Sooo…Monday is normally our grocery day–but since we spent all day yesterday at the dentist for Tettily-too…we ate banana sandwiches last night for dinner (of course Rico and Laney-loo had date night and dinner out though)…and we made TODAY (Tuesday) grocery day this week.
And if you ever wonder what we look like grocery shopping…truly…at Trader Joe’s you can’t miss us;) We made quite the scene. (Thank you stock boy for grabbing my phone when you saw me attempting a pic so I could jump in the fun!)
THEN…we had to leave TJ’s and head to Kroger to get the rest of the ingredients for Ukrainian Borscht that T wanted to make. (Now, THIS was the coolest unasked answered prayer ever. Just YESTERDAY as Laney and Isaac sat for HOURS waiting in the dentist office for Tettily-too…they were looking at magazines. They saw a Disney World advertisement and they BOTH said they really wanted to go to Disney one day because we’ve never been and they wanted to really see characters. I thought it was pretty sweet to see the kids giving up things to do other things–yet they were blessed anyway as we went to the store today!) Look who was waiting for our family at the entrance of Kroger…I mean–when does that happen???
So…that was our morning. We now have groceries. We can eat again;)
And our afternoon was spent on google translate. It was a really great day for T because she got 100% of momma. But I sure missed my babies. I kept running down to the basement playroom to make sure they were okay. I had to stay upstairs with T because she wanted to cook borscht and I don’t want to leave her upstairs with a stove she doesn’t know how to work…and we have to constantly use google translate as she wants to communicate. She gets VERY frustrated if I try to get her to communicate without it…and momma chooses her battles and just uses the computer to keep joyful hearts.
I did share some of my heart with our T tonight…how some times this is hard for me. And as she watched me run up and down the stairs to meet everyone’s needs and still be there for her–I saw compassion…something I didn’t see at first. She started wiping our cooking mess off the counters and being a helper. SO proud of her and the changes that are happening!!!
We cooked borscht using this recipe. The Denton’s came over for dinner and it was a really fun night! The adults all sit in the dining room on our dinner nights while the kids sit at the kitchen table. I told T she could go to which ever she wanted–and she did what she always does and chose the adult table. She very much sees herself as an adult—this girl is thick as nails too. Cooking with her requires deep breathing. Do it her way–or get out of the kitchen. I love messing with her when she is like this. I’ll type in on google “T is a stubborn cook.” And she laughs her head off–cause she knows it’s true.
We practiced learning a few sentences today and she practiced them to Papa, my daddy, on the phone. It was hilarious because the girl only knows/says, “I love you, Good night, Hello, I’m sorry, Okay, Toilet…” you know–a few basics. We decided to make up a dialogue for her to say to Papa. And we practiced for EVER…and then we put it to the test. Here is T practicing…
We really do have a lot of fun together!
After the Denton’s left for dinner, we went and delivered lots of extra borscht to the Schmidt family–another hosting family in our city. THEN we returned books to the library book depository:) The little things are exciting over here.
We have a family of 6 coming to town from out of state to stay with us for the rest of the week until the weekend. We had it on our calendar before we ever thought about hosting…so things might get a little more crazy around here! We have a big weekend trying to squeeze in the Young family lake reunion–a trip to Stone Mountain park AND having friends over who speak Russian after church on Sunday…and THEN…Monday is her birthday. Sniff, sniff. She’s really turning 16. And my heart is really sad that she is such a big girl. We made promises last night of things she would never get into back in the Ukraine…I’m afraid that a trip is on my calendar for the future…like really, really soon. Gotta make sure this girl is in a safe place and taken care of. Oh my…our lives are really crazy.
Now…time for momma to go to sleep. I have a checkup at the doc FOR ME at 9:15 am. Then schedule more dental for T. Then plan a party for Monday…so much to do. On a side note–if you are gluten free–you totally need to try Koala Krisp. It is so stinkin’ delish at midnight.
I absolutely love this post! We are praying for you, your family, and T. The video is priceless! I love that she runs to you giggling! You can certainly see the changes in your posts and pictures. I am so glad you decided to document all of this.
