The Young Family Farm

Some days, I think one of the best gifts I’m giving my interracial family–is an interracial family.

I’m thankful how they see one another–as siblings, friends and brothers and sisters in Christ.

I’m sure some–even some reading this blog don’t dig it. And that’s okay. You can close out my blog with the little “x” in the top corner and mosey on to a site you do like:) I’m cool with that.

My kids are growing up seeing race differently. It’s just natural when your siblings are different races and you fall in love with each other on different levels. You still see color because apples are still red and oranges are orange, but you know that really we are all made by God with similar DNA and hearts but with different pigments and hair. (Yes–it’s harder for my kids and the comments they get–but they are better and stronger because of it.) I’ve heard that kids who grow up with siblings of different races are more likely to also marry interracially. Which for us–oh my…we just want our children to find spouse’s that love the Lord, love them and who are willing to stick together through thick and thin. There are seasons of thick and then we have to go through in our little family–and they are growing up seeing the world differently.

Studies show your cultural background in fact does effect how you perceive interracial marriage.

And I was reminded this today.

A precious tween shocked me when out of the blue he came up to me and said, “I could never marry _____ because he’s Asian. I could never marry ____ because he’s black.”

My mommy heart CRUSHED for a moment and took a breath.

REALLY?

I forget the world sees each other differently–and some how our kids often do too.

YET–I’m thankful.

Thankful that later when I sat my kids down and asked them questions that led to could you see yourself marrying someone of this race or that cultural background–that they looked at me like that was the most ridiculous question they have ever heard.

Having an interracial family–has it’s hard times when people say things that take you back and it’s no doubt the hardest on our children of a different race who don’t have parents that look like them–and it doesn’t master if it’s a kid or an adult who says the hard them to them or to us…because there are little sprinkles of truth from their hearts in every statement that flows from their mouth. Matthew 15:18 says “But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.” (Does it really hurt your feelings LESS if a kid calls you fat? Just saying. It still makes you want to bop the kid over the head with a newspaper and say, “Didn’t your momma teach you how to use the brain the good Lord gave you?”)

But.

Today I was also thankful to hear my oldest child’s response to probing questions about interracial marriage. My almost 10 year old’s exact words, “Mom–are you kidding? Why would that even matter?”

But for many awesome kids–because they are STILL awesome kids–it does matter. They are raised by awesome parents. In awesome homes. With what they might think is lots of diversity around them…because they sit next to a child who is Asian and they kick a soccer ball with a kid who’s black. I’m not really sure if I’d call that being raised around diversity–but for some it’s their definition. There is a difference between being exposed to diversity and diversity being a part of your life. And my kids–it’s a part of their life. Family is a gift. And the hearts of our kids hearts are being shaped to see hearts more than anything else as they fall deeply in love, as they are bonded, as they would do anything in the world for their siblings–who may or may not look anything like them on the outside–but day by day their hearts seem to sing the same song.

I sat there today and listened to all the reasons why the different races are unattractive from the mouth of tween that looked like me–and it made me realize that if you do not have a beautiful interracial family–you might have to work a little harder as a parent to teach your children how to really SEE. Because this isn’t a race issue–or what you are attracted to issue–but it’s a HEART issue. We need to teach our children through life experience to understand…to know…to really SEE hearts.

And not every child or adult will get it.

And bless their hearts when they don’t. But they are the one’s choosing to not really live–missing out on many sweet relationship as instead they walk through life with people that look exactly like them.

But as a momma–I just wish they knew not to say their racist opinions about interracial friendships, relationships or future marriages to a momma of an interracial family—especially in front of her kids…who are listening…who hear…who might be hurt…whose hearts I will have to mend and rebuild later.

We should be able to marry—to befriend—to love and see deeply all races, shapes and sizes. And when our children say they can’t…instead of creating more diverse situations for them maybe we need to focus on their heart–because sitting next to another Japanese or Chinese or black or Hispanic child probably won’t change a thing. We have to teach them how to see hearts…for their sake…for their future spouse choices…for their future marriages—and it starts while they are young.

I’m so thankful I married my friend. He pursued me for months–and I thought of him as a friend…and through our friendship I saw his heart. And his heart was what won me. His heart is what grew our family…that looks so beautiful and perfect to me. How thankful I am my momma taught me to see the heart above all else. And to marry someone with a beautiful heart. The handsome part is just extra that is after effect of his being the hands and feed of Jesus daily to me.

