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Living the Dream…

09.23.2012

On Friday, I took the kids to the King Center downtown…mixing it up a little bit–because you can do that when you are the teacher:). (When you are the teacher–you can also declare NO HOMEWORK…afternoons reserved for family basketball HORSE games and such too…we have a strict NO HOMEWORK policy at our house…one of the many advantages of homeschool I’ll say!) Here’s our little Friday field trip…

I was a little nervous about this–because with our community that we do life with…my older two seriously think that every family adopts, has siblings that all look different and this is just the way it is and probably has always been. Although we’ve talked to them here and there about American history–in school we’ve been doing ancient history. They (especially my oldest little guy) were in a bit of shock hearing how it truly was–especially in the South when their Nana and Papa were children. The King Center is truly set up well–and the way many of their things cater to children is so cool. (AND–it’s absolutely free to visit!)

And THEN…came a little short video playing out the fight for freedom for African Americans in our nation…

There were a few images in the video that were hard to see–and because of my littles ages I often shelter them from much–but those few images I felt I couldn’t exactly cover their eyes up in good conscience. Martin Luther King Jr.’s children saw so much worse IN PERSON…and they lost their father for the sake of freedom–my kids needed to see and understand that the freedoms we now have in order to be a transracial family came at a price.

Parker asked “Mom, are you telling me that people might have not liked us having a brother with brown skin back when Nana and Papa were little? THAT’S CRAZY!”

It is true. Things have changed–but being just 50 years ago–there are still things that need to change. Go into the smaller towns of South Georgia–hear the music stop when we walk into the grocery…while African Americans are completely welcome there–transracial families they aren’t so sure about…and you do get stares. We are so used to life in the city where transracial families are every where…very thankful for this normal for sure.

Parker and Laney got to pretend they were on a Freedom walk at the museum…

Then we headed over to the burial site and memorial…

We went to the church where Dr.King preached–and just sat taking it all in…

Standing there in the place where Martin Luther King Jr. preached at Ebenezar Baptist–this mom just had to smile. He had a dream that white kids and black kids would hold hands and being to see each other as brothers and sisters. You know he has to be smiling in heaven seeing actual brothers and sisters holding hands of all color–who can’t imagine life any other way…who judge one another by the content of their character rather than by the color of their skin–and who think the thought of anything different is absolutely crazy. He was preaching this as a DREAM–DREAMING BIG…wonder what he would have said if you told him in 50 years families with children of all colors would be coming through his church to learn about him and honor his life and fight for freedom. I think it’s really cool when you think about it!!!

THEN…we decided to just make a day of it and go to the home he grew up in…

Last but not least–we went to the gift shop that helps keep all of these tours and museums FREE. (If you visit Atlanta ever–you must stop here…it is so inspirational!) We totally made up for the free part with a set of magnetic African American doll dress up kit, children’s books, bracelets and some of the little toys that kids played with in Martin’s childhood days. We are suckers when it comes to gift shops on field trips:).

THAT was our FRIDAY!

I still have to catch up from Saturday…an action packed day!!! We had 2 soccer games back to back–went to a pumpkin patch–went on a hayride–went to a corn maze…

And THEN…we drove to the airport (actually sped to the airport from North Georgia!) to see TETIANA come home with her forever family!!! MORE pics to come with that. BUT until then here is a pretty amazing pic to hold you over. They walked out–and I was holding the kids back to give them a moment…but Isaac got too excited and broke free! I love that he insisted on being the first one to greet her. It was a moment we’ll all never forget!

Here’s a sneak peak…(normally kids coming home are so nervous and timid at the airport because they no NO ONE waiting on them here…but this girl–she was praising the Lord and overcome with such emotion as she arrived…SUCH a sweet moment!)

Her forever family–(with 2 big brothers to look after her!)…

SUCH a sweet weekend!!!

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Deborah - September 24, 2012 - 7:54 am

Amazing post Andrea. Love the pumpkin patch picture and especially the airport pictures.

Candy - September 24, 2012 - 10:16 am

Oh, those pictures of Tatiana coming home and the joy and rejoicing on her face and then little Isaac running to meet her just made me weep. It made me think of my husband’s arrival in heaven that morning almost 3 years ago and the absolute joy he must have felt as his mother ran to meet him. Thank you for sharing these.

Amy - September 25, 2012 - 12:08 pm

This is such a beautiful story of Gods redemption!! Love this and love to see your heart a part of this story!