Today might have been one of the longest days of my life. Not kidding. Wait–have I already said that a few times this summer? Okay, well–today was a close tie to all those others:)
Started our day with babysitter Karissa arriving at 9am. Today was dentist day for Princess T–and we were heading down town about 45 minutes away to see Rico Suave’s dear friend who said he’d give us a discount. I had a good feeling we’d need one after the initial exam. Our days are quite expensive over here because I knew we’d be there all day too–so on top of dentist work…we’d need a sitter to help with some of the littles. I rarely leave more than 2 with a sitter, especially on Mondays when Frank has his swim lessons (Did you know he’s Olympic bound?? If not…that’s just extra. He got moved up again–go Frankie baby–and little 3 year old will be learning the butterfly and breast stroke now. Watch out Michael Phelps.) Soooo…Carissa took Frankie to swim while P-man cheered little brother on. I took ITY and Laney with me to give them mommy time in the waiting room while Princess T got her dental exam.
We helped get Frankie baby off for swim…gave kisses…goodbyes–and “You know how much I wish mommy could be there to watch you today–but T needs mommy today too!”…and off we went…
Princess T complained the whole way down to the dentist–can’t blame her…but my momma heart has to confess I struggled because dying to self isn’t easy…especially when a sitter is getting to be where your heart longs to be too. The show must go on…
We arrived at 11am appointment. We got called back at 11:30. Princess T was brave enough to go back by herself–praise JESUS! I really was hoping for time to love on ITY and Loo…so it worked well. Isaac had us, the staff and waiting patients holding our side as he asked the gorgeous African American receptionist over and over and over for her email. I’m in big trouble on day ladies. The boy is a charmer!
The doc called me back about 45 minutes later…AKA: this is just a checkup to tell us what we need to do–and we are starving now and need to eat. He proceeded to fill me in (no pun intended) that girly girl needs 5 fillings. YIKES. We had to talk about her willingness, costs, etc–and then we decided to go for it within a few days after seeing how much he could go ahead and get done right then. (So much for lunch.) We exited the office 4 hours later…yes 4 hours later…and unfortunately he wasn’t even able to finish half of them as one of the cavities was quite large. Working with someone who is unable to communicate with you and who won’t let you know if they are in pain or can fill anything or not also poses some risks–so he was super careful and really wanted to take his time. Sooooo…instead of an hour of waiting room bonding–we had 4 hours…and with a 2 year old who really needed his nap…it wasn’t the afternoon bonding experience that I had dreamed of. I was jumping around entertaining trying to keep the littlest from screaming (he is a stinker when he is tired).
Finally Princess T came out–and she was very upset about having to get fillings. We got in the car…momma felt like she could pass out–and for the next 30 minutes Princess T did charades with drills and teeth cleaning and in her own way told me how awful it was and complained all the way home. I pulled into a drive thru to give her a milkshake…it got turned down…and starving Loo bear in the back willingly took it instead. I wish my heart wanted to continue singing…but it really wanted to cry. I wished that she could see our hearts…the sacrifices we were making…how this was hard for me–but that’s make this about ME. And it’s not. This is dying to self. This is where service begins. Where there are no thank you’s. There is complaining about your serving. Your other children are missing you–they start crying in the back because they are tired…and she rolls her eyes and complains of their crying. (And I just recovered from yesterday…her complaining because she didn’t sleep well at the beach. Mom piled all 4 loves in her bed so Princess could have a private room all to herself. This part of serving is hard…but it is not about me or thankfulness. Something happens in your heart when you continue to serve someone who doesn’t seem to care.)
And that’s when mom decided–right now…no matter where you are…you are my daughter. I felt like I was doing a disservice–“When Helping Hurts” if I was not honest. So here goes. Pull out translator on iPhone…and out comes mom’s authenticity. This is very hard for me too. I know you are sad I took you to get your teeth checked. The way you are looking at me tells me how you feel about me right now. We know it was frustrating to spend all day there–we understand–we were there too… ON and on and on I shared…and Princess T did the stare where girly girl leans over and gives me a full stare down…enough to make even a strong momma nervous. But this momma now sees right through it. I told her she was not allowed to look at me that way–and we’d finish this conversation when we got home over google translate.
I checked my voicemail to hear someone asking if our family would be interested in bringing home an older child locally…the needs in the world are great. We drove home with Isaac crying because he missed his nap, Laney drinking a milkshake, T with folded arms up front–and me thinking…WHAT IF EVERY FAMILY JUST DECIDED TO HELP JUST ONE…JUST ONE…JUST ONE…THINK OF WHAT THAT WOULD DO? Why call me? We are crazy. But what if EVERY family just took care of ONE. They don’t have to adopt. They can host. They can foster. They can send a child that doesn’t have family to college and look after them across the world. What would the world look like if EVERY family just took care of ONE…JUST ONE?! Scripture calls us to care for orphans. That is for sure plural. But what if we decided to start with JUST ONE???
