At arms length no more

I have a confession to make. Yes, another confession. Confessions are SO good for me though. I have been holding caring for widows and orphans at arms length. Serving comfortably and although passionate about it…I just realized it today.

As I stood in the back of the auditorum of my son’s preK class and watched an awards ceremony—in my mind I heard J.G. Morrison famous quote “Can’t you do just a little bit more?” as he was pleading with Nazarenes in the 1930’s Great Depression to support their missionaries. I am quilty. I have only been serving comfortable. And yes, I can do…a little bit more. But what if we could do A LOT more? Because as I stood in the back of that school with well dressed, healthy, full tummied, giggling children—millions of of children just like my son need us…to do more.

I am quilty of living comfortably. And justifying it too. I even have felt like not going on our annual vacation to Hilton Head as we poured into an adoption instead was doing without. I have dressed to be cute, instead of clothed. I have cooked to be satisfied instead of fed. I have, truthfully, invested more in my earthly home than my heavenly home. And today…it really bothered me. And Richard. And thankfully, we are on the same page.

I want to live more for the kingdom.

I want to live more for the gospel.

I want to live more for others.

I really do.

I don’t care if my blogs sound pretty. I don’t care if I sound crazy. And I just pray that Richard and I can follow the Lord no matter what. We heard news today that broke our hearts. It hit home in an entirely new way. What if that were Parker? What if that were Laney, Frank or Isaac? The truth is…if it were them…I would DO ANYTHING to help them. If it meant selling my house…going to sit by them and hold their hands until they got better…I’d do anything until they were okay. Truthfully, we have helped the orphans and widows at arms length. And…we can do more. We just can.

I pray our children turn out okay as we carry them along in our pursuit of following Him in His calling us to do more. My life is not my own—and if I am going to truly live for Him…then…I need to follow Him. We need not give our leftovers to the poor—but the meal—and allow Him to satisfy instead.

I knew the numbers. They made me sad. And through our ministry–I felt like we were doing something. And we are. But…I feel Him calling us to be present in an entirely new way—to longer hold these precious ones at arms length. I asked Him to break my heart for what breaks His…and I thought He already did that. But really—I. Had. NO. idea.

I’m anxious to see what is ahead for our family…but I think I already have a few ideas—and I’m excited to see how it all unfolds. It’s so funny–when you live for the world you look around and think you need this or that. But when you start living for the kingdom…you start looking around trying to figure out how to rid your life of the this and thats to ease the burden of another. When you live for the world you fear loss…but when you live for the kingdom you realize really you have nothing to lose. When you live for the world you want to please others, you care what others think of you and you spend your time analyzing how you make them feel or how they made you feel. But when you live for the kingdom, there is freedom—and you allow Him to work things out, be your guide, and you are filled with the peace that surpasses all understanding. James 1:27 always blows my mind on what pure and true religion is—especially the second part…not being polluted by the world. And that for me, is the most challenging part…not looking to the left or right but keeping my eyes focused on Him alone. James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. I’m getting to know the widow in a new way. I’m loving the orphan in a deeper way. And I can’t tell you how beautiful and right it feels…but also how BROKEN you become when you put those two together and begin to really understand them TOGETHER…and why we were told to serve them both—together. I can’t love the orphan and forget the widow. And I can’t love the orphan and widow and be of the world. Thank you Lord for your beautiful design of pure religion. This is what I want more of…this is what I want to live…and truly—we can do more.