And as for prepping your kids who are still growing and learning and discovering…

If you are not an interracial family–it might be enlightening for you to sit down and ask your kids questions to see what they might say. After all, it would be better for them to say it to you so you can also see your child’s heart giving you the opportunity to talk about race together rather than say it to a proud mom of an interracial family. It’s okay for our children to have opinions–even if there is truth to it for him/her/you–some things are better kept to ourselves especially if they are surface issues instead of the heart.

LOVE this Cheerios commercial…

“Tis better to have 3 friends who are peacemakers that 300 who are not.” -ME:)

My husband always reminds me, “Surround yourself with people of peace.” He is definitely one of the most peaceful I know! Through a discipleship study he is walking through–he has been encouraging me to look for peacemakers and walk with them…encourage them…run together…rub off on each other.

So–who is a peace maker that the Lord has so perfectly placed in your life to be your dear friend?

As you look around–you will begin to see patterns…some always are surrounded by peace–because they are peacemakers. THIS IS A CHOICE. A way of life. Simple. They are people of peace, thanksgiving, encouragement and love. Surround yourself with these. They are servants. They are looking for ways to serve. To create peace around them–but to also take things from you when they can to create more peace for you.

Peacemakers must also be very careful to surround themselves with other peacemakers. Because they have servant hearts–the non-peacemakers will also be drawn to them. And if they are not careful–they will find themselves worked to the ground trying to help those constantly creating chaos…because they love making peace–it’s their heart’s cry–and if they are not careful…they will become weary and tired and overworked. If you are a peacemaker–surround yourself with other peacemakers.

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.”
Colossians 3:15

Peacemakers are thankful.

Peacemakers are servants.

Peacemakers are happy to work behind the scene…and rarely ask for more…because they see your hands working–and they are thankful. They want to serve with you. Love with you. Rest with you.

We are called to love all, but we must also remember “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Proverbs 13:20.

When you hear someone grumble or complain–love them…but be careful of walking too much with complainers. Two steps is enough. Love on them. But be cautious. Because complainers and those who try too hard to meet every complainers request will also suck the living out of you. You will find yourself tired. Packing up your calling. And some times even running. Instead–seek out peacemakers and surround yourself with them so you may run this race marked out for you well.

Philippians 2:12-18 “Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain. Even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. Likewise you also should be glad and rejoice with me.”

LOVE this.

Work out your OWN salvation with fear and trembling.

It is not our job to work out things for others. Love them. But focus on your heart. Your salvation. Holding your tongue. Loving. Knowing when to walk away. When to pour out. When to retreat.

For it is God who works in YOU…for His good pleasure.

Do all things without grumbling…

And when you hear grumbles…take them to Jesus. It isn’t yours to carry. And run to those peacemaker friends…and be encouraged about the grumbles.

Shine your light among this crooked and twisted generation…holding fast to the word of life…so you do not labor for yourself–but rather for Christ.

It is not man you are serving. But Christ.

Man will complain. Man will tell you how to do all things better. Man will tell you what you are doing wrong. Man will judge. Man will critique. Man will shake his head at your parenting without understanding the heart behind the action. Man will never fully approve.

BUT–it is Christ we serve.

And–I–serve an audience of ONE.

So when they complain–because they will. Drop to your knees. Be thankful. Raise your hands to Jesus. Ask the Lord if He was pleased? Ask Him if there is anything HE wants you to change. And pray with your peacemaking sisters and brothers who served with you…because those are the ones who will stick around always serving because it is not you, not because of your friendship, not because of anything else other than they also serve an audience of ONE they are serving…and serve well–whole heartedly–with JOY, LAUGHTER, THANKFULNESS…with FUN, EXCITEMENT and LOVE together.

Even when you are poured out like a drink offering…REJOICE.

And grab the hands of the peacemaker friends the Lord has placed on your right and left–and walk toward the cross together.

What about the complainers?

This is NOT your job.

They are NOT your cause.

They belong to Jesus.

Pray for them.

Love them.

Give them something to drink. A place to rest. Serve them wholeheartedly when the Lord asks you to. But do not let them be who refreshes you. Let your refreshment come from the Lord and running with the peacemakers He has blessed you to run with.

Look intentionally for peacemakers–and rub off on one another.

“But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.” James 3:17-18

Take a moment to reflect on 3 friends the Lord has brought into your life who are peacemakers. Thank them for being a peacemaker in your life. And if there are no peacemakers there–ask the Lord to show you why? Are you a peacemaker? Ask the Lord to bring peacemakers into your life and to make you into a peacemaker that is contagious to other peacemakers so you may run and serve well together.