Blessed Be His Name…

09.21.2012

Do you know how good it felt to type that title? Blessed Be His Name. (A few of you who know my heart lately are already smiling reading this;). Three weeks ago tonight–was a tough night for this momma. Several dear friends who had lost little ones to miscarriage emailed me to send me a song that ministered to them–“Blessed Be His Name”. My heart felt those words–but they just weren’t able to sing them…or even type them again just yet. My momma heart hurt. But this sweet little baby of ours–she (totally convinced the baby was a she;)–has taught this mom much already in 3 weeks…

One–I don’t care if you (or anyone else) thinks I’m crazy. Nope. If you haven’t been here–you probably do think I’m crazy for struggling so–by all means…think I’m crazy. Truly, momma’s heart can’t think or worry about what others think. Nope. But if you want to walk with me toward Jesus in it…whatever your stuff might be…then keep reading:).

I have learned that in my heart–I know His plans are perfect…I know the hard stuff will be worth it. I have gotten to Skype with Princess T (the 16 year old Ukrainian teen we hosted this summer)…low and behold she will be home on SATURDAY with her forever parents. He gives and takes away…blessed be His name! Her life has been one of more and more being taken away–but He has given her parents again…and on Saturday she will step off the plane into a new life…she will be loved–looked after–poured into. HE HAS ALWAYS HAD A PLAN. He is good.

Last weekend, I went to my first baby/kid shower. (Baby + kid as it was for my most precious friend bringing home a baby and older ones from Ethiopia next month). I needed to get something for her sweet baby girl–so just 2 weeks after our miscarriage–I needed to go in and buy a sweet baby girl something for this sweet baby girl. Never has my heart fretted so before going shopping. Rich and I even talked about it before I went to Target. (When does your husband have to give you a pep talk to go to Target?!)

There’s a list of firsts that a momma has to get through after miscarrying. Most moms who have been here can tell you exactly where they were for each of these “firsts” although you don’t really talk about them…you just pray your way through them–tuck them in your heart–remember the way you felt–and it’s just part of the process. The first time you reached for coffee…or some thing you might not want to have or over have while expecting…and you realized it didn’t matter anymore. The first time you see a mom with a baby bump right where you might be. The first time you see a newborn. And the first time you shop for baby clothes…but it’s not for your baby. The firsts that are just part of the process–and you don’t even really know what they are even…until the moment is right in front of you and you feel that lump in your throat remembering what isn’t. It’s all part of the process of moving on, healing and for me–trusting His plans are greater than mine.

I grabbed my keys to run out on Sunday afternoon during rest time, and I jokingly told Rich that I wanted to pray that there would miraculously EITHER be a Chinese girl on the aisle or a newborn baby–and then we’d just KNOW how God wanted us to grow our family again (we totally plan to adopt and we’d love to have another little one the old fashioned way too). We both totally laughed–Rico Suave said, “Yeah right–God totally works like that Ang;).” You know, as I have said before–I totally walk by faith–and not saying God wouldn’t work like that BUT I also am not foolish enough to put my finger on a map and say “let’s move here” or flip the pages of the Bible and say “this is what He has for me”…so of course I was totally kidding. I do realize though that seeing a girl or baby would be different than something crazy like that–because we have to use our wisdom too…yet I did pray that the Lord would hold my hand through this first–because 2 weeks out…my heart needed it.

I got to Target, and I walked back to the baby section–and a beautiful expecting momma passed by me–and I thought I might run out of Target. But I didn’t:) I decided to stick to the registry, and I turned on aisle N7-and just as I turned a precious teenager in a red Target vest said, “Can I help you?” She was from China–and she had a repaired cleft palate. I just stood there smiling–politely said no–and if you don’t think I’m crazy–I’m quite sure she thought I was. After looking around for things on the check list–I kept looking over at this precious girl and couldn’t help but think about what God might have for our family…for a little girl out there…for our future. I then put the list away–and I headed right over to the little girl section and had the most fun picking out cute little things for a princess. I just had to smile how I really felt the Lord had gone before me even over this little shopping trip. I know His plans are good. And He has a perfect, beautiful one for our family.