It is NOT just my calling. It is the calling of EVERY believer. It’s for sure plural. But what if we all just cared for ONE??? If we kept just one out of sex trafficking? Just one off of drugs? Just one from prostitution? Because these orphans–they become adults. And many of them…without wanting too will add to the orphan crisis. ONE FAMILY–ONE ORPHAN…just think of how the world would change!
So by 4pm we get home. LONG SAY. I mean LONG DAY…see–I can’t even type.
While I wanted to run to the littles and catch up on their days–I knew we really needed to mend hearts. So for the next 2 (almost 3) hours we had to sit behind google translate. If I tried to start something else sweet girl would call my name–and I just knew I needed to stop everything again and go there. I’m thankful I did.
We had some things we needed to work through…because T knows Jesus…and to be a good momma to her now I must point her to scripture and work through our feelings and actions. We talked about complaining…how to be thankful…we talked about how the Lord was showing Himself to both of us…we talked about things we needed to stop–the stink eye, etc. We talked about what it looked like to love…how allowing love in was a hard thing for her to do–it was a choice.
We went from heavy to light…she told me things she needed. I told her some things I wanted to share with her from a mommy to daughter…how to be a lady—like no more spitting out of the car, how we want her to sit with us at dinner (she usually finishes her plate before all of us can even sit down and then she leaves the table), how she needs to help clean up some after herself as even the littles do this. It was good. (And it actually worked because after dinner tonight she wanted to help!)
Then she had some things she wanted to tell me. Sweet girl told me that until I shared how it was for me–that she really just saw this as her vacation. She told me that she goes to a boarding school and doesn’t live at the orphanage–and how she’ll go to a trade school next year. How this was really vacation for her and that is why she didn’t help at all before. She shared some very hard, personal things–that explain much of why this girly girl is the way she is. She hasn’t had a momma to influence her-and only bad views of them…so I think much of her frustration has been taken out on me for that reason. She told me she saw me as her momma. Then she asked me if it was okay to call me that.
She shared her heart on aging out–how she has a dear aunt who visits her and shares Jesus with her. We talked about fears and hopes and dreams. She promised me things she would never do–and for the first time she said she wanted us to help her in some way. I told her I would twist Papa’s arm and make him come for a visit with me in Ukraine, and we’d do what it takes to make sure she is where she will thrive. We talked about her dream to cook…opening a restaurant one day…and how she now thinks she likes America as much as Ukraine…because she now has 2 families…one there and one here. There was much shared–and she really opened up for the first time. And I think in the last 3 hours she has successfully figured out a way to slide the word Mama into every English word she can say a million times…Done mama! Bye bye mama! Hi mama! Night night mama! All the while the kids sitting there taking it all in…not asking a question or saying a word.
In just 7 days–our sweet girl forever ages out of the system. Many like her will age out and be on their own. But I really believe the Lord has big plans for our hosting experience and relationship and this is not the end for our sweet girl–but the beginning of something new and beautiful. I really believe that. And now…I think she does too. She’s been walking around the house singing and humming.
Before she went to bed, I told her if anyone ever asks her if she has parents–she can now say YES. If they don’t believe her–they can call me and I told her I’d set them straight.
Soooooo…all of that happened before daddy got home from work tonight. You can imagine that momma wanted off duty the minute he walked in. BUT I saw a little 6 year old princess that needed some TLC tonight after a long day. I called Rico and told him he had a very important date tonight. I suited the littlest princess up and sent her off on a much needed date with her daddy…while the other 4 had dinner with momma. She was well loved tonight over dinner and then a trip to the ice cream parlor!
LAST but not least–our beach fun!!! It was really a great trip for T. My parents, whom she ADORES, joined us which was huge because Rich couldn’t join us because of work and a golf tournament (he won!!! yay Rico!). Not sure if you remember the first picture of T when she got here in June but you have to look at it and THEN watch this slideshow from our beach trip. MY how love has opened up this girl’s personality and heart!!! Amazing what the Lord can do even in a hosting summer!
T in June…
And just 4 weeks later…
Yes–that is the same girl!
