Where does my strength come from?

“They” say adoption is not for the faint of heart–you’ve probably read that before on my blog…but it is very, very true. Some times, I get sidetracked from truth and my flesh sneaks in. I start to worry what others might think of me when it is hard…because right now–we are in a season of hard. But this too–shall pass. In the mean time…I some times I feel like others might be looking in and thinking “Well, you signed up for this”…”You thought about it right?”…”You’re the one who wanted a big family”…all of those things being statements some people might actually in their flesh allow to cross their mind when they see our current hard parts. I can’t let what others see and how they might interpret our harder seasons bother me–I can only focus on following the Lord and allowing HIM to be my strength. He who calls me will equip me. And THAT is all that matters.

But–I don’t feel very equipped right now. (But isn’t that a good place to be? Even when it does NOT feel that way?!)

While these past few weeks have been very, very hard. I wouldn’t change a thing though as I am learning TRULY where my strength comes from. HAVE YOU EVER REALLY CONSIDERED IT?! I mean, does your strength come from time by yourself? A workout? Shopping? Time with friends? Appearing to be a perfect mommy…work person…wife…this or that? Does your strength come from what others think about you? Doing good things for others? Because—when you get to a place when ALL of those things are gone…you really see WHERE YOUR STRENGTH really does come from.

I love how the Message translation says Psalm 121…I look up to the mountains; does my strength come from mountains? No, my strength comes from God, who made heaven, and earth, and mountains. He won’t let you stumble, your Guardian God won’t fall asleep. Not on your life! Israel’s Guardian will never doze or sleep. God’s your Guardian, right at your side to protect you – Shielding you from sunstroke, sheltering you from moonstroke. God guards you from every evil, he guards your very life. He guards you when you leave and when you return, he guards you now, he guards you always.

I THOUGHT I was sure of where my strength comes from. It isn’t until the testing and trying of your faith in perserverance through trial–when the rubber meets the road–that you REALLY see and understand and FEEL where your strength comes from. We are following the Lord…THIS was the Lord’s plan for our family. AND–we are so thankful. The “rose-colored glasses” have been put away, and I am believing in choosing to walk through hard things…in the end–it will be more beautiful. MOST OF THE TIME–choosing and following the Lord’s plan will mean difficulty by the world’s standards. Less sleep. Less time to yourself. Less you, you, you. And while this part is really hard–oh, I know–it is so, so worth it.

I think about the Lord’s goodness…to bring us the most beautiful boy in the whole wild world (don’t argue with me that yours is cuter;)…both his sweet little face and his happy, joyful spirit melt my heart. I think about the Lord’s GRACE in allowing us to grow our family through adoption…HE CHOSE US!…how BLESSED we are!!! And this is one miracle I just couldn’t live without experiencing…it is so HARD…but SO AMAZINGLY beautiful…because at the end of the day–*I* am the one who gets to watch him sleep (even if it is only for a couple of hours at a time;). I think about God’s Fatherly love to our son…how He brought him home in His PERFECT timing…timing perfect for not only Isaac but also for Frank and helping them grow in brotherly love…and in perfect timing to keep Isaac healthy…to place him in a family who would do whatever it takes to get him well…to place him in a family who belongs to Himself. Truly…although these days are hard–God is just so good.

Yesterday, my dear friend Shannon Holden captured us a family for the first time. She is a talented photographer here in the Atlanta area (if you are lucky–she might have some spots open for this Fall;). Shannon and I have been in the same Bible study for 2 years now. Our children also go to the same school. SO, she not only rejoiced with me when Frankie baby was born–but she was here praying with me from day 1 on adoption road…all the way to this past Friday when she stopped by and caught me at a tired, mommy moment (aka: tears). She has seen the best and hardest–and she has celebrated them all with us. I wanted to share some of my favorites with you all…as many of you have also prayed for our son before we even knew his name and you have continued to pray for him through our time home…
The thing I am amazed at most…is what a FIGHTER this little guy is. Here he is…wheezing for air…trying to get over yet another UTI…and what do you have? A HAPPY BABY! He has been through so much in his life so far. Some would say he is resilent–but I say he is a strong, fighter—and I officially agree with the words on our referral from Almaz, “When I look in his face, I see the the strength of God and His grace.” Don’t you see it?

And *I* get to be his mommy!!! How blessed am I? I get to be the one who gets to care for him…wake up with him throughout the night…tickle him and hear his funny little chuckle…and best of all…no one else gets kisses like I do…

And on top of all that–my 4th little man has brought Richard and I ever so close in our marriage. And that is when you know you in the Lord’s will. Things may be hard for a time…but they are as they should be at their core…

And this…(our very first family portrait!)reminds me how really–all the hard stuff + the fun stuff + the day in day out stuff = WORTH IT. So, to the onlookers who think we’ve lost our minds…we are following the Lord and trusting HIM to be our strength. We got news today that antiobiotics will in fact not work on our little man right now (among other things)–so we need prayers to get that UTI away…for his lungs to be stronger…and for hands and hearts and minds to be continually filled with strength from the Holy Spirit as we care for our little ones with tired eyes.

Thank you Shannon Holden Photography for capturing the love of our sweet family. It was just what the doctor ordered for this tired momma…and I know I will cherish these for many, many years to come. Hope you all have a GREAT week!!! I’m taking a few days off to find more rest in Him. Thank you for praying for our family and for being a part of our life.