This last month I have learned a bit more how precious life is–how precious my babies are–and how too many people get their panties all caught up in a wad over nothing. I was listening to someone expecting fret over the sex of their baby. And all I could do as I listened–was think back and hear the words of the radiologist telling me that my baby was measuring off–but that the heartbeat was strong. Right then, I knew I would love that baby with a strong heart beat with anything and everything…whether there were no legs…no hands…whatever…that baby had a heartbeat–and I was the momma…I would love big. Listening to someone fret over the sex of the baby they were carrying…oh–that made me sad. What I’d do to have that strong heartbeat back. No hands…no feet–that wouldn’t matter. My heart longed to love big. Oh the things we make up to fret over…

This week one of my sweet ones was diagnosed with severe dyslexia. Momma didn’t blink. He has a strong heart beat. He is healthy. This is one of the reasons I decided to homeschool…it was definitely what was best for one–and the other begged to join in…and I knew it’d be great for that one too. But oh my heart–it daily can struggle with the things of the world and what I “could be” doing. (Every homeschool mom has these thoughts I know!) BUT–it’s getting my panties all in a wad for the WRONG reasons..and thank the Lord just for a moment). I GET…I *GET*…to stay at home…homeschool and love my kids big. I get to see them grow right where they are…AND I get to see them grow in their faith together. For this season it is part of His plan—and it is so good. (Some think I’m crazy for this–but you already know what I think about what they think. Can’t think about what they think–cause I just have to look to Him, follow Him and love big. I GET TO! How amazing is that?)

We’ve been dreaming and praying lately about what the Lord might have for our family in the weeks, months and years ahead. All I can say is that I am married to the most brave, amazing, adventurous man…and I have a little girl in heaven to thank one day for the inspiration to how we are praying to grow. Her loss will be part of His perfect timing for others to be a part of this perfectly weaved plan–and although there is pain in it…I am amazed that I can already roll down the windows of my mini-van, let the air in and with one hand on the wheel–and the other raised high sing Blessed Be His Name. He really is good.

My most precious adoption momma friend in California Catherine Besk sent me a cd that has truly been ministering to my heart this past week. (Only in the adoption momma world do you have VBFFs in California that you met on your agency’s listserv and who fly to adoption momma retreats to encourage one another…seriously–amazing is this journey!) I wanted to share a Kari Jobe song that has truly blessed my soul as I surrender daily to Him…(Give it a sec and you can bypass the advertisement):

Okay–if you have been behind me at a red light this week or I’ve passed you with really loud music–my 4 littles either singing along or screaming for me to roll the windows down…my apologies;). I was a wild one in high school–I lost most of the wild–but the windows down and music up…that rolled over beautifully.

I feel like my blogs are usually thought out or make sense. Not sure if this one did at all as it was just me typing really fast…as we have a full day tomorrow (after a day full of testing and such today)–with the sole mission to just HAVE FUN. Reading and writing are being pushed aside tomorrow–because I’m the teacher we can do that:). I want to make sure more than reading and writing my kids are getting what it means to LIVE and to be fully alive…celebrating who He made us to be and how amazing and blessed we are to even be here…to bring glory to Him and to shine Him on the world. Oh if my kids get ANYTHING at all–let it be that!

Blessings to y’all this weekend! Praying that no matter where you are right now…that the Lord will see you through–and that you will be able to sing these words with your whole heart…

Andrea

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Michelle - September 21, 2012 - 9:51 am

I understand your heart as we lost our first precious one 13 years ago. I still remember all the “firsts” and bursting into tears without warning. My precious one will always be in my heart and memory, and I have confidence that I will see my little one and have an eternity in heaven to spend with her. I do not claim to understand all of God’s ways, but I do have to trust that He works all things for our good. Blessings to you today.

Ia - September 21, 2012 - 10:15 am

I do not want to take away from your pain, your hopes and your dreams you share on this blog. I just want to tell you about my neighbors child years ago when she and my kids went to high school. She had dyslexia and was put in “resource class” for all of her school years. She became the valedictorian of her class:). Dyslexia is not a big handicap, just another little bump to overcome.

Kim - September 21, 2012 - 11:00 am

This post truly encouraged my heart. Thank you for being vulnerable and modeling faith and trust in all circumstances. We are currently waiting on news about the potential of twin girls from China (special needs). The road to children continues to be long, but so worth the pain to grow closer to God. Thanks for your blessing.

Stephanie W - September 21, 2012 - 11:47 am

I LOVE this post! Thank you for sharing your heart. Thank you for sharing your struggles. Thank you for sharing His glory!