Enjoy the slideshow of our crazy…(and you must know the older couple in some of these are my precious grandparents who I grew up just next door to! They are amazing–and live in Fairhope…so it’s just a stone throw away from my sister’s in law’s beach house. AND THANK YOU CARLCOCKS for letting us enjoy your amazing place!!! It was such fun!)
This summer has truly been an eye-opening adventure for our family. Thousands upon thousands of children age out of the system every year–and now this hits our home in a completely different way. While we did not feel the Lord leading us to grow through adoption in this situation, we also knew it was really impossible as USCIS approval had to received before the 30th. Trust me, my heart has ached and wrestled and called the agency and social workers…we’ve done it even though we haven’t felt the Lord saying move forward…our parents have done it…and while it is so hard we know the Lord has a plan–and He has to be opening our eyes to other ways to help kids just like our love.
Not every family can adopt. But every family CAN do something. What if every family loved an orphan deep and wide…and in their love…that child became no longer an orphan? Adoption will not be the plan for every child, but every child does need a family to love them and look after them in some capacity. Sure sponsoring a child through Compassion or Wiphan or this organization or that is great–but what might it look like to get REALLY involved in the life of a child who needs a family? What if the Lord wanted to use your family in the life of just ONE in a big, real, lasting way??? Will you pray about reaching out–being available–and for Him to show you just ONE??
Love you Andrea and your big beautiful heart! There are so many things I want to say in response to this post because just about every sentence ministered to me, and I know it is doing the same for others. You’re right! We can ALL do something to change the world for just ONE! I love that in your obedience, saying YES to God this summer you have shown all of us just one more way that can be done. This is the real stuff!!
Andrea…have been following your journey with T especially! We are welcoming Alyona (14 year old orphan from Ukraine!) into our home SATURDAY! We were a ‘last minute host’ as her host family fell thru. It has taken me too long to tell you that God used your posting of your world to prep me to say ‘yes’ quickly when this opportunity came. We adopted 2 boys from ET a year ago and had an 18 year old drop in for a year before. What you have reminded me so well is that God does not call us to love because it’s EASY. If that were the case, we wouldn’t even begin to ‘taste and see’ that the Lord is good. I’m grateful for you taking the time to share. I don’t know how I will when there will be 3 teens in my house and 3 youngers too. Regardless I have to believe and hope for a family for her. More importantly I pray for the LOVE of Jesus to somehow change her AND go home with her. I believe you’ve shown Jesus’ love to T. I’m grateful. I already ache at the thought of your T and my Alyona going back on that plane. God can and will see fit to meet them …maybe through a family..but definitely through His son. Thank you!!! May Jesus’ presence be the biggest blessing you’ve experienced in all this! p.s. It was thru healing of my Lymes disease that God led us to adopt;p go figure!
While many of my posts the last 4 weeks have been focused on the newest princess in the house…my heart’s weighing must interrupt our regular scheduled post to reflect and rejoice over another one of my loves.
We just got home from the beach–and I’m sitting here “letting” Rico Suave put the 5 loves to bed after I had the honor of doing it without him for the last 4 evenings. I’m a thoughtful wife like that;).
Downloading pictures and then uploading them for Costco weekly printing is what we’ve been doing for Princess T. But tonight as I downloaded pictures my breath was taken away as I looked at pictures of my oldest son. Parker–one day you will read this…and tonight I’m telling you myself…but when you reread this one day in mommy’s blog-to-book it will serve as a reminder of who you are.
The Lord delights in you…
In your 8 years, you continue to amaze me…how you love others and how you serve.
In your 8 years, you have never–not once–raised your voice, spoken back or said a single word of dishonor to your mother or father. Your daddy and I have been ministered to by your calm nature, patience and your ability to understand at such a young age.
In your 8 years, you have made more room in your home and heart with us…for siblings…for children who needed love for a time…for a birth mom who we have grown to love as our own…for families passing through needing a place to stay…for constant change and crazy. Instead of holding tight to things, you have seen different needs with us–and you have learned to open your hands. Not only does the Lord delight in you–your father and I do as well.
You are patient and competitive…whether it’s sports, school or little things like catching tadpoles…
You are compassionate and strong…
I loved watching you this week tenderly putting each and every last tadpole into your yellow bucket…picking grass so each would not go hungry through the night and explaining to me the next day why they needed to each go back and live where they belong…
I love how you even left them a goldfish to munch on for the night;)…
You have stood in the background this summer as mommy and daddy have needed to help an older one in our home–your oldest spot kind of taken over for the summer…yet you have been a man of compassion. In your 8 year old words, you have explained to your younger siblings and even to me why some things have to change for a season. At times you have struggled, yet I see the Lord’s strength in you…and you have remained strong. I am thankful.
