a way I never imagined…and just as I predicted–my life will never be the same.

Time to rest…tomorrow is another day.