Catherine Besk - September 21, 2012 - 1:07 pm

I love you! I love you! Thank goodness we have the Lord to steady our hearts. This journey of adoption or life may not be how we planned it, but He moves mountains and makes miracles. He will carry us through. I can’t wait to look back in 10 years to see how He ended up shaping our families and what countries we’ve lived in. Thank you for sharing your heart and life with all of us!!

Dawn Wright - September 21, 2012 - 8:36 pm

Covering you in prayers…….words just don’t seem to mean a whole lot.

I do however love that song Steady my Heart! Beautiful!

Just praying……

Aimee Wagner - September 22, 2012 - 1:04 pm

We too lost a little girl 6yrs ago at about 17 weeks along. Sometimes it actually takes my breath away that I can miss someome so desperately that I never even knew…. I too take comfort in knowing she is waiting for us in Heaven. I have been a Christian for a long time, but am ashamed to say I never longed for Heaven until we lost her. I think of her and miss her daily. Prayers for you, may peace that passes understanding surround you…
Aimee

Melanie - September 23, 2012 - 2:19 pm

Andrea – we sang this song by Matt Redman in church this morning. I thought of you.

“Never Once” – Matt Redman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e02UNZRsdSQ

Chores Made Fun for Little Ones…

09.17.2012

We have two 3 year-olds, a 1st grader and a 2nd grader. I homeschool–so finding time to get it all done around the house is near to impossible…without HELP. I need my little ones to be aware when they pull things out–that they need to put them up…and really there is no better way to bring them awareness to this until they have responsibilities like chores. They quickly learn it’s so much easier to pick up the playroom when they put up things after they play with them. YET with ages still so young, we’re still working at this AND we have to make it fun.

We’ve tried “chore charts” where you put smiley removable stickers on each item after you have completed the task. We’ve done chores for seasons with no rewards–simply doing them because it’s good to obey your mommy and daddy. I came up with this fun little idea on one of my many visits to Hobby Lobby. It’s super easy, and I don’t have to remind each child what they need to do that day. I simply put the clothes pin on the “to do” side of their wooden tag—and walk away. It’s their job to see what they need to do that day, and it’s their job to move the clothes pin task to the “all done” side. They don’t have to come tell me they’ve completed it–and I don’t have to ask them. At the end of the day–I can look to see what is “all done” and go check to be sure it was done well. If it was done well, I simply place a “ticket” in their jar for each task completed and well done—and move the clothes pins for the next day back to “to do”…

You don’t need a chalkboard to do this at home. I already had one, and just wanted to make the peg board I bought at Hobby Lobby reachable for the kids so they could do this without my help. You could put your peg board at their height level on the wall–I just loved the idea of being able to move this in different parts of the house if our school room ended up not being the best place for it.

The chalkboard is from IKEA for just $10. The peg board is maybe $7 at Hobby Lobby–but you can get this any where…and at Hobby Lobby with their 40% coupon online. I spray painted both black (they were unfinished).

For the wooden tags–I bought a unfinished wooden door hanger for $0.99 each for each child. I painted each white–and with a black paint pen I wrote their name in the center–and “to do” on the left side–and “all done” on the right side…

(Sorry these pics are a bit out of focus! Momma needs a new set of glasses I’m afraid!)

I made age-appropriate tasks for each child. I also made 2 wooden tags for “tickets”–but only because my wooden peg had 6 begs and I was trying to balance it out:). You can choose not to “reward” your child with “tickets”, but mine think it’s fun.

The cute little ticket dispenser is available at Hobby Lobby on the birthday party aisle in the circus theme section.

You can make your tickets worth whatever you want. So many tickets can be traded in for different things OR you could make them worth money–and then at the end of the week or month trade them in. We are doing this–and at the end of each month teaching them how to “save/give/spend” with what they’ve earned.

I give my kids more chores each day than I think they would normally want–simply because some times they want to do more to earn more. In the real world, there’s always opportunity to do what we need to do–and then room to do more if we want to go the extra mile. For younger children–say 3 year olds–you may want to reward weekly until they are old enough to really have patience to wait an entire month for their reward whatever it may be. We are just making chores more fun–because we try to make a lot of things fun…because fun is just more fun:).

ALSO–I got little jars with lids that clasp to hold their tickets. 4 jars fit perfectly in the chalk/eraser holder on our little chalkboard. I painted each child’s name on each jar.