You are brave…a true arrow…who will fight for what is right no matter the cause…
This week while we were at Aunt April’s in-law’s beach house–without thinking you defended the cause of someone who was weaker on little island in the canal where your little sister and cousin like to play…
Three boys were there one afternoon–and your Papa told me what my little braveheart did. You saw two boys bullying a younger boy-pouring buckets of sand on his head. Although these 2 boys were bigger than you, you didn’t think about what might happen to you–and you swam over to defend the defenseless. “No one cares if we do this!” they said. And you stood tall and said boldly, “He does. And I do. So stop.” Wow. I don’t think I’m nearly as brave as you, my son. But at least you can teach me how to be. You see a need and with your compassion, strength and bravery–you act. The Lord delights in you!
I love your heart Parker-man. Listening to you wrestle with the realities of orphans across the world…watching you make sacrifices in your home and your heart…truly–some times I’m amazed that you are just 8 years old (truthfully…you are just 7…but in 1 month and 1 day you will be 8!). There is no doubt in my mind the Lord has great, big plans for your life. And I am just so humbled and thankful that He would choose me to be your mommy.
Thank you for being on this ride with us…and for making room to love bigger with us. You shine Jesus’s love more greatly into our lives, and our family needs you (isn’t it amazing to be needed!) because you are a great arrow constantly pointing forward, challenged to greater things and willing to take risks. Now…momma is off to tuck you in…because although it is daddy’s honor tonight–momma just can’t stand it…and I have a few things I need to tell you…
You’ll always be my baby boy!!! Love you my son! And remember–the Lord delights in you!
Mama
Never underestimate the power of speaking truth into your sons and daughters. Remind them how God is using them and how you see Jesus active in their hearts and lives. Call forth their gifts and strengths–and remind them how the Lord is preparing them to be sent out to impact the world. You believe these things about your children–remind them…so they will believe them too.
Thanks for making me cry again, Anj. Parker has always had wisdom in his eyes. He is an old soul, prepared for such great things. And the fact that you are humbled by this precious little boy just affirms what a beautiful mother you are. I love you.
Nope. I’m still here. Only problem–is Rico Suave is not. Momma bird packed up all 5 and joined my sister at her in-law’s beach house. And without Rico–momma is exhausted. (Someone has to work to pay the bills folks;). It was a loooong, QUIET 6 hour drive down here. 6 hours where moms hands had to be on the wheel and eyes on the road so no charades. My kiddos had KungFu Panda 2 in and headphones on…Princess T had her head phones on…and momma–she drove…talking to her free therapist (aka her sister April) off and on throughout the trip as we caravanned:).
WE. ARE. HERE.
We are alive.
And all is well.
My sweet sister and her three girls are here. And my parents just got in too. Thankful to have them with us. I have lots of pictures–but those will have to come tomorrow. I’m exhausted.
We’ve once again lived a million years in our 2 days here. We’ve ridden battery operated tractors. We’ve all kayaked our arm muscles off. I think every child has had a melt down—and momma bird rocked Frankie baby last night on the front porch during his holding back tears…because every thing is so out of sync and everyone feels it.
One of my precious blog readers said it best when she emailed me to encourage me. “Dying to self is so hard–it kinda feels like…well, that part of you is really dying.” I have no doubt that foster children…orphans from the hard place…are the hardest to love. They lie. They cheat. They steal. They give you the stink eye. They ignore you. They roll their eyes at you. They mock your children. They slam doors. They don’t love back. And they almost successfully do everything possible that would make you want to give up on them. This is safe for them. Because they have already been rejected for so many years–their hearts hurt so many times…hurting is easy…but taking the risk to open up and love again…it’s just too much.”
There have also been amazing behaviors. Watching our sweet girl share the things she has been given for the first time to call her own. Seeing her fight for smaller goats when we go feed them. Watching her learn new things and look to us for approval…and when we all cheer–watching her facial expression light up knowing how her heart feels…she’s walking on clouds. Feeling her hug BACK after days of many hugs. Watching her connect with us and seeing her fall in love with people like my parents (I considered giving her a stop watch with a 5 hour count down on it when we learned they had just left for the beach to join us—she was about to POP with happiness!) Laughing at her run in the room after missing them for a bit…and seeing that she does’t care and even laughs if they wipe away her kisses (they do that with me too). There are so many amazing–so many MORE amazing–with the hard…trust me.