This is a guest post by my sister, April Carlock, who has supported us through our adoptions and run hard with us through ministry in Zambia Africa with Wiphan Care Ministries. She posted a bit of her experience on Facebook with RATL–and I asked her to please share more here. She’s been my best friend since I entered the world–and her perspective and heart inspire me daily…meet my big sister, April, and her heart–

Do you ever have one of those moments where you think- “this is it.”?

“This is why we’re here.”

It only happens every once in a while and only lasts a second but it’s big and it floors you.

If I blogged- this would be a post and the title would be really snazzy and clever but I don’t blog and I’m also not all that clever. (SO Warning! This post is long and I wouldn’t bother reading it unless you have been actively looking for a way to serve the homeless and the poor in your community in a tangible way…and I don’t mean cleaning out the closet and dropping your unwanted items somewhere… that’s an awesome thing to do but I mean if you do that and you also think THERE’S GOT TO BE MORE! I WANT TO DO MORE!. Well, I think I’ve found a really cool way and if you’re interested… read this….;))

Last week I had a “major dilemma”.

Or so I thought, anyway.

It was the daddy/daughter dance at my daughters’ school this past Friday night. But this momma had dropped the ball (so totally uncharacteristically of me;)) and had already made other plans. A sweet friend had organized a weekend with Restoration ATL to spend the weekend at The City of Refuge (a homeless shelter for women & children). I hated for my daughters to miss the special night with their dad and their friends at the dance, but my husband said we should spend the weekend in the shelter instead (wise man;))…. And my girls understood…

Rather than pretty dresses, candy and a dance floor… they embraced the unknown. I was humbled and taken aback because I had expected less. (How often I don’t give these little people credit for having the ability to make BIG choices!?). And now, as I settle in (after the fact, after our downtown adventure) in my warm cozy house… I’m humbled that I ever gave their missing a dance a second thought. Instead of dancing with their dad, they saw something I pray is permanently etched into their hearts and minds, and I also pray is something we do over and over again as a family.

Instead, they watched their dad play with little ones without a home, most of whom are without a dad to throw them over their shoulders… They played tag and sang karaoke with new friends–friends whose lives seem very different but who are at the end of the day just kids, the same. To say the moms and kids we met & worshipped with, played & prayed with stole our hearts would be an understatement.

As we drove away my kids asked “when are we going back?”. We weren’t in the car 5 minutes. It was one of those moments where you think- “Dear God, I know I sure mess stuff up ALL the time. But this day. This day was GOOD. Thank YOU for giving it to us!” And it was a GOOD day. It was.

But GOOD doesn’t always mean easy, or happy, or just.

Sometimes GOOD means wrecked.

Wrecked.

And Changed.

GOOD is when you catch a glimpse of what matters to Him.

A glimpse of what He wants you to spend your life on. Nothing compares to how GOOD that is.

Years ago when our family joined a few other families and Wiphan Care Ministries, we had no idea what we were “getting into”. Many even questioned us. Why Zambia? Why not here? (The answer to that question isn’t simple, nor is it short so I’d love to write about that one day;)).

But what drew me to this ministry (RATL) is that their vision is the same as Wiphan’s. Serving by being with, not doing for.

In Zambia, the unemployment rate is 50% in urban areas, and soars to 80% in rural communities.

They don’t need us to build anything for them.

They are capable.

As a ministry we may have to gather the resources and the supplies, but they can build it.

They WANT to build it.

We were each meant to feel the satisfaction of a hard day’s work. Each of us wants nothing more than to take care of our children. It’s true in Zambia, and it’s true for the homeless women I met at The City of Refuge.

Tonight my heart is full and heavy.

Full that God gave my family the opportunity to discover some truths about humanity and homelessness that we can take with us and “do better now that we know”. Heavy because our little “adventure” is their reality and it’s broken and scary.

I met brave women who know hard things, things I will likely never know.

But while we think we’re so different, the truth is our hearts have the same desires to be seen and loved.

And we’re all broken.

But amidst all the broken pieces- kids are kids and there was laughter and fun…

And moms are moms and we all just want a good and safe world for our kids… and we ALL NEED JESUS.

And the cool thing is- ANYONE can go and visit the women and children at The City of Refuge. You’re invited! From spending the weekend with other families to hosting an ice cream social on a Friday night; there are many ways to serve and visit.

And, of course, you’re always invited to visit our friends at Wiphan in Zambia (join Andrea and I June 5th;)).

To learn more about Restoration Atlanta. http://restorationatl.org

To learn more about Wiphan. www.wiphan.org