NOW–keep in MIND that we are NOT perfect (we are actually far from it!)…and this is just a fun way to TRY to do chores;). I know some families are quite strict about this. We aren’t. If you do them–then you get tickets to exchange for money at the end of the month…with some money management taught alongside. If I don’t do something like this–then to be honest, I forget to ask them to do chores and I just feel overwhelmed to do it myself–and to be honest…much of what they do at their ages (like dusting or vacuuming) I might still have to do again. BUT then again–let’s be really honest…do I really dust??? Maybe once a month. SO–I figure with this system we are teaching good work ethic and how to contribute even if it isn’t perfect! At least it’s fun for them, and seeing them try definitely reminds me that I should try too;). LOL! My house is FAR from spotless…I so wish I was more like my older sister and could pull that off–but I always say my other ministry is a “livable messy house” making other moms who stop by feel better that it’s far from clean or perfect:) Who knows how long this will last or work–but it’s fun for now so worth the go!

Hope you have an amazing week!

Andrea

P.S. Just have to hollar a shout out THANK YOU to my most precious adoption momma friend Catherine Besk. I checked my mailbox today and was so ministered to by the sweetest gift. I tell ya what–the friends I’ve made via my blog, adoption, our agency, etc the last few years are just AMAZING. This journey has brought some of the dearest friends who truly stand beside you no matter what. I feel so blessed…so thankful…and truly felt the Lord loving on me today through another friend! Thank you Catherine. SO thankful how as moms we go there for and with each other. The comments I’ve received the last few weeks on my blog from moms who totally understand where this momma is…have truly ministered to my heart. THANK YOU. Love you all to pieces. You all are some of my sweetest blessings.

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Ashley - September 18, 2012 - 12:56 pm

That’s a really cute idea! I don’t think there is anything wrong with rewarding children for working hard..I could see it as a problem if they don’t listen to you, and have discipline problems, but that’s another can of worms! My little one is 2 1/2 and I’ve been wondering of a fun way to help encourage her with chores. Although I think she really does a lot for her age! She helps me load the dryer, pour in the soap for the washing machine, is learning how to fold clothes, cleans the part of the counter she can reach, helps make beds. No she isn’t perfect at it, but it is very sweet to see her try and help me! I think I may start a reward system for her, and see how it goes. I also think it helps them learn to give to others, and tithe! She loves giving to the offering plate at church so I’m sure it would mean a lot to her to put her own money in there!

tiffany - September 20, 2012 - 12:06 am

I was just going to send you an email the other day to see if you had a way of handling chores….funny…like you read my mind. We have struggled perpetually with chores at the Moody house…tried different ways and the bottom line is that I always run out of energy to keep up with it. This is really cute…and seems pretty easy…think we might give something similar a go. You are one smart and creative mama!

Rachel Goode @ Heirs with Christ - September 21, 2012 - 12:03 am

Totally unrelated to this adorable post…

I linked to you on my blog today (link below). You’re under #4 of 12 Reasons Christians Should Blog, as, (you’ll get a kick out of this,) “the trendy mom in Atlanta willing to do the not-so-cool through homeschooling, simply because she thinks God called her to.” 🙂

We’re doing part-time homeschool for 4k, and you’re part of the encouragement causing us to consider kindergarden.

Blessings!

Hickory Dickory Dock…

09.14.2012

The mouse ran up the…

stairs:).

How fun are these Fall/Halloween decorations??

I have to give Martha credit for these–bought the packet at Michael’s 30% off this week–I think it came to just $5 for the entire packet of die cut mice, little doors and stickers–such a cute packet at a great price. You could of course make these yourself—or even find mice die cut free printables online–just print them off and double side tape them up.

I got the vinyl numbers on ebay, and they’ve been on our stairs for years. I love hearing little voices count as they go up the stairs:) A sweet memory I’ll always tuck away in my heart!

We just started a new chore system at our house–can’t wait to share it tomorrow because it’s working beautifully and the kids love it! It’s so cute and easy to do too!!!

Hope y’all have a great weekend!!!

Happy FALL!

Andrea

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Easy Fall Art {you don’t need to be artsy for this one!}

09.13.2012

I purchased a Fall packet of scrapbook paper at Michael’s–and I’m determined to get my money’s worth out of it. It was regular $19.99 but all Fall scrapbook paper is 1/2 off right now–so it was just $10. Their canvases are 60% off right now–so I bought this 2 inch thick 8×10 canvas for just $7. (I bought the packet to actually create our Fall Bucket List–so this is just extra:).

Okay. So you need ZERO art skills to pull this off. Let the scrapbook paper be the art for you:).