Many of the hard behaviors we have experienced this summer (not all of them thankfully though!). Yet the ones we have experienced has helped make this by far the most emotional summer of our lives. The lowest of lows and then the highest of highs. It’s almost like a cycle at our house…okay day + distant day + BLOW + awesome day…repeat. There is no doubt I love the awesome days for sure. And every now and again we get stuck what feels like far too long on a distant day. All the while…I feel like I’m pulling 4 smaller ones along for the ride hoping their needs are being met, knowing everyone is off kilter and watching everyone struggle in a different way with the adjustments we have to make on the blow days to get to the awesome ones again.
I have a precious friend who is about 15 years ahead of me in parenting. Her children now in their 20s–and often when I have a Facebook post about something crazy one of my kids has done…she or her husband are both always quick to comment: “You’re gonna miss this” which quickly turns my perspective from the pull up I found in the washing machine that blew up to man–I’m gonna miss this…I wanna live in this moment…pull-up particles all over the place and all!
There have been days lately that I have struggled to live in the moment. I confess there have been some I have wanted to wish away or fast forward through. BUT today–I got a sweet reminder…
Another precious blog reader (how I adore you guys) who is a foster mom sent me an encouraging email tonight–reminding me, “Carry on, you will not only survive and thrive though this; you will look back on it fondly. Because when she leaves you won’t remember the hard parts (it’s like labour and delivery)…you will remember the gifts you gave her and the gifts she gave you and you will know it is as meaningful as parenting your own children; because they are all God’s children. After you sleep for about a month, lol! You will miss this craziness. I promise you will…” (Thank you Leigh for this reminder.)
Every distant day–takes so much energy to get her back…or to communicate through the problem…or to even stand my parenting ground on what is going on that day. Truly parenting my new bird for the summer requires more of me than my 4 little birds all put together. Yesterday and today were another of those days. And I feel like I’m so not good at this…like there is dying in the dying…and then–the BLOW happens. Everything comes out in the wash–I am then able to pour TRUTH in…pour LOVE in…pour MORE in…and it is accepted. But hard stuff has to happen to get there…because these kids–they are tough. Because to survive they have had to be.
So many of these kids WAIT. They wait for families to bring them in–whether through hosting, foster-care or adoption. And knowing what I know now–I could never be on a wait list when there are so many waiting. 15 year olds. 10 year olds. 5 year olds. Their ages and their pain being their special needs. Many feel called to bring wait to bring home the babies, but so few feel called to bring home these children that believe they are unlovable. There are thousands of these children right here in our foster care and in every country in the world. And they wait.
I’ll tell you this. I really thought bringing home a 1 year old was hard. Until now. He was cute. He was loving. Although he struggled…he pushed me away…yadda, yadda, yadda…IT. WAS. DIFFERENT. (In no way am I saying adoption or fostering/hosting little ones is EVER easy–it is always hard…because it always starts because of brokenness in their world. I started Created for Care retreats because after we adopted a toddler I felt desperate for connecting with other moms who were in the same boat–who also needed encouraging and equipping to bring healing to hearts. But you moms who are adopting/fostering teens–oh man…I get it in a whole new level now. I HAD NO IDEA. This is different!) When we brought home our sweet boy, much of his ache and trauma wasn’t remembered by him…baggage weighing down his shoulders making it difficult for him to smile, to laugh, to breath. Yes–loss is absolutely still there and it will always be. We will walk through those waters indeed. But these older children…the ache is deeply there…sufficating their souls…and they are deeply wounded beyond anything you could imagine. They make things up to wish it away. They steal for fear of rejection if they ask. They give you the stink eye because what if they smile…and you don’t smile back? They’ve come to terms with their reality–of never loving or being loved back–and keeping their hard shells and hearts protected from being rejected again is safe. Yet–deep down…they long for more. And they wait. And they wait. And they wait…deep in their hearts…on a waiting list…most of them will wait until the system hands them their bag, a few things and shows them the pathway out…one we would never send our own children own without constant provision, guidance and support.
They wait because the world is scared to love them.
But they are lovable.
They are glimmers of their hearts that haven’t given up yet…even at 16.