All you need is a canvas, super cheap foam brushes, Mod Podge Matte finish (I use this weekly–it’s awesome for any craft!), scissors, scrapbook paper and a paint pen.

1. Choose a background for your canvas and cut it to fit. Brush Mod Podge onto canvas with foam brush (my 6 year old daughter LOVES doing this part–she does all the Mod Podge…so fun to do this together!) Place scrapbook background paper on canvas and rub to stick down. (It may come up on edges–but that’s okay–just keep pressing down.) Paint OVER the background evenly with more Mod Podge (this process will also help the paper lay down.

2. Cut another coordinating scrapbook paper in a smaller size. Glue this down with Mod Podge. Then just have fun and be creative in how you can make designs with other papers on the canvas. (One can never use too much Mod Podge;)…so let your kids help with that part. You may just have to help them even it out).

3. After the Mod Podge dries–add your favorite verse or a quote about Fall!

How easy and fun is that?!?

I couldn’t decide QUITE where to put it as we are beginning to decorate for Fall. It started out in the living room–but it actually ended up in the downstairs bathroom where we have 2 very special pictures. One is my husband sitting in his daddy’s lap as a boy. His daddy is now in heaven after battling leukemia 10 years ago. The other picture is my husband with our son Parker. I just thought this verse truly is beautiful to go by these pictures. Losing his father was so hard for my husband–but we got to see the Lord miraculously do much through it. Although things don’t always make sense in this world–we can trust that the Lord makes all things beautiful in its time–and we can’t even fathom the beauty of it all from beginning to end…

It’s home is right beside these pictures…

Truly–we can’t imagine all He has in store for us…and we know He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow–so no matter what we go through–we can trust Him. That being said–if you happened upon my blog today for fun Fall art–you might want to stop reading now…cause I have to share my heart…cause that’s just the way I was made.

Some people might not understand how this momma’s heart could grieve so after losing our baby after miscarrying at 10 weeks…I mean–you see us with 4 children–so we should be busy and happy right? Well–we ARE happy…we ARE thankful for all the Lord has done. But we also had several months to begin to fall in love with another child. And this momma’s heart was already in love. The doctor could have told me at that appointment I had cancer and they needed to terminate so I could live…and I would have said no. My heart was 100% ready to be a mommy again. And I know the Lord sees and understands. He showed me that tonight…

Richard came home early today from work (YAY!!! Except I wasn’t there! I was carpooling our crazy crew from this and that–but it was awesome to come home at 5:30pm and to have him home already!). I grabbed a blanket and pillow and went to lay in the lawn while watching the kids. I laid on my side although I wanted to lay on my stomach–and then I had to remind myself it was now okay to lay that way too. Still retraining my mommy brain. And realizing that–just made my momma heart want to run upstairs and pull the covers over my head. BUT–I’m surrounded by joy and laughter…so I stayed and let their voices and fun pour over me. We had breakfast for dinner (YUM!) and then Rico Suave said he wanted to put all 4 down–and he told me to go have some time to myself. I did what I always do–and told him I don’t have any where to go…and I don’t know what to do other than bed time–and that I WANTED to be there…but he insisted—so off I went in the mini-van…not knowing where I was going.

I ended up at the bookstore. I began to pray as I walked the aisle. And I ended up in the Christian book section. I felt that lump in my throat and saw a book or two I knew I didn’t need to read right now…so I kept looking. Then a bright yellow book was staring at me “Heaven is For Real”–so I grabbed it and walked around scouring for a place to sit for a bit as I wasn’t sure if I wanted to just read a few pages or buy the book and devour it from start to finish. I asked the Lord to show me what my heart needed–and I flipped through the book. There was a thick bookmark type thing stuck on a page–and I’m NOT one to flip the pages of my Bible and point to a verse or randomly point to a map and say, “Let’s go here!”…but I did tell the Lord if the pages marked in that book made clear sense to where I was and what I needed to hear–then I would know it was from him.