After the really, REALLY exhausting hard day–you feel that connection as you pecked on the keyboard Biblical truth…and you know and saw it strike a cord as her eyes lit up. You remind your big love how momma bird feels–and although our bird says she wants to return to her birth country…you type in that she’s not going back without a momma bird to be in her business…and connections are made as you see in the corner of your eye a smile begin to curve softly in her lips. You stop typing. You ask her again and again to look in your eyes and repeat after you that thing you are trying to work through…followed by saying her name and “I love you” and you know–that it’s true…you’re gonna miss this.
You know one day the Lord might just call you to bring home an older one…and that you could do it. The Lord might call you to with a house full of little ones. He may ask you to open your heart and home to a foster child who has layers so thick it looks impossible–but He’d carry you through. It will not be easy. And for much of it you will not feel happy…because at first it is so, so hard. But as you go to sleep at night–you WILL feel joy.
And that is the difference between happiness and joy. JOY–it is lasting. Happy is temporary. Happy is moments and created by things or feelings through how something or someone else makes you feel in the moment. But JOY…Joy is walking through something really hard–digging your heels in the ground and saying, “Lord, you called me to this. I can’t do it on my own. I will not be moved. I will run this race to the finish…I can only do this with you.”
I realize this weekend how absolutely crazy I look…
My mom was sitting at the bar eating grapes…watching me and princess T go back and forth over how you make something—we were turning the eye of the stove on and off…off and on…on and off (with me saying here and there “New Horizons told me you aren’t supposed to work the stove by yourself–you are gonna have to let me help you”)…Frank and Isaac are at my feet asking for juice…I get popped in the back of the neck with a nerf bullet from Parker and his cousin’s aim practice…and I look at my mom and say, “You all think I’m crazy don’t you? You think we are totally in over our heads?”
And we do look it. There’s not a moment of free time or down time–because when toddlers nap it’s my time to connect with T…and after babes go down–we sit down on google translate to work through all the misunderstanding throughout the day. And I almost decided to not even document/blog this day at all–but then I decided to because…I know she’s right…I’m gonna miss this–and I want to remember. I open up my laptop and instead of my blog address I literally typed in: www.imexhausted.com instead. Seriously–I did that. The domain isn’t taken and is still available by the way;)
I’m learning for once what it means to really pour myself out as a living sacrifice. (It’s so much easier to pour yourself out to children or even toddler adopted littles…okay–it’s NOT EASY to ever do the mommy thing…but it’s not this–trust me…it is NOT this.) I’m learning what love can really do–and watching how love can heal…as my mom, dad, sister, friends, our family and so many pour into this sweet T for the summer. (My parents are AMAZING at this–and I am touched by their hearts even considering bringing her home if she wanted it.) I’m learning how much I need the Lord–and how He is enough…and how truly–the JOY of the Lord…not happiness…is my strength. I’m learning how deep the wounds are of older orphans…how unwanted they feel…how so many have waited a lifetime…and that one day we can and Lord willing will follow in this way…because no child should ever have to wait and long and wait more…to be loved like this.
You described the adopted older child so well in this post. My two from Ukraine are now 16 and 17 and still have struggles, even though they have been home since they were 7 and 8. We have walked through oh so much with them. Have had horrendous days and wonderful ones and normal ones. Our 17 year-old daughter also has fetal alcohol going on, so she’s a teenager who can be like a teen in some very small ways, but is more often like a child. It’s still hard to ignore the questioning looks and stares we get when she says or does something that is not appropriate for her age. I’ve never been to Created for Care because it has always seemed geared toward parents who have adopted younger children. I would SO love to know how to connect with other parents who have walked/are walking a similar path as me. Maybe CFC could work on that? Because you don’t have enough to do… LOL Seriously. I know there’s a need. I’ve just never known how to fill it myself. Maybe you can now that you’ve had a taste. Just a thought. 🙂
WOW!!! I think every new kind of adoption, every new kind of experience, older, special needs, RAD, and a host of other “things” teaches us different lessons. We have not done an older child adoption…..yet, but I would like to.
I feel your heart in this post. I see the crazy through a little peep hole, and I think to myself- YOU have really poured yourself out! AWESOME! Giving God your EVERYTHING! Praise HIM for strength for the moments…..because you are going to miss this!!!
Praying as your journey continues….thank you so much for a peak inside!