It was the second page beginning a new chapter–so I flipped the page over one to see what the name of the chapter was that was book marked. It was something like “Two Sisters”–which of course perked my interest. Then I read on…and it was the exact part of the story where Colin is trying to get his mom’s attention to tell her that he has TWO sisters–not just one. His mom ignores it and even asks if he is just talking about a cousin as he only has 1 sister. He insists he has TWO–and then he tells her that he met his other sister in heaven…the sister that died in her tummy and who she never got to name. Colin goes on and on about what she looked like…what it was like meeting her…and how she couldn’t wait for mommy and daddy to get to heaven to be with her. She even looked just like the other sister–except she was the only child with brown hair–just like her momma. Colin’s mom shed tears discovering that sweet baby in her tummy WAS a girl…and finally a girl that favored her as she always joked that she carried the babies but they all favored their daddy. What a sweet moment to read about–and one that very much ministered to me…and one that I really believe was the Lord loving on my momma heart tonight.

I wiped away a tear–wondering WHAT ARE THE CHANCES that I picked up that book–and that THE VERY PAGE that part of the story was on was bookmarked. There were 15 of those very books–but I picked up THAT one. I sat there wondering what our little one was…a boy or a girl? What would she or he been like? What would it have been like to see Isaac, Frank, Laney or Parker hold, love and play together with this sweet one?

In that moment–a little 1 year old brown haired baby girl walked up to my bench and said, “Momma??” Noooo sweet girl–I’m not your momma. But I did smile wondering if the Lord was just telling me that our baby was a girl…maybe even with brown hair like me. In the mean time though–I had to find this baby’s momma! I looked around and asked every visible person if this was their baby? No. No. No. No. And no. Oh goodness. I didn’t want to scare her–so I didn’t pick her up…so I carefully walked toward the front telling her we were going to find her momma. By this time we had QUITE the crowd watching because I was asking everyone we passed if she was there. More no’s and crazy looks followed. I found an employee of the bookstore who helped find this little lost girl’s momma. And I went and put the book back on the shelf knowing that I read the part I believe was for me tonight.

I know the wondering and dreaming are probably just part of the grieving process–but I really do believe the Lord was assuring me tonight that the little one He gave life to is safely in His home. Just as Colin told his momma that God had adopted his sister as His own–I believe He is also caring for our little one. One day I’ll get to see this precious little one in heaven. And I’m just convinced our baby was a little girl. Y’all can all call me crazy–but just wait and see when you get there;-).

Off to dream and be restored so I can pour into the sweet ones He has blessed me with…they are miracles and precious gifts!

Love y’all.

Andrea

P.S. You will never believe who the kids and I got to Skype with today!!! Andra, Travis AND Tetiana in Ukraine!!! It was amazing and so sweet!!! She was so excited to see us and there were lots of squeals on both ends!!! It was the first time we had gotten to see her since she left!!! We’ve talked on the phone–but seeing her face to face was really sweet!! They have had some passport delays–but hopefully they will be in American next week! PLEASE be praying for them—and pray the Lord would bond them together as family!!! Stay tuned…God is so good!

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7 comments

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Kathryn - September 14, 2012 - 1:51 am

Lifting you up in prayer…thank you for sharing your heart. Everything happens in God’s perfect timing. It is something I have to remind myself of often & I take great comfort in it. Hugs sent your way.

Karen - September 14, 2012 - 8:14 am

It is a great book, isn’t it? :o)

marci - September 14, 2012 - 11:10 am

So sweet . Winks from God are such a blessing. love that book.

Karen Twombly - September 14, 2012 - 2:14 pm

I am encouraged to hear how God is comforting your heart! For me, having other children was part of the mourning. I knew from having others what I was missing. But God is so good. My niece had a dream of my *daughter in heaven.*
Hugs and prayers, Karen Twombly

Corinne Cline - September 15, 2012 - 12:54 am

So sorry to read of your loss. All three of our losses were painful, whether at 5 wks or 16 wks. It always hurts because they are our babies. And I truly believe God gives us glimpses to see that He is caring for them He shows us in very personal, very real ways that our babies are in the safest, most wonderful place they could be with their Creator. It’s just hard to see it clearly from down here.

Jeanne - September 17, 2012 - 11:15 am

I often think a miscarriage for a mother is in many ways harder than those without children. As then we know what we are missing out on in a way we can’t understand before our hearts know the love for your child. Hang in there, we’re all sending our love to you and the whole family. xo

Keely - September 17, 2012 - 8:43 pm

Andrea, this post speaks to my heart. With two of my four miscarriages, I had vivid dreams (I am not one to dream or at least I do not remember them) detailing everything about the child and even a name. As I write this now, my chest feels heavy with how the Lord prompted them. I needed that. I needed the closure. I needed to name my babies so that my miscarriage was not just “something” but so that I could grieve my little babies. I am praying for you friend