Momma is officially tired. I’m tired of doing the charades. Tired of typing in google translate. Tired of lots of things that have been really, really hard. I have to smile though as I think tonight–what encourages me most right now? And–it’s my children. They have been so sacrificial in their time, their love, their summer–their rooms, their parents, their space. They give and give and give more…and they are such a reminder to me how to really love. I honestly think I stink at it actually. I have to constantly call out to Him to take over…I truly can’t do it on my own. And as today marks the 1st day of our 2nd half of the hosting summer…I’m taking deep breathes because this hasn’t been easy for momma. I don’t want to share the HARD parts because our situation is different than most hosting families–but more is required than me than ever–and my work load has doubled–and truly I can’t do this without His strength. I stink at this–and if there is any good you see in it…glory be to God…because it is Him intervening!
In news for today–we all packed our bags today for a little adventure. We are leaving Rico Suave behind so he can work and fund our outings;). He also needs a little breather so it’ll be so good for him to have some down time. AND he is going to play in a golf tournament with his old Bible study from back in the day–so it’ll be great. Momma on the other hand…I’m loading up 5 kids for a 5 day adventure with my crazy older sister April and her kids + my parents. Pictures to follow:) So we packed for that. THEN we introduced T to the library. Free outing was sounding really good to me. THEN at 4ish we loaded up and headed to pick up Rico Suave from work…and we took T to her first professional baseball game!
I got ALL the kids geared up in their Braves shirts and we even had T one! She refused to wear it though:(. I thought it’d be fun…but she didn’t think it was so cool:). Here’s ITY on our way down…oh my glory–is he not SCRUMPTIOUS?!
What I’m most thankful for tonight is GRACE. I’m thankful we were not shot because sweet T was pointing and laughing at people tonight that she saw that were different than us. This is something you do NOT do near East Point…near the Braves stadium. I’m thankful we are still alive and their is grace and kindness in the hearts of those we passed tonight. And once again–I was ministered to by Parker and Laney who were upset by those whose had very little…and they wanted to put quarters in their cups and bless them. I was reminded tonight how experience grows and shapes your heart–and while one with us needs a lot of love and experience…my others are using their experience and love they have been given to action. I have a tornado of crazy things going on when we are out in public…I feel like I’m learning so much.
Then–we got to the stadium…
We discovered baseball isn’t sweet T’s thing–but she was quite entertained by the people watching. And I had no idea how cool it is for young people to go to Braves games. I need to get out more because I was shocked at the lack of modesty in the wardrobe of young ladies. Oh sweet boys out there–praying for you guys. It’s a tough world out there!
We came home…tucked everyone in bed…and Richard shared one of his heirlooms with me:) Momma whipped up a yummy midnight snack…(gluten free wheat bread + garlic – toast for 8 minutes…add tomato + mozzarella + basil + olive oil = DELISH!)
Alright faithful readers and friends…please pray our 5 day adventure brings much rest, much love and much connection. I’ll do my best to blog and keep you guys in the know. And when we return on Sunday…we have a party to plan!
Praying for you!! I have LOVED reading about your hosting adventure. It seems like it’s been hard- so much work! But God is using you immensely in ways you do not know. Keep up the great work and enjoy the getaway.
Shirley Robertson -July 19, 2012 - 9:39 am
Andrea, David and I fostered for two years when our kids were small and even to this day, they say they gained a lot from it. They still refer to the foster children as siblings, and miss them. Amy and I have had the opportunity to minister to our foster child/sister’s children, as well, because Lisa stays in touch.They gained insight into the fact that not all kids have a great family life, not all kids feel safe and loved, or even wanted, and that parents aren’t perfect and sometimes make mistakes. But that time led me into the career that God chose for my life. Today I am blessed to have many of my former foster children that I worked with as friends on FB, and even some of the parents whose children were in care have come to understand that the decisions I made for their children gave their kids a better life. One mother told me that terminating her rights and placing her children for adoption was the best thing for them, and she has come to know Christ because of it! Fostering an older child is not easy even without a language barrier. T came to your home with a different agenda than you and your family and I pray that she takes back a feeling of having been loved and not the loss of another family! Sorry you’re tired but I do understand. love you!
by admin
I LOVE LOVE LOVE the video clip! Brings back fun memories from when our son came home. Such brave kids!
I absolutely love this post! We are praying for you, your family, and T. The video is priceless! I love that she runs to you giggling! You can certainly see the changes in your posts and pictures. I am so glad you decided to document all of this.